


Red

by allstoriesintheend



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bruce Banner - Freeform, F/M, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Thor - Freeform, Winter Soldier Bucky, phil coulson - Freeform, tony stark - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-02
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-01-21 16:04:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 45,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1556162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allstoriesintheend/pseuds/allstoriesintheend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of all the red in his life, she was the only shade to stand out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Second Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on an RP from Twitter, from @MissRubyRed_ and @SgtBarnes_, and it is written for a friend.

Bucky groaned, looking back to the car. He didn’t want to be here. The only reason he was currently standing outside the door with the bouquet of white roses in his flesh hand was the man who was standing next to him, shooting him a look.

“Will you stop? You’re having dinner with them, Buck, not being made to sit through hours of therapy.” Steve adjusted his collar, rolling his eyes when Bucky huffed. 

“Why are we even having dinner with them?”

“Because you only eat junk. It’ll do you good to eat a proper meal.”

“I do eat proper meals. Coulson cooks when he comes over, y’know, to babysit me.” 

“He’s not ---”

“Don’t, Steve. You know that’s why he’s there. It’s not ‘good-natured’ company. It’s making sure I’m behaving when I’m told to stay home.” Bucky’s tone was flat as he narrowed his eyes. “Just knock on the damn door. The sooner we eat, the sooner I can go home.” 

“You know, you have to be polite to his wife. She didn’t have to make you dinner.” 

“I know,” lifting an eyebrow, Bucky gestured to himself. “That’s why I’m so _thrilled_ to be here.”

“Buck, stop. You were rude to her the first time you met her. The least you can do is give her a good second impression.”

“If I’ve met her before, why am I bringing flowers?”

“You were a jerk. She smiled at you and all you did was glance over your shoulder and say hey before you were off chasing a dame at the bar.” 

“I don’t remember that.” 

“You’re gonna pull the selective memory card again?” 

Before Bucky could even come up with a sarcastic answer, Steve had rang the doorbell. Bucky rolled his eyes and sighed, trying to prepare himself. When the door opened, Bucky had to deal with the all too happy face of Sam, inviting them in. Sam immediately pulled Steve in for a quick hug, followed by looking Bucky over. He still wasn’t sure how to take the man.

“Those flowers for me, Barnes?”

“You wish.” Bucky said, shrugging out of his leather jacket. Steve hung it up along with his own on the stand, clapping his hands together. “They’re for your wife.” 

“Didn’t wanna get red ones for her? Would’ve suited her better. You know her name, right?” 

“I didn’t pick them. Steve did.” Bucky was growing impatient. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Sam – well, actually, he preferred Barton and Stark and any other ‘team’ member to Wilson, he was too much for him to take in the way he was now. Maybe once over, back in the 40’s, he would have liked him, but now, he just seemed to irritate him to no end.

“Can we eat?”

“Dinner’s not done yet, but there’s beers ---”

“Great. I’ll get them.” 

He left for the kitchen before either of them could protest it. He had been in the house only once before, but once was enough. He knew the layout and the whereabouts of everything and he was more than sure that if he were to be blindfolded, he would still be able to navigate himself and find things just as quickly. He pushed the door open to find the kitchen empty, with smells filling the room. His stomach growled as he stepped into the room, going to look in the oven. Whatever Wilson’s wife was cooking, it was making him like her. Any woman that could cook something that smelt so good was worth at least a smile, he thought. 

Placing the flowers on the top of the fridge, Bucky opened the door and pulled out three beers. Wilson’s wife wouldn’t want one, right? Holding one with his right hand, Bucky made to pull the cap off with his left. His fingers had barely touched the cap when the door opening behind him made him spin around, and stop his actions completely. 

The woman that was now standing in the doorway had his full attention. Bucky’s eyes wandered over her quickly – slightly of his Soldier reflexes, but mostly out of admiration. She was wearing a classy red dress, one that wouldn’t look out of place in a fancy restaurant. She had her hair in slight blonde curls, ones that he wanted to reach out and run his fingers though. He quickly found her eyes again, and smiled. At that moment, he was more than thankful that Steve had told him to put on a shirt and put his hair in a ponytail. 

“Hi.” 

“Hi.” She answered him, and Bucky decided that her voice was easily the best sound that he had heard that day. 

“I’m Bucky.” 

“We’ve met before.” 

Bucky went to silently curse himself, but maintained the smile that she was slightly returning. 

“Can I start over? Second impressions are usually better than the first with me. Wilson will tell you that.” 

That earnt him a giggle. Scratch what he thought before. _That_ was the best sound he had heard that day. Placing the beer bottle down on the side, offered his right hand out for her. She reciprocated by offering her right hand forward, and he took her hand and raised it, bringing it up to his lips. He pressed a gentle kiss to her knuckles before he spoke his name, lowering her hand but never letting it go. 

“I’m James Barnes, Ma’am, but you can call me Bucky.” 

“Nice to meet you, Bucky,” she flashed him a fully blown smile, making him grin. “I’m Ruby.” 

Ruby. If red wasn’t his favourite colour before, it certainly was now. 

“Ruby. A pretty name to go with a pretty face.” 

Bucky watched as she blushed, finally letting go of her hand. He kept his metal one at his side, tucked carefully out of sight. Reaching for the white roses, he presented them to her with a nod of his head. 

“A peace offering for being an ass to you the first time I met you.” 

“You didn’t have to,” but her hands still took the bouquet anyway, bringing them close to her. Her fingers brushed across the open petals of one, looking up at him with the blush still gracing her cheeks. 

“It’s the least I could do.” 

Her mouth opened to speak again, but Wilson’s voice broke through their conversation. Bucky would have scowled if Ruby’s eyes weren’t still on him, so instead he gestured to the beer and the door, grabbing all three necks of the bottles with his flesh hand and excusing himself while Wilson walked into the kitchen. 

“Met my woman for the second time?” Sam grinned as he passed him, gaining a brief nod in response. 

“Yeah. I met her.” 

Dinner was over too quickly, if Bucky were to say so. It seemed like no time at from when he sat at the table to now, when he was being ushered out of the door with Steve at his side. Dinner had been better than anything Bucky had eaten since the day he had been brought food by Steve in his cell after he and Sam had found him. He had no shame in asking for more – neither did Steve, apparently, due to their metabolisms working faster than Sam’s, who complained that they were going to eat him out of house and home – and every time Ruby had looked his way, he had smiled. He couldn’t help himself. He found himself talking with her more while Steve and Sam spoke about work and their latest mission. He asked her questions and she answered, and maybe he was flirting slightly, but he could blame that on the alcohol consumption. After all, he was still able to get drunk, though it took a lot for him to. Then again, Sam had dared him to down an entire bottle of vodka as fast as he could before they sat down to dinner. He didn’t feel tipsy in the slightest, but if he was confronted, he could always blame Wilson for it. 

When she had caught sight of his metal hand as he reached for the bottle, he had frozen for a brief moment. He could feel her eyes raking over his hand and wandering up the black sleeve of his shirt, but she didn’t say anything about it. Instead, she proceeded to ask him another question, which only made Bucky relax more. He liked her, and already more than he should do.

“Dinner was great, Ruby.” Steve said, turning to her as they got to the first step on the porch. “Really great.”

“Yeah,” Bucky found himself saying. “Thanks a lot.” 

“Thanks?” Sam repeated, chuckling. Bucky rolled his eyes, pulling his leather jacket back on. 

“They’re called manners, Wilson. Might wanna try them out sometime. I didn’t hear you say thank-you for dinner.”

“So?” 

Steve gave Bucky a warning look before he could make a remark about it. Bucky rolled his eyes and flicked the collar of his jacket up, stepping aside while Steve said his goodbyes to Sam. Ruby was still standing in the doorway, looking at the three of them. Bucky made his way back over, watching as she smiled softly at him. 

“I enjoyed dinner.” 

“That was the intention,” she snickered, crossing her arms. “I’m glad you enjoyed it, Bucky.”

“Yeah,” grinning, he winked at her. “I might even stop by for more. Steve says I have to stop living off take-out.” 

“You’re welcome for dinner whenever you want. You actually say thank-you for it.” Her voice had gone quiet, and her eyes trailed to Sam. Bucky frowned, following her gaze. Married or not, Bucky knew that you said thank-you for meals. That was the way he had been raised. Steve glanced at him, pointing over his own shoulder to the car. Bucky nodded at him, turning back to Ruby. He gave her a once over again, before leaning in and placing a lingering kiss on her cheek. He was smiling when he pulled away, and thankfully, the darkness of the porch was hiding the blush that was forming on her cheeks. 

“See you soon, doll.”  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Bucky couldn’t keep the smile off of his face when Steve was driving them back home. He glanced toward Bucky, raising an eyebrow with a grin.

“She’s nice, isn’t she? Ruby?”

“Swell,” Bucky answered immediately. “She’s just swell. A damn good cook too.”

“See? Don’t you feel like a jerk for ignoring her the first time?”

“I made it up to her, didn’t I?” 

Steve simply chuckled and turned back to look at the road, leaving Bucky to think about the woman that he had met properly only a couple of hours ago. He knew he was in too deep already, but right then, thinking about the way she blushed and smiled at him, he didn’t care.


	2. Distractions

His back hit the mat with a loud thud, with Natalia’s weight across his left arm to pin it. One knee was pressed to his throat, and she was smirking down at him when he glared up.   
“You’re making this too easy, James.”

Regardless of her being on his metal arm, he still lifted it enough to push her off. Moving to sit up, he tucked the long strands of his hair behind his ears. Natalia was sitting in front of him, cross-legged with the same smirk on her face. 

“You’re distracted.”

“You’re not trying hard enough,” he lied easily, but truthfully, he knew that Natalia was sparring perfectly. He was distracted, and they both knew that. What had distracted him? That was easy. The same thought that had been distracting him for just short of three months now. The same person he saw at least four times a week. 

Ruby.

Bucky couldn’t help himself. Ever since that first night, he kept turning up at her door. He never made excuses as to why he was there, but simply said he had come to see her and that he ‘couldn’t stay away’ from her cooking. She had never asked again after the first time he had turned up alone, and Bucky found it becoming a routine. If Coulson wasn’t watching him, or SHIELD hadn’t made him come in for therapy and training – the training was his idea, and it usually came after therapy when he needed to punch something instead of biting sarcastic remarks at the therapist that spoke to him that day – then he was at Wilson’s house, where his wife spent her days alone. 

Bucky hated that.

He hated the thought of her being so isolated while her husband went off saving people. Even Bucky had better standards than that. He had spent too much time following orders for them to be seen as more important than his own idea of what came first. He knew that sometimes one outweighed the other, but you never _abandoned_ one of them, like Wilson was doing with his wife. Bucky had seen him a handful of times at SHIELD since that first dinner, but he had never given the impression of going home. Sometimes he said he was going for a drink with Barton, which usually ended with both men sprawled across Natalia’s living room furniture, as she had told him once before. That was a call that he hadn’t enjoyed at five AM. He was barely awake before Natalia was spewing Russian down the line at him, followed an hour later by her claiming his sofa as her place until the pair of unconscious men woke up and cleaned their mess from her apartment. 

It had also been followed by Bucky stopping by Wilson’s earlier than usual, bringing breakfast with him rather than expecting her to make it. When she opened the door, she had hidden behind it at the sight of him, promptly excusing herself to get dressed. He had chuckled as soon as she disappeared up the staircase, while he had --- 

“ _James._ ”

Natalia’s voice brought him back to where they were. She was looking at him with a fond expression, to which he rolled his shoulders and tried to look calm. 

“What?”

“You’re too involved with her. You have to stop before it becomes a problem.” 

“You already think it’s a problem,” Bucky looked at her, letting one side of his hair fall back forward. "Don’t you?”

“I think I haven’t ever seen you like this.”

“He doesn’t treat her right, Natalia.” His voice was quiet, but that didn’t mean that it was lacking in force. “He leaves her all alone in that house for weeks. Calls her to tell her to do the shit that he’s not gonna be there to do. You should’ve seen her face the first time I said I’d do the dishes.” 

“You always were a gentleman,” Natasha spoke in a tone that was saved only for him – or Barton, if Natasha felt like he deserved it. “What are you going to do? She’s married.” 

“She asked me not to go.” 

“She was asleep. Dreaming.” 

“About _me_. She said _my_ name, not his.” 

Natasha moved closer to study his face, placing her hands on either side. James watched her as her eyes raked over him, and her thumbs stroked his cheeks. He should shave before he went for lunch tomorrow. When her eyes came back to his, green boring into blue, he saw the slight upward twitch of the corners of her mouth. 

“Be careful, Yasha.” 

“Was that permission?”

She said nothing more, but simply pressed a kiss to his forehead. The second after that, she had shoved him back to the floor, pinning him again. Bucky laughed, getting his feet under her stomach and kicking up, starting their sparring up again.

Natalia understood him. Natalia encouraged it. Natalia gave him permission to continue seeing the woman that had captured his every thought, and Natalia had given him the nudge that he needed. It wasn’t wrong. He was doing something right, for a change.


	3. Dates

If you were to ask Bucky Barnes the number of times he had been scared about asking a girl out on a date, the answer would be zero. That would of course be before today, when he was loitering around the corner from Wilson’s house, with a bouquet of yellow roses in one hand and an envelope in the other. The envelope had been a gift from Natalia – well, a re-gift. He had gotten it her for her birthday and she had pushed it back at him earlier that week and told him to use them instead, and that he owed her another present. With a kiss on the cheek and a promise of whatever she wanted, he had left her apartment. 

No matter what plan he came up with since getting the envelope back, he still hadn’t come up with one that didn’t make him nervous. It wasn’t the idea of a date – he had flirted with women and taken a few out on dates since being released from SHIELD’s living quarters and allowed out into the world – but it was _who_ he would be asking on the date. 

There were still parts of his mind that were telling him he shouldn’t be doing this. He shouldn’t be standing so close to the house, trying to figure out how to ask a married woman on a date. 

Married. She was married. Given the amount of time that he had been going to see her and the amount of time Wilson had been home though, Bucky decided that the term ‘married’ only applied on paper. Ruby might as well have been a single woman, with how much she actually saw her husband. Even Clint called Natalia when he was away on a mission, and vice versa. If you were together then you made sure to check up on each other, even just to say good morning or good night. 

He couldn’t stay hidden forever. He needed to do this now, rather than let it slide and have another night of ‘what if’ thoughts. He had promised himself he was going to ask her, and the envelope in his hand meant he couldn’t delay it any longer. With a deep breath, he pushed himself off of the wall, adjusted his hold on the flowers, and set off to the door. 

As soon as he knocked, he didn’t want to be there. He had half a mind to just leave the flowers on the doorstep and disappear before she even answered, but his feet had rooted him to the spot. Instead, Bucky stood there and heard the footsteps moving behind the door before the blonde woman who fascinated him answered the door with a smile. 

“Bucky! I was just starting lunch, if you…” Trailing off, her eyes focused on the flowers that he was holding in front of him. A blush crept onto her cheeks, looking up at him through thick lashes. 

“Are those…?” 

“Yeah,” He held them out to her, keeping his left hand behind his back for now. 

“You didn’t have to…” 

“You said that the first time I brought you flowers.” Bucky smiled, relaxing slightly. Ruby’s blush only deepened at the words, taking the flowers and smelling them.

“You remember that?”

“Sure I do. I make it my point to kinda remember everything now,” Bucky shrugged. His free hand was now rubbing the back of his neck, feeling the loose strands of long hair that hadn’t quite made it into his ponytail. Ruby stroked the petals of one flower just like she had done the first time he had given her a bouquet, and he couldn’t help himself. His words came out before he even had the chance to think about them. 

“Look, Ruby, you’ve been good to me – real good to me these past few months and I wanted to – I mean, I don’t know how to – do you want to go to the Ballet tonight?” 

“The Ballet?” Ruby repeated, raising her eyebrows at him. God, Bucky was a mess. She was going to say no. He knew it. 

“If you don’t want –”

“What time?” 

“You wanna go?” Bucky’s hand fell from his neck. His expression became unreadable while he studied hers, watching her nod softly at him. That was all that he needed. That small gesture of reassurance brought out a smile, and he finally eased up, letting his shoulders drop as he relaxed. 

“Then I’m taking you out for dinner first. You’re not cooking tonight. Relax and I’ll pick you up at five, alright?”

“Okay.” 

He kissed her cheek, as per normal, and smiled when he pulled back, handing her the envelope behind his back. 

“Russian Ballet. Swan Lake. I’ll see you at five, doll.” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He had relaxed a considerable amount by the time he came to pick Ruby up. He hadn’t gone as far as a tie, but had pulled on a red button down shirt, dress pants and his leather jacket, with a leather glove covering his metal hand. When he pressed the doorbell this time, he wasn’t nervous at all. He was smiling, just waiting for Ruby to open the door and give him that smile that he had come to love seeing so much – and she did, not minutes after. 

If Bucky had stared the first time he had seen Ruby, it was nothing compared to how he was looking at her now. His eyes looked her up and down appreciatively, taking in everything. She had a strapless black dress on, stopping just above her knees with a slightly flowing skirt, and red heels that matched his shirt. Her hair had been done in the same loose curls that he had wanted to run his fingers through the night he met her, and her lips were the kind of red that made Bucky want to grab her and kiss her senseless. He didn’t even realise his mouth had opened until Ruby glanced down at herself, pulling her arms around to cover herself. 

“Too much?”

“N-no.” His mouth had gone dry. With a quick cough, he turned his almost dumbfounded expression into one that made her smile come back. 

“You look beautiful, Ruby.” Bucky wanted to add that he always thought she did, but he kept that part to himself. 

“Thank-you,” she looked down at her shoes quickly, before she met his eyes again. “You look nice, Bucky.” 

“Can’t turn up to the Ballet looking like I just hit the gym,” he shrugged. Ruby laughed, pulling the door shut and locking it behind her. Bucky didn’t reach to wrap his arm around her, but instead offered her his hand while they went down the porch steps. Then he didn’t let go. He led her to the car and opened the door, kissing her knuckles before she slipped into the passenger seat. Bucky closed the door behind her and grinned to himself before he walked around to the other side, excited to spend the rest of the night with her. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t until the curtain was about to be pulled up that Ruby questioned the choice in entertainment. Usually on a date, Bucky took a girl for dinner – which he had done, and insisted he paid for it all and made a point of telling her to get whatever she wanted – and then he took her dancing himself. He had to remind himself that he couldn’t do that – that would make the night seem like it was a date, even though he was more than certain that she was already looking at it that way. So far, he had managed to pass it off as a thank-you for her putting up with him for the past couple of months, but both of them knew it to be more than that. 

“Why the Ballet?”

Bucky flicked her a smile as he turned to face her, shrugging slightly against the chair. 

“I like the Russian Ballet. Natalia and I went to see them, once.”

“Oh.” 

“No, we were… We were supposed to be on a mission.” Bucky explained in hushed tones. “Natalia’s programming, she thought she was a ballerina once over. I took her to see it in Moscow. We got punished when we got back – me more than her, I said it was my idea and wouldn’t let her take the blame. It’s one of the only good things I remember from…”

He stopped himself before he went into detail about that part of his life. He didn’t want to talk about it, not tonight. They were supposed to be having fun and enjoying themselves, not listening to him go on about his brainwashing. But Ruby reached out her hand and gently placed it on his right forearm, smiling softly. Bucky caught a glimpse of her red lips before the curtain came up, and settled back. 

Her hand never left his arm once. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No matter how long the night had been, Bucky didn’t think it was long enough. Ruby’s hand, though no longer resting on his arm, had left a lingering heat. They had spoken about Swan Lake for the entire journey home - from music to movement, until they were just laughing with each other. Bucky hadn’t smiled so much since the 40’s, and he certainly hadn’t laughed so much that his ribs had started to hurt. He didn’t think that was even possible anymore, but Ruby had proved him wrong. 

As they approached her house, Bucky tried to slow down, but he knew it didn’t matter. He still had to drop her off. He couldn’t invite her back to his place for even so much as a coffee. He had to take her back home and leave her there, knowing that she would probably cry herself to sleep on the couch rather than sleep in her own bed. He sighed inwardly as he grudgingly parked on the street in front of her house, looking over to her. Her expression had fallen into one that he couldn’t read, but her teeth digging into her bottom lip was all he needed. Bucky got out of the car first, coming around to her side to help her out of it. They were silent until Ruby had turned the key in the lock, opening the door slightly. She turned to him, tugging his jacket up on her arms higher – he had insisted she take it after they stepped into the cold air after the Ballet, and refused to take no for an answer. 

“Thank-you for tonight, Bucky.” Her voice was quiet, in a tone that he hadn’t heard from her before. 

“Thank- _you_ , Ruby. You didn’t have to come, but you did.” 

“I wanted to.” 

A small chuckle and a look of complete awe came from him. Ruby gave him a soft smile in return, and went to take off his jacket. Bucky held his hands up immediately, shaking his head. 

“No. Keep it.” 

“Bucky…” 

“At least until tomorrow. It’s keeping you warm.” 

Ruby didn’t argue the fact that she was about to step into her house and into warmth. She simply nodded at him, keeping the expression that he couldn’t quite place. When he leaned in to kiss her cheek, he stayed for just a moment too long. He couldn’t help it. Pulling back just enough to inhale her scent – she had different perfume on for their night out, he had noticed earlier on – he studied the side of her face. Her breath had hitched in her throat, but she didn’t speak or even move. Bucky bit his lip, pulling back. A simple smile followed, masking any thoughts and feelings that he could feel building up. 

“Goodnight, doll. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Goodnight, Bucky.” 

He didn’t curse himself until he was two blocks away. He had waited until Ruby shut the door to drive off, and that’s when the smile that had graced his features almost all the night had vanished. They were still right where they were before – she was a married woman, and he was simply a man that couldn’t stay away. Hitting his hands off the wheel, the entire dashboard shuddered. The rain had started in the first minute of him pulling away from Ruby’s house. Bucky wondered if it was cruel fate or ridiculous irony that the moment his mood had dropped, the sky had opened up. He had to stop the car, trembling as he thought about her crying herself to sleep. 

He couldn’t do it. 

He couldn’t leave her alone. 

Not again.


	4. Rain

The rain had dampened his clothes by the time he had made it back to Wilson’s house. It had taken him almost an hour to get out of the car and find his way back to her, because he had been arguing with himself. Part of him was shouting at him, telling him this was wrong, but the rest of him disagreed. He couldn’t let this go on any longer. He had to tell her, at least, and if she told him to leave, then he would. He would never bother her again. 

Bucky knew better than to knock on the front door. Instead, he moved to peer through the window where he knew she would be – on the couch in the living room, hugging her pillows from the bed upstairs that she never slept in. Hopefully she wouldn’t be asleep just yet. Just that small hope was the reason he was peering in through the window where he knew she would be, with the room dimly illuminated by the only lamp in there. His heart fell when he saw her not only murmuring in her sleep, but having her fingers twitching against the pillow that she had in her arms and her legs kicking every few seconds. Her cheeks were red, but not the blush that he loved. They were red with dried tear tracks down them, and a fresh wave were starting to fall from her closed eyes. 

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t watch her cry. In minutes, he had pried open the window and slipped through it. He made sure it was closed before he was moving to crouch down at the side of the couch, drying his flesh hand on the carpet before reaching out to her, unable to listen to her any longer. He wiped the tears from her face and then cupped her cheek, stroking his thumb across the currently angry skin from all of her tears. 

“Bucky... Please… Don’t go…” 

“Doll. Come on, wake up. I’m here. I’m right here.” 

 

He kept his voice low, trying not to wake her too suddenly. He pushed his hair out of his face with his metal hand, crouching closer to her. Her legs had stopped kicking, but her fingers were still twitching on the pillow. Bucky shifted his weight, leaning closer to her. 

“ _Ruby._ ” 

Her fingers stilled. The murmurs stopped. She opened her eyes slowly, the pained blue of hers meeting the worried blue of his. Her breath hitched in her throat, searching his eyes. 

“Bucky?” 

He had never heard her voice be so quiet. She sounded terrified, almost as though she was worried that if she blinked for just a second too long, he would vanish. Bucky stroked some of her hair back, tucking the soft blonde strands behind her ear. The tears had slowed, but they were still slipping down her cheeks. 

“You didn’t go.” 

“No,” Bucky said quietly, shaking his head. “It was just a dream, doll. Just a bad dream.”

“I don’t want you to go.” 

Her bottom lip quivered, looking at him. Her hands had loosened on the pillow and were twitching toward him, but she never curled them into the fabric of his shirt. Bucky gave her a small, reassuring smile, running his thumb along under her eyes. 

“I’m not going anywhere. Not unless you tell me to.” 

“You promise?” 

There was barely a moment between Ruby speaking to Bucky’s lips meeting hers, kissing her softly. It had been too much for him. He couldn’t help himself as he kissed her. He couldn’t stand to see her getting so upset – crying, over the thought of him leaving. He had to show her that he wasn’t going anywhere, and this was the only way that he knew how. 

He let his hand cup her cheek again and felt her flinch under his touch, falling still. Bucky went to pull back – it was wrong. This was wrong. He shouldn’t be kissing her. She was married. She was married to Wilson. He worked with Wilson. He might not like him, but that shouldn’t mean that he should make advances on the guy’s wife. He went to pull away from her, making to break the barely there kiss, when she moved. 

Her lips started to respond to his, meeting the gentleness of his kiss with a neediness that he hadn’t expected. Hers parted of their own accord and Bucky couldn’t help himself in making their kiss deeper, slipping his hand to tangle in her hair. Her twitching fingers found the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer, shifting her position. It was new to Bucky and familiar all at the same time. He was learning her, learning how to be this way with her just from the kiss that he hadn’t intended to happen. Yet, it felt like they should have been doing this all along. He knew even then that one kiss would never be enough. He was addicted, locked in a hold that nobody else had ever been able to have over him. She fascinated him more than he ever thought possible. Everything about her – from the way she laughed, to the way she moved with a confidence that he hadn’t seen on a woman that wasn’t set out to kill, to the way she smiled softly every time he kissed her cheek. All of her captivated him, and there wasn’t a thing that he wanted to miss. He wanted to take her out on dates and show her off. He wanted to hold her in his arms each and every night and let her know that he wasn’t going to leave her. He wanted to bring her breakfast in bed, buy her things on impulse, and take her dancing. He wanted to kiss over every inch of her, worship every part of her, and love her like she deserved to be loved. 

He didn’t pull back until he was desperate for air. Her hands had gripped the collar of his shirt with no intention of letting go, while his flesh hand had tangled into the loose curls of her hair. The position had changed without him even realising. While they had started with Ruby on the couch and him kneeling next to her; he had managed to climb onto the couch with her, with his knees on either side of her while she was underneath him. Their bodies never touched, but from his position, he could look down at her and take in her kiss swollen lips that were now almost as red as the lipstick she had worn earlier, and her blown pupils. Untangling his hand from her hair, he leaned down to kiss her as softly as he had started, feeling her hands easing on his shirt. Her hand slipped around to touch the still damp hair that he had tugged into a ponytail, and this time when he pulled back, his name was a breathless whisper on lips. 

“Bucky…”

“Shh, sweetheart.” 

He moved off of the couch completely, bending to pick up the blanket that had become nothing more than a balled up mess on the floor next to them. Instead of covering her back up, Bucky coaxed her into moving until he could settle with her, having her rest her head on his chest. He pulled the blanket up to make sure she was covered, wrapping one arm around her securely. One of her own found its way around her waist, and she buried her face into his shirt. Bucky could feel her heartbeat matching his own, drawing a contented sigh from him. 

“You’re going to stay.” 

It wasn’t a question. The whisper of her voice calmed him, enough for him to place a kiss onto the top of her head. He knew that they were both aware that this was wrong, that they shouldn’t be doing it, but neither of them cared. Bucky had her in his arms. He was there, with her, and nothing else mattered. 

“I’m going to stay.” 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following morning, Bucky was awake long before Ruby was. Still, he had slept better and more peacefully with her in his arms than he had done for a long while. His nights were mostly filled with fits of terror, where he woke with sweat matting his hair to his forehead and shivering while he tried to chase away the nightmare that he had managed to pull himself from. With Ruby in his arms, Bucky had fallen into a dreamless sleep, and hadn’t moved all night. Her arm had remained around him just like his had stayed around her, keeping them close.

While he waited for her to wake, his mind wandered. What would they do now? Would they stay like this? Was last night just a moment of weakness for the two of them? If Ruby said no, then Bucky wouldn’t push. He would stop completely, and hide how he felt. That was what he was good at – following requests and orders. If she asked him not to, then he wouldn’t continue like this with her. The only thing that would change would be how often he saw her – he would find something to do with the time that he kept free for her and perhaps only see her once a week, rather than almost every day. He would still talk to her, text her, but he wouldn’t be around to her house as often. He knew that he couldn’t do that. Once he was attached to people – especially now he had his memories – he couldn’t stop himself. Everything became too much for him far too often. It was childlike, and in a way that he hated, but he hadn’t the power to change it. 

He was tracing small circles on her shoulder-blades when she started to stir. Bucky watched as she hid her face into his chest, making a quiet noise as she started to become aware of her surroundings. Bucky’s hand slipped up to rub the back of her neck softly, brushing aside her hair. 

“Morning, doll.” 

“Bucky…” She moved up to nuzzle against his neck, drawing a slight chuckle from him. 

Then she went stiff in his arms. Bucky immediately frowned, letting his hand fall still on her neck. He shifted up to see her at the same time she scrambled up, pulling herself out of his hold and to the other end of the couch, as far away as she could be from him. Ruby brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Bucky moved as quickly as he could, eyes wide. 

“Ruby?” 

She didn’t answer him. Instead, she started to babble to herself, with fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. 

“I’m awful… I’m awful. This isn’t how a good wife is supposed to behave. No wonder Sam never comes home. He never comes back. I shouldn’t have done this… I shouldn’t.” 

Bucky felt the lump in his throat as she spoke. His metal hand had curled into a fist involuntarily on the back of the couch at the mention of Wilson. The man had control of her even when he wasn’t there. She didn’t deserve that. He went to speak, to apologise for kissing her the previous night, but he caught himself when he heard her next words. 

“I would rather be with you…” 

Her tears became thicker and faster, and Bucky hated it. He hated seeing her cry for something that she wanted. In a swift movement, Bucky had pulled her into his arms, cradling her to him. She tucked her head under his chin, fisting his shirt in one hand as she cried. 

“It’s okay. He doesn’t deserve you, Ruby. He’s never deserved you. You’re too good for him. You deserve to be wanted and needed in the way that you should be. You deserve so much more than what his stupid ass as given you. You’re too good. You’re too _good_ to be crying over him. He’s not worth it. Don’t waste anything on him, doll. He’s no good for you.” 

Ruby didn’t even argue with him. She curled into him, crying silently as he rubbed soothing circles on her back, repeating his words over and over to her. He wouldn’t let her waste any more of her time or effort on thinking about what Wilson would say or do. Wilson didn’t deserve her. She was too special to be trapped in a marriage where the most she saw of her husband was the Caller ID on her phone, when he would text her and tell her to do whatever needed doing around the house. She was too special to have all the happiness drawn out of her by a loveless marriage. She was too special to be tied into something so poisonous, and Bucky wasn’t about to let the poison kill her. 

He didn’t know when she had stopped crying. The two of them sat for hours in the same position, until Bucky was no longer speaking. She simply kept a hold on his shirt and he kept rocking them softly. Eventually, Bucky moved his head just enough to place a kiss on the top of her hair, breathing in heavily. They didn’t mention Wilson again, or her marriage. He decided to change the topic, just to make things easier on the two of them. 

“Let me make breakfast for you.” Bucky murmured, feeling her sniffle. “Please.” 

The slight nod against his chest was the only answer he got. The corners of his mouth turned upward, not ready to move just yet. 

Ruby hadn’t asked him to leave.

Ruby wanted to be with him. 

And Bucky?

He knew he was in love with her, from the moment that she had kissed him back.


	5. Rumours

It had spread like wildfire around SHIELD. Natasha had to find out for herself if what she had heard that morning over blushing female Agents and murmurs among males had any form of truth. She had followed the rumours down to one of the gyms, finding the centre of attention there with his hair pulled back and his metal arm gleaming under the light. 

They were true.

James Barnes, the man who spent most of his time looking like he would kill the next person to talk to him if they said even one wrong word, was talking to other Agents by the benches instead of throwing them down to the mats. 

While _smiling_. 

Natasha made her way over to him silently, moving like she always did. She knew he had heard her, he was too good not to, but instead of tackling her and moving to spar, he simply turned his head and gave her the same smile that he was giving the Agents who had started to excuse themselves with Natasha’s presence.

“I didn’t believe it at first,” a smirk started to grow, raising one eyebrow at him. “But now I see that the rumours are true?”

“Rumours?” His face faltered for only a moment. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“It’s the talk of the building, James. People were saying that you were actually smiling.” 

“Therapy wasn’t so bad. We were talking about my folks and Rebecca.” Shrugging at her, Bucky mimicked her stance. “I kinda missed talking about her.” 

“They said you were smiling before you went in to have your therapy. What’s going on, James?” Natasha looked up at him, searching his eyes as her smirk grew wider and her voice dropped low enough that only he could hear it. “The Ballet went well?” 

Bucky said nothing more, but simply walked off in the direction of the lockers. Natasha followed him, knowing that this wasn’t a conversation that could be overheard. As far as Natasha knew, she was the only one to know about Bucky’s affections for Wilson’s wife – and she was definitely the only one encouraging it. 

As soon as they were out of earshot, Bucky turned to her with a smile that she hadn’t seen on him in years. He looked happy, for once. He didn’t look irritated to be at SHIELD. He looked comfortable in his own skin, and comfortable to be surrounded by a group of people that had once held him against his will in the medical bay, poking his skin with needles and training guns on his forehead, ready to pull the trigger if he overreacted even slightly. 

“I kissed her. I kissed her, Nat… And she kissed me back.” Bucky’s grin only grew as he spoke, and Natasha had to smile back at him. 

“She kissed you?”

“I took her to dinner, took her to the Ballet, and dropped her home… And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t leave her alone to sleep on that couch again, crying herself to sleep. I went back, and went through the window -”

“Through the window?” Natasha interrupted. James rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to make a sarcastic comment back at her repetition of his words.

“I don’t know what happened. I told her I wasn’t going to leave and she asked me to promise, and I just… I kissed her. I couldn’t help it. I was going to pull away, but then she kissed me back and Natalia, I can’t even describe it.”

“You spent the night, didn’t you?”

“Not like that,” Bucky narrowed his eyes, looking down at her with a flat expression. “I did spend the night, but that kiss was all we did. She just slept in my arms.”

“Джеймс, ты идиот.” Natasha hissed at him. She knew too well what he was like while he slept, for she had seen him first hand while he was in SHIELD’s living quarters. She had made to wake him, only to have his metal hand close around her throat and choke her until he opened his eyes and realised what he had done. “О чем ты думал?”

“Nothing happened,” James answered, raising both hands. “I slept. I stayed asleep the entire time. No incidents.” 

“You’re lucky,” She said to him, but the darkened expression never left her face. Studying his expression, she couldn’t avoid the question any longer. Crossing her arms, she put her weight on one leg.

“Is she going to break up with Wilson?”

“Natalia –”

“Is she?” 

“It’s not like she’s married now. He’s never fucking there.” 

“I’m not saying it for her, I’m saying it for you.” Her voice took on a slightly softer tinge, looking up to him. “I know that you’re happy, and I’m happy for you, but don’t let this go on as an affair. If you’re both there then you shouldn’t be sneaking behind backs.” 

“It happened two nights ago, Nat. I’m not rushing out to buy a new ring the second she takes her old one off of her finger.” 

“You’re impulsive. I know you, James.”

“We’re taking it slow.” Bucky clarified, deciding to give up avoiding her questions. Licking his lips, he eyed the woman in question. “I don’t want to rush with her and hurt her. She’s too good for that. She asked me to stay. She asked for me. She kissed me. She curled up in my arms. She wants me like I want her. She’s not just doing it out of lack of attention from that asshole.” 

“Then remember what I said at first. Be _careful_ , James.” 

“I’m a grown man, Natalia. I know what I’m doing. You’re getting as bad as Coulson.” 

Natasha simply rolled her eyes and punched his abdomen, walking out of the locker room without so much as another word or even a glance over her shoulder. Bucky scoffed once she was out of range. Telling him to be careful. He knew what he was doing. They knew what they were doing. 

With one last look at the doorway, Bucky turned on his heel and went to his locker, collecting his bag. He could shower when he got home, before he went to see Ruby. With a smile still on his face, Bucky made his way out of the Gym and SHIELD completely, earning more stares and muttered words as he passed by Agents, but he never listened. He was completely focused on thinking about getting to Wilson’s house and kissing Ruby senseless at the front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Джеймс, ты идиот." - James, you imbecile. 
> 
> "О чем ты думал?” - What were you thinking?


	6. Movies

Two weeks. 

It had been two weeks since the first time Bucky had kissed her, twelve days since Natasha had found out, and ten since Ruby had been taken to SHIELD for the briefing that she had every few months. 

Two weeks, and Bucky didn’t think he had ever been happier. Every time he visited, he stayed, but they simply slept on the couch the way they had done the first night he was there. She hadn’t cried once since that first night. Her pillows were starting to smell like him, and his leather jacket had taken residence in her closet – tucked away of course, in case Sam were to come home unannounced. 

Bucky was currently pulling Ruby into his arms after chasing her around the bottom half of the house, both of them laughing. He pressed a soft kiss to just below her ear before she turned in his arms, kissing the corner of his mouth. Bucky turned his head just enough to catch her lips with his own, holding her close to him. She hummed against him, curling her arms around his neck to play with the hair that he had left down. 

He didn’t think he would ever grow tired of kissing her. Each one sent his mind into overdrive, even if it was just as simple as a press of her soft lips against his own. Anything more than that had Bucky tangling one hand into her hair and holding her to him with his metal arm around her waist. With a giggle, Ruby pulled away, keeping her arms loose around him. 

“We’re never going to watch any movies if you carry on.” 

“I don’t mind kissing you all afternoon,” Bucky gave her as best of an innocent expression as he could, but let her go anyway. “It’s becoming my favourite activity.” 

“How about we do both?” Ruby raised her eyebrows, and her mouth curled into a smirk. “The blankets and pillows are already there…” 

“Darling, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to get me onto the couch.” 

“Maybe, but only because I’m going to be there too. I’ll need big, strong arms to wrap me up and keep me warm… The blankets just won’t cut it.” 

“You’ve convinced me.” Bucky sighed heavily, putting a hand on his chest. “Let it be said that James Barnes never leaves a lady unsatisfied.” 

A deep blush grew on Ruby’s face, which made Bucky realised just what he had said. It took him all of a few seconds to give her a cheeky wink before she was pushing his shoulder, still blushing, but with a hint of amusement playing on her face. They hadn’t discussed or even tried anything other than kissing, and Bucky was fine with that. He hadn’t even told her that he loved her – two weeks just wasn’t a long enough time to drop that on someone, even if the feeling had been growing for months. 

“Go and choose the movie. I’ll be in soon.”

Ruby gave him another nudge, with the blush dying down. Bucky ran his index finger along her jaw before he turned, walking back to the living room silently. Both hands closed on the handles to the cabinet, pulling it open to see the collection of movies – and games, he assumed – lining the shelves. He hadn’t watched too many if he was being honest. He didn’t really watch tv at all. Save for the times that Coulson came over and watched whatever stupid show he was addicted to at the present – last week it had been a Real Housewives marathon, which Bucky had ignored by reading one of the books he had piled on the coffee table – the war documentaries that he had to turn off because they brought too much of him to the surface, and the movies that he had watched with Barton and Natalia, he didn’t really use his tv. If anything, Bucky occupied his time that he wasn’t with Ruby or at SHIELD with reading, using the laptop to keep up with news and to learn history, and listening to music. He had a thing for rock in the 1980’s, which Barton had insisted that if he kept on growing his hair, he would fit right into. 

Looking at the shelves of things to watch now, Bucky was spoilt for choice. He had watched Star Wars, all six movies – in the right order, even though the order was back to front and had confused him for a while – and Indiana Jones, who Bucky loved, but there were names here that he had never even heard of. What was Dr. Horrible’s Sing-A-Long Blog? Who was Ferris Bueller and why was he having a day off? Why would anyone make a film about the Titanic accident? He tried to read the titles and take them in, ignoring the questions that were building in his head. 

On the third shelf down, Bucky paused. His face became expressionless as he pulled the slim blue box from the shelf, turning it over in his hands. He stared at the cover, so unlike the poster he had seen all those years ago. 

“Bucky? Are you okay?”

He hadn’t realised that his shoulders had tensed or that he had gone rigid until Ruby’s soft voice broke through to him. He turned around slowly, holding the box at an angle at which she could see what it was, but so that he could keep looking at it. 

“I saw this a couple of months after it came out,” Bucky told her. “First cartoon I ever saw like that. It was starting to get cold and Steve caught a virus, so he lost his job because he couldn’t make it. I had to take on some extra shifts at the dock to cover the money that we lost. It was only because we had a little extra that we went to see it. It was the craziest thing, you know? Steve drew that damn elephant for weeks after.” 

He looked at it for a moment longer, until his voice dropped and he tore his eyes away from the case to meet hers. She had a soft smile directed at him, making his shoulders relax. 

“I didn’t even know I had that memory.”

“We can watch Dumbo if you want to.”

“Only if --” Bucky trailed off, tightening his hands on the box. If he tightened his hold again, he knew he would snap it. “Only if you wanna. We don't have to if you don't." 

Slowly, Ruby made her way over to him, taking the box gently from his hands. Bucky let it go, looking at her. She placed it on the shelves behind him before she took hold of his metal hand, pressing a soft kiss to his knuckles. 

“I'd like to watch Dumbo. And you know... There's a whole row of Disney movies in the cupboard… We could watch whatever ones you wanted.”

“Are they all cartoons?”

“Most of them, but some are mixed with real people and cartoon, like…” Ruby leaned around him, pulling another box swiftly off the shelf for him to see. “This one.” 

“Mary Poppins?” Bucky read, looking at it. “Who is she?”

“She’s a special nanny,” Ruby smiled at him. “I think you’d like it. There are others though, if you don’t want to watch this one.” 

Bucky looked at the case carefully, inspecting it. It didn’t look so bad, did it? If Ruby thought he would like it, then the least he could do was try it. He turned his gaze to her, letting the corners of his mouth twitch upward. 

“Which other ones do you think I’d like?” 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of their day had been spent curled up on the couch with a stack of Disney movies to get through. Dumbo had been the first they had watched together, with Bucky's focus never drifting once from the movie he remembered. Ruby had occasionally looked up to him, seeing how he watched the movie with such an intent. There had been a whispered murmur of thanks and a stolen kiss after it had finished, with a gentle hum of gratitude on Bucky's lips. After that, it had been Mary Poppins - Bucky loved it – followed by Lady And The Tramp, Robin Hood, The Jungle Book, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Alice In Wonderland, Bedknobs And Broomsticks, and finally, The Princess And The Frog. Ruby had been lay against Bucky’s chest for the majority of the films while he had his metal arm propped up on the arm of the chair and the other wrapped around her shoulders. Ruby could feel him becoming completely immersed in the films, watching every one of them with a sense of awe that a child would have the first time watching them. She stayed quiet through each one – unless he asked questions, which she would either answer quietly or tell him to watch the rest of the movie to get his answer. Neither of them made an attempt to make dinner, because Bucky deemed watching the movies too important. They had ended up ordering take-out in between Alice and Bedknobs And Broomsticks, and somewhere along the lines, Bucky had slipped into the loose pyjamas that he had started leaving at her house and Ruby had changed into hers. It was well into the early hours of the next day when they settled down, Bucky’s arms around Ruby and her head tucked under his chin, with the blankets pulled up high.

“I liked those movies.” His voice was barely above a whisper, but it still got a quiet laugh from her, and a kiss to his throat. 

“I knew you would.”

“He’s good, Disney.” 

“You know, there’s not just movies.” Ruby said quietly, stifling a yawn. “There’s entire theme parks.” 

“Theme parks?” 

“Disneyland and Disneyworld,” she nuzzled his neck, feeling his hand resting on the lower part of her back. “We’re closer to Disneyworld.” 

“Disneyworld.” Bucky repeated, feeling her nod against him. Instead of continuing to talk, Bucky gave a heavy yawn and settled back, making a note to remember to search Disneyworld on his laptop when he went back to his apartment, while Ruby drifted off in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of this chapter relates to a twitlonger from @MissRubyRed_.


	7. Home

Bucky knew that Wilson had to come home sometime – but he didn’t expect for that to be the day of Ruby’s birthday. Bucky had planned an entire day for the two of them, and it had been ruined by her damn husband showing up. He hadn’t been able to stay that night – he had been called in to work from SHIELD – but that hadn’t stopped him texting her at exactly midnight to wish her a happy birthday. It had been well into the early hours of the morning when Bucky finally got to go home, and also around the same time that he had bumped into Wilson and Barton. 

“You’re early.” Bucky grunted as Barton clapped a hand down on his real shoulder, and Wilson laughed at the pair. 

“Not happy to see us, Barnes?” Wilson asked. 

“That’s his way of showing affection,” Barton clarified. “What he really means is ‘I’m glad you’re alive, let me take you out for dinner and show you how much I care about you’.”

“Get off me,” Bucky shrugged Clint’s hand off of him, stepping away from the two. 

“Geez, Barnes, what’s your problem?” Wilson frowned at him, and Bucky had to ignore the real answer that he wanted to give the man. Instead, he scowled, pushing his hair from his face, but didn’t hide the irritation in his expression. 

“I already stayed late, I don’t want to be talking to you two пернатые придурки when I could be at home.” 

“Yeah? Sorry, Cyborg, but I didn’t see you saving anyone’s ass about an hour ago. What’s he got you doing, paperwork?”

“Sam. Drop it.” Clint warned, but Bucky had caught it. He stepped closer, uncrossing his arms, with a bite in his tone that would have made less experienced Agents flinch away from him. However, Wilson stood tall, meeting Bucky’s hardened eyes. 

“ _What_ did you call me?” 

“You think you can go around calling everyone else and not get a name yourself?”

“I didn’t ask for it.” Bucky snapped. “I was _made_ to have it.”

“There’s nothing stopping you taking it off,” Wilson shrugged. “I’ve seen you without it. You still work just as well. Worried if you take it off, Fury’s gonna bench you even more than you are now?”

“Sam –”

But Clint never finished his sentence. Bucky’s metal fist had connected with the wall behind the pair, narrowly missing Wilson on purpose. Both men flinched at the sound of the metal cracking the stone, and when Bucky pulled his hand back, his eyes were dark. 

“Call me that again and I’ll make sure your jaw looks like that.” 

Without another word, Bucky stalked away from the two men, leaving the hole in the wall and already blaming himself for letting his temper get the better of him. He was already irritated with Wilson, and the name had pushed him too far. He knew that would be a setback in regards to SHIELD and they would take him off of short missions for a while, but at that moment, all he could do was fish his phone from his pocket with his trembling flesh hand and text Ruby. 

 

**_‘I’ll see you when he’s gone. Have a great birthday, doll.’_**

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When he got through his apartment door, the first thing he did was take off his arm. It hurt – then again, it always did – and this time, he wasn’t taking it off like he knew he should do. He tugged it off of himself, biting down on his lip enough to draw blood as he did. The second it was off, Bucky launched it across the room, hitting the bookshelf with so much force that it tipped over, spilling its contents all over the living room floor. He was off balance for only a minute, adjusting to the loss of the weight. The arm lay abandoned on the floor, while Bucky made his way to bathroom, with his jaw locked.

Tugging off his shirt, he flicked the light on to stare at himself in the mirror. Scars spread across where the arm connected with his skin; etchings of white across him. He hated it. He hated being without the arm, but he hated the fact that he had it even more. It was a constant reminder of everything that he had done as the Soldier. Every life he had taken. Every drop of blood that he had ever drawn. It didn’t matter that it was a new arm. The taints were still there. The scars from procedures were still there. The implants in his head were still there. He couldn’t be without it, even if he tried. 

It took him a while to move from the mirror and get into the shower, turning the water up enough to be scalding to anyone else but him. He still felt chills every so often, but never as much as he did when he was in the shower. It reminded him too much of being stripped down and being thrown back into his Cryo tube. He was always in the shower for too long. He let the room fill with steam and the tiles become wet with condensation before he got out, shivering. Not wanting to bother with anything else, Bucky towelled off quickly and collapsed in bed, lying flat on his back. 

His mind went almost immediately to Ruby. There was no doubt in his mind that Wilson would be home now, finding her on the couch. Would he start an argument with her for sleeping there instead of the bed? Would he even remember that it was her birthday? Would he tell her that Bucky made to attack him almost as soon as he had seen him? Every thought made Bucky curl in on himself. He turned to lie on his front, burying his face in the pillows. He was just thankful that he had brought his things home from hers. The last thing he wanted was Wilson finding out about the two of them, especially if Bucky wasn’t there. His temper flared just at the thought of Sam touching Ruby; of Sam kissing her. 

The gifts he had got for Ruby were sitting on the bedside table. He turned his head to look at them, noting the bow even in the dark of the room. They were gifts that a man should have gotten their girl. He doubted Wilson even got her a card, much less a gift. The gifts that Ruby should have had for her birthday would now remain here until her husband left again. 

Bucky wasn’t about to go through the motions of thinking about how wrong their relationship was, because he didn’t think that way about it anymore. He knew that this was the right thing. Ruby was good for him. She balanced him, and had been doing for the past six months – three without being with her, and three with. 

But was he good for her? He had never really been a good person, even when he was Bucky before he was turned into Winter. Now, he had people who walked around him like they were walking on glass. He had a team of therapists that worked with him on a weekly basis, and he wasn’t getting out of that any time soon. He had Agents, mostly Coulson, who came over once a week now. It was less frequent, but he was still watched. His apartment was bugged, and he had to comply with the tests that the Doctors and Scientists at SHIELD ran on him every two months. 

He could feel the headache coming before it broke through properly. He couldn’t think about it any longer. He had to stop now, before he started his downward spiral that he knew was coming. He wasn’t any good for Ruby. He knew that. He should let her go, even if she was the only person that had made him feel normal since he woke. He should let her go, even though he loved her. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sleep came and went. 

Ruby’s birthday came and went. 

Wilson came and went. 

Bucky shut himself off from everything. 

Agents couldn’t get him out. His therapists couldn’t get him to come in. Calls from Hill, Coulson, and on one occasion, Fury, were ignored. Ruby’s texts went unanswered. Steve had tried on a number of occasions to get him to leave the apartment. Natasha had argued with him until they were both snapping at each other in Russian. He shoved his metal arm into the closet, hiding it from his sight. 

For two weeks, Bucky refused to leave. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Natasha was at the end of her tether. Nothing could pull Bucky from whatever it was that had caused him to close himself off from everyone. She couldn’t get him to move and neither could Steve. It was a last effort, but she didn’t know what else to do. If she knew anything, then maybe this could help him. This needed to help him, or he would be taken back into SHIELD’s custody again, placed under monitoring. Bucky would be right back to where he started if he didn’t stop. 

That reasoning was exactly why Natasha was stood on the porch, knocking on the door instead of using the bell. She heard the footsteps rushing to the door, and when it whipped open, the breeze moved Natasha’s hair. The face on the other side fell. Natasha knew all too well that Ruby had been expecting Bucky to be there after being gone so long. Instead, she had to settle for the red-headed assassin, who nodded her head back to her car. Ruby gulped, looking down at the other woman. Natasha’s tone was sharp, but they couldn’t afford to waste any more time. 

“You need to come with me. _Now_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> пернатые придурки - Feathered assholes.


	8. Wake Up

Ruby had been in a car with Natasha Romanoff only once before, and hadn’t seen her since. The redhead was silent as she drove, making Ruby uncomfortable. It was only when they were pulling up outside a block of apartments that Natasha looked at her, making Ruby want to shrink in on herself even though the woman had been nice to her the previous time they had met.

“All the monitoring inside his apartment is off. SHIELD wants him to comply, and the last thing he needs is them watching his every move. If he was going to run, he would have been gone within the first few minutes of whatever has made him act like this. I’m going to come up with you, but I won’t follow you inside. He won’t listen to me. I’ve tried. Everyone’s tried.” 

Ruby’s stomach lurched, piecing Natasha’s actions and words together. She didn’t know why Bucky hadn’t contacted her in two weeks – _two_ painful weeks – but she assumed he had moved on from her. Sam had mentioned once that he had a reputation with women, even now, and it had shown the very first time she had met him. She just assumed he had grown tired of her and thought that not contacting her was easier than breaking up. Would it even be a break-up? Natasha had told Ruby once that Bucky loved her, yet he hadn’t uttered the words to Ruby herself. Maybe Natasha thought more of it than Bucky did, but here Ruby was, being brought to him. 

“I thought he didn’t want to see me.” Her voice was quiet, looking at her hands folded on her lap. 

“He doesn’t want to see anyone. He’s not left that apartment in two weeks. He barely eats, and he refuses to sleep.” 

In spite of the new information, Ruby avoided Natasha’s gaze and kept her focus down until Natasha held out a tiny object no bigger than a flash drive, out to her. She turned to the woman questioningly, but Natasha was already prepared. 

“If he starts to scare you, use this. Press it once on the side. It will disable him long enough for me to get you out of there.” 

“You want me to attack him?” Ruby whispered. She refused to reach out for the object, so Natasha dropped it on her lap, shaking her head just enough to slightly move the red curls spilling over her shoulders. 

“Only if you have to. He’s unstable right now, and we don’t know all of his triggers. We don’t want to set him off or make him panic right now. Even in his state, he’s still more than capable. I’ve seen him take out a room full of men with his hands cuffed.” 

Natasha stopped herself, turning completely in her seat to face Ruby. What she was saying was more than likely terrifying the woman, but she had to know and be careful. If she wasn’t the only option Natasha had, then she wouldn’t be putting the woman within danger like this. She sighed, taking a softer, lower tone. 

“He’s close to being taken back into SHIELD’s custody. If he doesn’t pull himself out of whatever problem this is, he’s going to be back where he started. He will be monitored every minute of every day. He won’t be able to leave for months. No outside contact. Barely any contact with anyone inside SHIELD, except a select few.” She took a breath, letting her eyes soften in a moment of weakness, letting Ruby see how much she cared for him. 

“James was the first man in my life who told me that I could be more than a killer. He showed me things that I didn’t even think were possible. He’s special to me for that and many other reasons, but I can’t help him. _You_ can. Whatever you’ve done to him, it’s helped him. James never came into SHIELD with a smile, and yet two days after you kissed him, he was happier than most of us have ever seen him. He talks about you like you’re the world. He helped you when you thought that you were stuck in your marriage, and now he needs you to help him. He won’t listen to me, or Steve, but he’ll listen to you.” 

Ruby didn’t know what to say. There were a thousand questions shooting through her mind, and none that wanted to voice themselves. Bucky needed her help, but she didn’t know how he was going to take her. For all the two of them knew, he might push her back out of his apartment and tell her to never come back. Still, Ruby inhaled deeply, looking up at the building. 

“Which apartment?” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Natasha refused to let Ruby go into the building on her own. If she was going to press the button on the device then she needed to be close to get the blonde woman out before Bucky hurt her. She didn’t think he would, but then again, he had always been unpredictable. It was Natasha who took Ruby to the top floor, and Natasha who rapped on the door harshly. There was the sound of movement inside, but the voice that spoke wasn’t in the right tongue. Ruby’s eyes widened at the language that was muffled by the door, looking at Natasha. 

“Оставь меня в покое, Наталья. У меня нет терпения для вас сегодня.” 

“He thinks it’s me,” Natasha said to her, pressing the security code for the apartment regardless of the obvious snipe in the words. “Be careful, Red.”

Red. 

Ruby’s name on all SHIELD files. The use of the term made the situation feel more like a mission. Was that what Natasha wanted her to do? Treat it like a mission, working out the best possible ways to execute it and getting out before any trouble was caused? Ruby’s stomach lurched. She didn’t think she could do that, not with Bucky. Natasha turned the handle of the door and pushed, gesturing for Ruby to venture in the dark apartment. 

The first thing she noticed as the door shut behind her was the amount of empty vodka bottles on the coffee table. Six of them, standing in a perfect row. The second thing she noticed was the amount of mess that covered the room. Books lay scattered around, among clothes and a scarce amount of dirty dishes. The third thing in the room frightened her so much that she jumped, almost hitting her knee on the coffee table. 

“Ruby?” 

His voice was a hoarse whisper, coming from the chair in the furthest corner. Her eyes immediately found him and she saw the bookshelf lying flat on the floor, before her eyes found him. If he hadn’t have spoken, she wouldn’t have seen him. She couldn’t make out his features, but she could see his hand wrapped around the neck of another bottle, this one being half empty. 

“Why are you here?” There wasn’t a snap in his voice, but she reacted as if there were. Gulping, she took a tentative step forward. He didn’t move, keeping the bottle balanced on his knee. 

“I want to help you.”

“Don’t need it.” 

“You haven’t let me try.” 

“Don’t want you to.” 

“Bucky…” 

“I don’t want _you_ here.”

His voice was cold, and that struck her. He spat out his address for her, making the bottle shake on his knee. Ruby had half a mind to turn around and leave then and there, and never bother him again, but Natasha’s words resurfaced. Bucky _needed_ her help, whether he wanted it right now or not. Natasha believed that Ruby could help him, and she wasn’t going to give up before she even jumped the first hurdle. With a slightly quaking voice, she answered him. 

“I’m not going, Bucky. Not unless you tell me to.” 

An echo of his own words to her that first night. Ruby wanted to give a dark chuckle at how they had reversed roles, but she didn’t. He hadn’t asked her to leave so far; he had only told her that he didn’t want her there. 

“Will you let me?”

“I don’t want you to see me.”

“Please – ”

Bucky didn’t answer, but his hand tightened on the bottle so much that it shattered in his grip. Ruby flinched as the pieces shot out, but Bucky didn’t waste any time in shaking his hand. Instead he stood up, a shadow moving toward the lightswitch, passing her by on his way. The second the light flicked on, Ruby had to stare at him. 

His hair hung limp around his face, not pulled into his usual ponytail. He had proof that he hadn’t shaved in two weeks covering his face, and he looked paler than Ruby had ever seen a person look. His clothes hung looser than they would have normally, making her remember that Natasha said he wasn’t really eating. The biggest change however, was the fact that instead of a metal arm on his left side, the sleeve was empty. Ruby stared for just a second too long, making Bucky turn so she couldn’t see the space where his metal arm should have been. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky felt ashamed of himself. He didn’t want Ruby to see him like this. He could have shut himself off from the entire world and been okay with it, as long as the arm was off, but he couldn’t be. He missed her. He was _missing_ her, even now when she was stood a few feet away from him. He could easily take her in his arms and – 

Not arms. _Arm_. He had seen the look she gave him when she saw the empty sleeve, and he had turned not from that, but to hide it from her. He didn’t want her to see that. He didn’t want her to see him in the state he was in. He hadn’t text her simply because he couldn’t bring himself to. He didn’t want to bring her into this side of his life. 

He hated the Soldier’s actions every minute of every day, reliving the screams of various victims over and over again while he slept. In the past two weeks, it had gotten to the point where he would collapse out of exhaustion, manage a couple of hours, and wake in fits and covered in sweat. He didn’t eat, partially out of forgetting that he needed to – he hadn’t been fed while under the Soldier’s control. He hadn’t needed to, so he didn’t. They provided him with what he needed, so when he came back into his own memories, he only remembered to eat when food was placed in front of him or his stomach gave him crippling pain. It was a simple action to forget, but that wasn’t entirely it. He didn’t feel like he deserved to. He wasn’t a man, was he? He was a machine. A weapon of war, and weapons didn’t get the privileges that people got. They took what they were given, nothing more and nothing less. 

“I don’t want you to see me,” he made his tone softer, but the underlying pain was there. He couldn’t mask it that well in his current state. “Go home. _Please._ ”

“I’m not going to leave you.” 

Bucky shut his eyes tightly for a moment, raising his hand to rub his forehead. Why didn’t she understand? He was doing this to protect her. If protecting her meant being away from her, then he was going to do it. 

“Ruby, it’s for your own good. Just leave me alone.” 

“I want to help – ”

“I don’t want your fucking help!” Bucky snapped, watching her as she jumped at the sound of his voice. “I don’t deserve it!” 

He bit his tongue as soon as the words came out, leaving his mouth to fill with an all too familiar metallic taste. He turned away from her, disgusted with himself. He had admitted too much. He should have barricaded the door that morning. He had been thinking about it, with Natalia and Steve trying to drag him out of it every day. They didn’t understand. None of them understood. It wasn’t about what Wilson had said anymore, but about himself. About everything he was. He was tainted, a kind of disease that had no cure. He dragged everyone down with him and he knew that all too well. He almost killed Steve. He shot straight through Natalia. He was responsible for the deaths of people that haunted his mind every night, including Stark’s parents. He could easily take out the people he had come to understand as colleagues if someone said the wrong word to him and not even bat an eyelid.

His head was starting to hurt again and he could feel the build of the next bout of his temper when a gentle hand placed itself on his shoulder. Bucky flinched under her touch, but wouldn’t look at her. Ruby’s touch was soft; softer than anything he had felt in the time he had been torturing himself. 

“Listen to me. You’re not a bad person, Bucky. You’re more than what you think you are.” 

“I’m an instrument.” Bucky spat. “A weapon. Somebody’s puppet.” 

“Then cut the strings. Nobody can make you do things that you don’t want to do any more.” 

“Soldiers don’t say no. Soldiers follow orders. I’m good at following orders. I always have been.” 

“You’re not a puppet.” Ruby’s hand found its way to cup the side of his face, even though he knew that the beard was coarse and it would scratch her palm. “You’re not a toy for someone to mould to how they want it to be. You have choices and options. You can say _no._ ” 

That made him freeze. Bucky slowly turned his head to face her, not even bothering to mask his expression or the emotion in his eyes. He could see how much he had upset her, with the tears pooling in her eyes. She was blinking them back, and he wondered for a moment if he was doing the same. He hadn’t cried since having his memories back. Maybe he had forgotten how to do it. 

“I don’t deserve them.”

“ _Bucky._ You’re the one in control of your actions and your thoughts. Nobody else is inside your head. You can do whatever you want to do. You’re a free man.” Her hand moved to tuck his hair behind his ears, before both came back to cup his face. 

“But I’m not a man.” A whisper on his lips, letting his eyes look down again. “Not entirely. I can’t be what you should have.” 

“Do you think I care that you have a bionic arm? The only thing I care about is you. Whatever comes with you, I’ll take. I love you, Bucky, with or without your arm.” 

His eyes snapped back up to hers, widening slightly. Ruby caught what she said, with a pink tinge creeping onto her face. Bucky stared at her, searching her eyes and expression for any hints that she was joking. When he found none, he found it difficult to start to get his mouth to work, much less his mind. 

“You love me?”

For lack of a better response, Ruby simply nodded, too struck by her own words to answer him. She made to look down, but Bucky’s flesh hand caught her chin, forcing her to keep his gaze. She felt uncomfortable, like she was too warm, but then Bucky’s lips were meeting hers, and she felt like she could have melted then and there. It wasn’t the same as it usually was – his beard was awful to have scratch against her skin, while he went from being gentle to desperate within seconds. His hand was firm against her chin, keeping her where she was. Ruby whimpered against his lips, tasting the blood from earlier. Bucky pulled back first, keeping his face close enough to catch her in a kiss. He brushed his nose against hers, letting his hand on her chin go slack.

“I’m no good for you,” Bucky murmured. 

“I don’t care,” Ruby spoke in the same tone he did, letting her hands slip into his hair. “I love you. I want you.” 

“I love you.” 

He felt Ruby’s breath hitch in her throat and took the opportunity to wrap his flesh arm around her, pulling her close to him. They were close enough so that their bodies were touching, drawing a soft whimper from Ruby and a slight hitch in his breathing. The corners of her mouth twitched upward until she was smiling at him, toying with the strands of hair at the base of his neck. 

“You love me.”

“I love you.” 

The second time he said it wasn’t half as nerve-wracking as the first. He felt the smile growing on his face, tilting his head for another kiss. Ruby’s hands gently curled strands of the lank, dark hair that he had, and he pulled away quicker than he had done the first time. 

“You really don’t mind about what I come with?”

“You could grow a second head and I wouldn’t care. I’ll still know that you’re in there and that you have a chance of being my Bucky again.”

Instead of answering, Bucky tightened his arm around her for a brief moment before he let her go completely, taking a step back. He ran his flesh hand down her arm, tracing across her wrist. 

“I should clean.”

Letting go of her wrist, Bucky scratched his beard. He should be clean. He didn’t want her to get a rash from kissing him while he had it. He hated the idea of her kissing him while he had it. He hadn’t even liked the stubble he had when he had finally been brought in. It was one of the few things he had asked Steve to do – to help him shave. 

“I’ll make you a deal. You clean up yourself and I’ll clean your apartment. How does that sound?”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

By the time Bucky made it back to Ruby, she had made the apartment spotless. There were no vodka bottles, dishes or clothes littering the floor, and Ruby was looking at him with a kind of glow that was infectious. His arm had been reattached, but he still had his other hand curled around the bicep as he walked toward her.

“You didn’t have to,” Bucky told her quietly. “I would have…” 

“I’m here to help. I’ve told you.” 

“Then will you stay? I don’t … I don’t want to sleep alone again.” 

It came out as more of a plea than a request. Bucky looked at her with hopeful eyes, watching her expression changed from the grin she had been wearing to a look of pure fondness. Slowly, she nodded, reaching out her hand for his. 

“Are you tired now?”

Yes, he was. He nodded gently, watching her reach out her hand for his. He gave her the flesh one, letting her lead him around his own apartment until they reached the bedroom. Ruby didn’t glance around but simply gestured to the bed, urging him to lie down. Bucky beckoned her to join him the minute his back hit the softness of the bed, sinking into it. 

“Come here? Please?” 

If he wasn’t feeling so vulnerable, he wouldn’t be asking instead of pulling her into it with him, holding her in his arms. Ruby excused herself for a moment, leaving Bucky alone in the room. He shifted his weight off of his left, still adjusting to the feel of having the arm back on after being without it for so long without it. He had never gone for such a period of time before without his arm on, which made the experience even more uncomfortable than it should have been. He was about to shut his eyes and sigh when he felt the bed sink next to him slightly. He didn’t get chance to open his eyes before a soft hand had taken hold of his metal one, bringing the hand up to her lips. Bucky could feel the flutter of the kiss on the cool metal, making him open his eyes and look up at her. 

“You don’t have to.” 

“I want to. I’ve told you, I want all of you.” 

Bucky shook his head, letting his metal hand close around her wrist and pull her towards him, coaxing her to lie down properly, curling into him, resting her head on his chest. Bucky relaxed completely for the first time since she had been in the apartment, running metal fingers though her hair. Ruby exhaled heavily as Bucky fumbled around for the quilt, pulling it up over the two of them. 

Bucky could feel himself start to drift just from being comfortable with her. She had been able to do what nobody else had – she had calmed him. She had taken the pieces of his breakdown and put them back together in a way that was lost on others. He was never going to be what he believed she should have, but she loved him, and that was everything. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, Bucky murmured softly against her – so softly, that only she would have been able to hear if they were in a room full of others.

“I missed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Оставь меня в покое, Наталья. У меня нет терпения для вас сегодня. - Leave me alone, Natalia. I have no patience for you today.
> 
> This chapter has hints to a twitlonger by @MissRubyRed_. http://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1s1llio


	9. Secrets

The beginning of December brought snow starting to fall. Bucky had been back at SHIELD for almost three weeks, with Natasha covering the story of what happened. As far as anybody knew, Natasha had pulled him out of his state. Nobody questioned it – Natasha had been able to do the same thing once before, so it was a perfectly reasonable excuse. Bucky complied with the new rules that he had – an extra two hours of therapy, and he wasn’t allowed to go on short missions and only allowed to provide information via a Comm, and the monitoring in his apartment had to go back on – but Bucky didn’t complain. He had gotten one night with Ruby there without SHIELD breathing down his neck, and it was easily the best morning he had spent with her. They had spent the majority of it in bed, simply talking and kissing, with Bucky making her breakfast. 

When they managed to leave the room, they had simply fallen together on the couch, with Bucky laying his head on her lap and her running her fingers through his hair while they watched tv. He had shown her the only picture he had of the Howling Commandos, along with Steve and Peggy in it, followed by a story. It had been taken a few hours before the Commandos had set out on their first mission, and it had also been their first time in their new uniforms. Peggy had straightened each and every one of them out before being asked to be in the picture by Steve, and Howard Stark himself had taken it. His tone had dropped when he mentioned Howard, but Ruby had squeezed his flesh hand and smiled softly, relaxing him before he upset himself. 

The one thing she noticed about his apartment was that it didn’t really looked like it was lived in. Aside from the mess she had cleaned up, it seemed like Bucky kept the apartment clean. Even so, Ruby had expected it to at least look like he was there. The picture he had shown her was the only one in the apartment. All the shelves on the bookcase were filled with books written in different languages as well as English, and further down there was a docking station with a slim iPod resting next to it, but other than that, there wasn’t much else. Ruby supposed it was because he didn’t spend a lot of time there – if he wasn’t at SHIELD, then he was with her. She also supposed it was in case he needed to leave quickly. Having a lack of possessions meant that he could take the minimal amount and be gone without having to worry about anything. She didn’t think about that option for long though, because she didn’t want to start to think about him vanishing again. Not after she had just gotten him back from his own darkness. 

She stayed the following night, but in the morning Bucky had taken her home and gone straight to SHIELD, where Natasha had caught him before he went to see Fury. She had gone with him and made up the entire story herself, with Bucky playing along easily. It had gone over well with everyone, except Steve. 

Steve had suspicions to begin with. He had seen Bucky that first time both he and Natasha had been to his apartment to try and coax him out of it, and he had snapped at her in a string of Russian curses that had Natasha breathing in heavily so she didn’t react. Bucky had always been stubborn, and Steve didn’t believe for one moment that she had been what had changed him. It seemed too simple for it to be Natasha. If she had been truly going over every day, why would Bucky decide to change on that particular day? It had taken Natasha weeks to get him to even utter one word of English when they had first brought him in. Countless hours had been spent with Natasha and Steve sitting outside the room that held him. It had only been in a moment of complete weakness, with Bucky getting a memory back about Natasha that had made him change his language. Still, Steve had let it lie – until now. 

He had to know what had actually happened. Any changes that Bucky exhibited were something that Steve wanted to know about, and yet the two of them were covering it up. Deciding that he couldn’t take it anymore, Steve went to Bucky’s apartment on a day he knew that the man had free, but when he got there, the apartment was empty. It looked like it had been for hours, too. Bucky wasn’t particularly messy when he was in his own state of mind, but there were always traces that he had been around. His bed didn’t even look like it had been slept in. With a locked jaw, Steve took out his phone, pressing buttons quickly before lifting it to his ear and leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen. He didn’t even wait for the person on the other end of the call to speak before Steve was demanding answers. 

“What happened to him? Tell me the truth.” 

“We talked it out, Rogers.”

“I know that’s not true. Nothing like that is easy with him. What _happened_?” 

There was a long pause on the call. For a moment, Steve thought that Natasha had hung up on him, but then there was movement on the other end of the call. 

“You want to know what happened to him?” 

Then the call ended. Steve yanked the phone away from his ear and was about to call Natasha back when it buzzed in his hand, showing a text from Natasha. There was an address, followed by ‘You’ll see’. The address made Steve pull himself off of the doorframe and stand straight, almost gripping his phone in his hand. 

What the hell was Bucky doing there? 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steve didn’t want to believe it. The moment he had pulled up across the street and saw Bucky’s car parked outside the house with the white door, he wanted to turn around and go home. Steve knew all too well that Sam was away on a covert operation, and that could only mean one thing. Bucky was with Sam’s wife. Bucky had been visiting Sam’s wife, and he highly doubted that it was based on just her cooking. He had chased after married women for kicks when he was younger, but Steve hadn’t expected it to carry over into the new version of Bucky that they had. He knew right from wrong. You didn’t go after married dames, and Bucky knew that. Married dames were committed. 

Despite the urge to leave, Steve still got off of his bike and crossed the street, taking the porch steps two at a time. He raised his hand to press the doorbell, but paused when he heard the voices inside. He stilled his hand, leaning closer to the door. He heard the laughter inside – Bucky’s, mixed with a lighter and softer one. That made him almost turn away. Whatever he had to say to Bucky, he could say it later, couldn’t he? But then again, Bucky was still spending time with Sam’s wife. Steve didn’t even want to think about how far it had gone between the two of them, but he knew he couldn’t let it go on any longer than it had. He pressed the doorbell quickly, taking a step back from the door. Even from where he was, he could still hear the voices from inside. 

“Pizza’s here!” 

“Actually give him the tip this time, dork!” Her voice was much more muffled than Bucky’s was, giving the impression that she was further away. Good. Steve didn’t want to deal with her as well. 

“Fine, but that’s not nearly as fun!” 

Steve sucked in a breath as the door opened to reveal Bucky, with his hair hanging loose around his face, wearing loose fitting clothes, and the brightest smile that Steve had seen on him in a long time. That smile was quickly erased when Bucky realised that it wasn’t, in fact, the pizza delivery boy who had rang the doorbell. His mouth opened and shut quickly while he stuffed his wallet back into his pocket, looking at Steve with slightly wide eyes before he wiped his expression clear. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky didn’t know what to say. Steve – _Steve_ – was here, standing outside Ruby’s door, wearing a hard expression. His eyes had widened the moment he saw his best friend. The lack of surprise on Steve’s face meant that he already knew exactly what Bucky was doing there, and was looking for an explanation as to why. Closing his mouth abruptly, he made a note to discuss with Natasha who they were going to tell about his and Ruby’s relationship. Quietly, he stepped out onto the porch, shutting the door behind him to talk to Steve without Ruby overhearing. 

“It’s not what you think.” Bucky finally found himself saying. 

“Not what I think? You’re hanging out with a _married_ woman, Buck. She’s even married to someone that you know.”

“We’re not –”

“She’s Sam’s wife. She’s married to _Sam_.”

“On paper.” Bucky’s tone came out harsher than he intended, but he didn’t stop. “He never fucking sees her, Steve. He’s never here for her.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s right to chase after her.” Steve’s tone didn’t quite match Bucky’s, but it wasn’t too far off. His jaw locked as if to say something more, but Steve threw his hands up instead, starting back down the steps. Bucky followed, keeping close enough to reach out and grab Steve by the shoulder if necessary.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this. She’s a great woman, and they’re great together. You’re breaking up a marriage, Buck.” 

“Great together? Yeah, it’s great when he calls her and barks orders at her down the line . It’s great when he’s off missions and sees everyone else, but not her. Comes home on her birthday and fucking forgets until she gets a generic, crappy card through the mail from SHIELD. Doesn’t let her play the piano or sing because he hates having to listen to her music. Doesn’t take her out on dates when he’s home or even show her any sort of affection. You know she sleeps on the couch when he’s gone? She hates their house. She’s fucking stuck with him, Steve. She’s stuck there in a marriage that she doesn’t get anything from.”

The two of them had made it to Steve’s bike by now, with Steve sitting on it and looking at him. Bucky gripped the middle of the handlebars with his metal hand, letting it lock itself into place. He wasn’t done talking to Steve. Not until he knew that Steve understood. 

“Let them fix it together. It’s their problem, not yours. You shouldn’t get involved.” 

“He doesn’t love her.” 

“And you do?” 

“Yeah, I do.” 

Steve’s eyes widened slightly and Bucky saw the fraction of a change in his expression. Steve’s eyes scanned his face, holding his gaze for a long moment before he sighed, going to shake his head. Bucky cut him off before Steve could find a way around what Bucky’s answer had been.

“She’s not a game to me. I’m not doing this for any other reason other than that I love her. You know how much I’ve done with her? Kissed her. I’m not just screwing her out of boredom. I spend all of my time with her. I love her, Steve. She makes me better. She makes me feel _normal_ , and I haven’t felt like that in a long fucking time.” 

Another long pause. Steve had turned his gaze away from Bucky’s, looking down at the ground instead. He seemed to be processing everything that the other man had told him, while Bucky tightened the grip of his metal hand. Any tighter and he was bound to leave dents, but he couldn’t risk Steve driving off.

“What do you want out of this?” Steve’s voice was low, hinting at a curious tone. “Where’s this going to go? Are you going to keep sneaking around his back forever? What about when he finds out? You know he’s going to, and you don’t seem to give a damn about it. That could have been him coming home instead of me ringing on the bell. You’re not thinking.”

“I don’t care if he finds out.” 

Bucky had spoken before he had even thought, but that didn’t mean that he hadn’t meant his words. He didn’t care if Sam found out about his relationship with Ruby. Hell, he didn’t care if Sam tried taking his anger out on him after he found out. As long as he didn’t touch Ruby, Bucky could deal with it. 

“I want to be with her. I don’t care if that’s sneaking around and keeping it hidden, or if it’s her getting a divorce. I don’t care if we have to run away to be together because if she asked me to, we’d be gone before the hour was up. I don’t care. All that matters is Ruby.” 

“This is wrong.” 

“Might come as a surprise to you, but I know what’s right and wrong. This isn’t wrong. I feel – no, I _know_ that I’m doing something right for once. The way I feel about Ruby, I know that it’s right. I’m supposed to be with her, it’s just bad luck that Wilson found her first.” 

“You’re not going to stop, are you?” Steve gave an almost defeated sigh, looking back up at Bucky. The determination had already set in Bucky’s eyes as he looked at his best friend, giving a curt shake of his head. 

“Not until she tells me to go.” 

“And she loves you like you love her?”

Bucky answered with a nod instead of words, slowly easing his hand on the handlebars of the bike. There were no scratches, thankfully, but Bucky could feel how tight he had been holding them as his arm unlocked itself. Steve’s expression became unreadable for several long minutes and Bucky wondered if they were going to have to argue all over again – and he would, he would argue for his and Ruby’s relationship until someone had to knock him out – but that wasn’t the case. Steve tilted his head, leaning forward on the bike. 

“If this is going to work, then you have to stop sneaking around. I don’t care what you said earlier, you have to stop that part of whatever the hell this is. You need to sort it out between the three of you. If she’s unhappy then she should be telling him instead of going behind his back to you.” 

“I kissed her first.” 

“But she kissed you back, right? It’s a two-way street, Buck. You’re giving her what she wants and she’s getting what she should be getting from Sam off you. It’s not right to sneak around if you two really feel the way that you do about each other. If you love her, it shouldn’t be a secret.” 

“You’re not gonna tell him, are you?” 

“Not yet, but I’m not going to play along with your game. If he starts to get suspicious then I’m going to tell him. I’m not covering up what you’re doing when he’s my friend. You’ve got until after Christmas. I’m not saying tell him over Christmas because that’s going to make for a pretty terrible holiday, but you better do it afterward. If it goes past January, then I’m telling him.” 

“Fine. Do what you have to do.”

Bucky stepped far enough away for Steve to be able to start his bike, watching the man look back at the house. Bucky could see that he wasn’t happy with the situation, but as long as Steve stayed out of it, Bucky was fine with that. They hadn’t even discussed telling Wilson, because he was never there. Like Bucky had said, she was only married on paper. Steve went to open his mouth again, but he instead turned his attention to behind Bucky. Bucky, in suit, turned and followed Steve’s gaze, seeing Ruby watching the two of them from the doorway. Bucky didn’t even turn back to Steve. He jogged to her, taking the steps quickly.

From his new position, he could see her teeth biting into her bottom lip softly as she wrapped her arms around herself, looking up at him with worried eyes. As soon as she did, his arms were wrapping themselves around her, pulling her close to him. He heard Steve setting off, and felt Ruby’s hand curling into his t-shirt. 

“He’s not going to tell him. He’s given us time, babe. We’ve got time.” 

“He knows.” Ruby’s voice was quiet. “I bet he hates me. He must think I’m awful… Being married and seeing you at the same time… I bet women didn’t do that in the Forties, did they?”

“Don’t do that.” Bucky kissed the top of her head, breathing in heavily. “This isn’t wrong. I know that, you know that. I love you, Ruby. This is right. This is what we should be doing.” 

“But Steve…” 

“He’s going to have to deal with it. It’s got nothing to do with him anyway. This is you and me, and that’s it. We’ll cross that other bridge when we come to it, alright?”

Ruby nodded against his chest, tightening her hold on his shirt. Bucky rubbed soothing circles on her back, standing there with her for a while in comfortable silence. Truthfully, they hadn’t been sneaking around. Nobody asked Bucky what he did with his time off and Ruby never got checked up on by SHIELD, so it wasn’t as if they were going behind backs like Steve had said. Bucky had never been there when Wilson had been home – yet. He knew the man was coming home for Christmas, but Bucky knew he wouldn’t be able to keep himself away. It was _their_ first Christmas together. His and Ruby’s. Wilson coming home wouldn’t change that. It was only when Ruby shivered that Bucky chuckled, pulling himself away from her enough to see her. 

“Let’s go inside and I’ll kiss you senseless while we wait for the pizza. Does that sound good?”

“What if we don’t hear the bell?” 

Smirking, he took hold of Ruby’s hand and led her back inside, kissing her as soon as the door shut. He stumbled back with her to the living room, collapsing on the couch and pulling her on-top of him, keeping one hand on her hip and letting the other snake up her back. Ruby’s hands slipped into his hair, twisting the dark strands between her fingers. Bucky deepened their kiss, switching their position. Steve’s words still rung in Bucky’s head, but he pushed it aside. They would cross that bridge when they came to it. For now, he lost himself in kissing Ruby, feeling her wrap her arms around his neck to toy with his hair there. Bucky grinned against her lips, deepening their kiss. 

As it turned out, they did miss the doorbell.


	10. Christmas

Bucky got to spend the majority of December with Ruby, right up until the 23rd , when Wilson came home. The snow had been falling thick and fast, which meant more time inside with the fire as warm as it would go, and with thick blankets on both the couch during the day, and the new bed upstairs that Ruby had gotten for the two of them. Before Wilson came home, Bucky had made sure he flipped the mattress – he refused to sleep on the same side that Wilson did – and Ruby had changed all of the sheets so that his pillows no longer smelled like him. It had been a lingering kiss at the doorway, the kind that made her knees go weak, and then watching him leave, throwing his duffle bag in the backseat of the car with the clothes that he kept leaving over. 

One hour, and that’s all it had taken to get rid of everything that was evidence to Bucky being there. The aftershave in the bathroom. The grey t-shirt that she had claimed out of his bag so that she could wear it for bed. The thick blanket over the back of the couch. The leather jacket on the hanger at the door. The bottle of vodka in the fridge that they had drank half of one of the colder nights he had been there. Everything that he had brought into her life, he had taken away almost as quickly. Now it was replaced with thin sheets on the bed – Sam hated being too warm at night – the fridge filled with beers, the awful aftershave that made Ruby scrunch up her nose. Still, she forced herself to smile at him and to welcome him home with a kiss that had no measure against the way Bucky had been kissing her, and cook him dinner while he showered. The night had been spent on her own side of the bed, with Sam facing away from her. Ruby lay awake for hours, missing the feeling of Bucky’s arm wrapped around her waist – always the right one, he refused to let her sleep with the cold metal touching her skin – and the soft snores that came from him. There were one or two nights where he would frown and twitch while he slept, muttering so rapidly that it took her a while to realise that it was Russian coming from him, not English, but he usually slept peacefully while she was with him. 

Christmas Eve brought the same thing the previous day had done. Ruby preparing meals for her and Sam, and Sam doing whatever the hell he wanted to do. He tried to get her to watch a horror movie with him to which she had refused, which caused a slight snipe from him and cleared Ruby out of his presence and up the stairs, into the bedroom. Her phone buzzed at the moment she collapsed onto the bed, so as soon as she was settled, she checked it. 

**_Steve’s kidnapped me. Send help._**

A smile grew instantly at Bucky’s name. She had a picture to go with it, but had to remove it now that Sam was there on the slim chance that he would catch her talking to him. 

_Kidnapped you? I’m sure you could escape if you wanted to._

Steve. They had discussed that night when he found out just what they would do, and for the most part, it was simply to carry on as they were. They would deal with Sam when they had to, Bucky said. They were going to focus on each other and Christmas, and think about him later. Bucky had won her over by insisting that they spend Christmas only thinking about the good side of things as it was his first Christmas since the Forties. Ruby had sighed, defeated, and then teased him about being an old man, promptly followed by Bucky separating himself from her and refusing to kiss her until she took it back. 

**_Can’t. Natalia would kill me._**

Ruby had to say, she liked the woman. She made her feel uncomfortable from time to time, but then again, Bucky said she did that to everyone. Because of her hidden expressions, Natasha could go from looking like she was interested to looking like she was working out how to kill you best within seconds. Bucky said it was a look she had always had. He told Ruby of a time that he had been training with her alone, and she had kissed him – Ruby suspected that it wasn’t a ghost of a kiss like he had said – and then swept his legs out from under him, holding his own blade at his throat while she disabled his arm with her bites. She could be both types of person at once, and few understood both sides. 

**_They’re forcing me to stay the night. They don’t want me to be alone on Christmas morning._**

That brought a happy sigh out of her. She hadn’t wanted him to be alone either. She would have given anything to have him with her on Christmas morning, waking up together slowly, with him kissing her forehead and whispering “Merry Christmas, doll.” To her, but she knew they couldn’t. Nothing about their relationship was going to be exposed until after the holidays, which meant they had to spend their first Christmas together apart.

_That’s sweet of them. Play nice, Bucky._

**_Does taking my arm off to chase Barton count as nice?_**

She started to laugh, reading the text over again. He had only done it once to her, and it had been the biggest fright of her life. One moment she was cooking and the next moment she was dropping the contents of the pan all over the floor through jumping at the metal hand that had walked itself into the kitchen and up onto the counter, waiting expectantly for her. 

**_He just stuck a paper hat on my head. Gotta run, babe._**

**_He better not be an ass to you today or I’ll string him up on the tree tomorrow._**

The last text she received made her cradle her phone close to her chest. Even though he was supposed to be having fun and enjoying himself at the Tower, he was taking time out to text her just because he _wanted_ to talk to her. It was a new sensation for her every time he did. If he was at SHIELD, he would tell her how his therapy had gone that day. They never discussed what went on inside his sessions, but he always let her know. He texted her to see if she was having a good day, and ask what she had done. He texted her in the middle of the night sometimes, when he was staying late to tell her he missed her, and that he would be there soon to hold her. Every night that he spent away, he reassured her that he was coming back. Sometimes he would slip into bed just before sunrise, but he made sure he was there every morning that he could be. He didn’t like her sleeping alone any more than she liked being in their bed without him. 

She closed the text and went to her pictures, clicking through a few until she found the one she wanted. Bucky had taken it of the two of them, with Ruby curled in his arms and his chin resting on her shoulder, and his face turned to kiss her cheek. It made a warmth pool in her, letting her know that she could do this. She could get through the next few days with Sam, because she knew that Bucky was coming back to her. Her Bucky was going to be there as soon as he left, and then they could be together again. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Natasha had taken the bottle out of his grip easily, sitting down beside him on one of the large couches that were placed in the shared living area of the Tower. She wasted no time in leaning against him while she looked at the screen of his phone. 

“How many times have you looked at that?”

“Not enough,” Bucky said, turning his head to look at her. The picture was almost identical to the one Ruby had, except in this one, she was laughing. Bucky’s free hand had ghosted to her side after the first one had been taken, and he had quickly swapped the phones and taken one for himself. However, it wasn’t the picture he had as her Caller ID. That picture was of Ruby playing her piano. He had taken it without her knowing as she played him one of her favourite songs, lulling him into a sense of relaxation that he didn’t get anywhere else except when he was with her. 

“You wish you were with her now.”

“I wish I was with her all the time.” Bucky shut off his phone, hearing the footsteps approaching long before they reached them. He never answered Natasha’s question fully, because Barton dropped against his other side as soon as he reached the couch. 

“Not up to Poker, Barnes?”

“I’m not sure you could handle getting your ass kicked twice today, Barton. You’ll start acting like an оставленный ребенок.” 

“You know I can speak Russian, right?”

“Yeah,” Bucky nodded, knowing that the corners of Natasha’s mouth had turned upward at the slight vocal match between the two. “That’s why I said it. I should have said you were an отказались птица instead.”

“James,” Natasha scolded, but there was no heart in it. He knew it had amused her, just like it was amusing Barton, even though he was trying his hardest to not react in the way Bucky knew he wanted to. 

“The pair of you are intimidating when you’re sat like that.” 

“Would you prefer a different position?” Bucky asked, but Natasha was already moving. She seated herself comfortably on Bucky’s lap, leaning against his shoulder to look at Clint. He rolled his eyes, looking at Bucky.

“If you weren’t a dude with a metal arm and someone that Tasha liked, I’d be taking you down right now.” 

“It’s a shame, isn’t it?” Bucky smirked, reaching to wrap one of Natasha’s curls around his flesh fingers. “Такой позор, отказались птица. Наталья всегда будет иметь мягкое место для ее Яша.”

“You realise that Russian is less intimidating now that we know you?” 

“Is that why you were screaming when my arm chased you across the tower?”

“That thing is creepy when you’re not attached to it. Then again, you’re creepy as hell, Barnes.”

“Clint!” Natasha hissed at him, feeling Bucky’s fingers drop from her hair as he chuckled, speaking to her in her native tongue. 

“Наталья, пожалуйста. Я взрослый человек, я могу бороться мои собственные сражения.”

“Конечно, вы можете. Вот почему у меня было спасти вас дважды, Джеймс.” She looked at him with a slight grin, moving off of him just as easily as she had moved onto him, passing his bottle back before she walked away from the two men and past the ridiculously oversized Christmas tree that looked like something right out of a display window – Pepper prided herself on the tree, as he learnt within the first few minutes of being there and making a comment about it being too big. The two of them sat in a comfortable silence for all of a few minutes, before Clint brought his hand down on Bucky’s left shoulder. 

“Come on Barnes, be a man and play some Poker!”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Over the course of the night, Ruby had received several pictures from Bucky. Sam didn’t even comment about the buzzing of her phone as they watched tv in silence, with Ruby glancing at their tree every so often. She and Bucky had picked it and put it up together, which involved Bucky trying to make it perfect. Every decoration he had placed had a great deal of thought put into it, and Ruby had watched him with a soft smile. After the tree was finished, Bucky had told her a story about himself and his sister Rebecca when they were children. The story had made her grin, much like the series of images had. 

The first had been of the Christmas tree with the caption ‘He’ll fit right on it’. The second had been of Steve wearing a Santa hat, quickly followed by Barton wearing an Elf one. After that there had been a couple from the Poker game that Bucky had won, featuring Barton looking more disgruntled with every picture that she received. Finally, the last one had been a dark picture of himself at exactly midnight, with ‘Merry Christmas, Ruby. I love you.’ Sam had only turned over when her phone had buzzed on the nightstand, and Ruby had been able to check the message without bothering him. They texted for a short while before Bucky told her to get some sleep, and that he wished she was with him instead. With those messages in mind, Ruby fell into sleep, dreaming about Bucky being there with her. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

While she was excited about Christmas, she wasn’t truly excited until she and Sam reached the Avengers Tower. She had made sure to wear red – though not a dress, but a sweater – and red lipstick. Sam had said nothing about her appearance but merely passed her leather jacket to her before they left, having already put the gifts in the car. Gifts that Ruby was now carrying half of. When JARVIS greeted them in the elevator, Ruby grinned. She couldn’t help herself. Sam, having been in the tower before, simply gave her a raised eyebrow. Ruby had stopped caring the second they had stepped inside. She knew that Bucky was upstairs, waiting. 

Except he wasn’t. 

At least not when she got there, anyway. 

They had been greeted by Clint who had shoved glasses of champagne at them as soon as they placed the presents under the tree, and then Pepper who had offered to take their coats. Ruby had been introduced to everyone present, which included Clint, Natasha – who was perfect in acting as though she had never met Ruby before – Pepper, once she had come back, Phil Coulson, who she had heard snippets about from Bucky, and James Rhodes, before Ruby was finally introduced to Tony Stark. In truth, she didn’t know what to say to any of them. Clint had made her feel relaxed, at least. The others she was slowly getting used to when Sam spoke up, stretched out on the couch while she stood with Natasha and Pepper.

“Where’s Cap? 

“He and the ex-Soviet are playing happy families,” Tony called from the bar. Natasha rolled her eyes, looking over her shoulder at Sam.

“They’re stopping off at as many orphanages as they can with gifts. They both know what it’s like to be without.” 

“Didn’t know Barnes had a heart like that.”

“James is many things,” Natasha’s tone suddenly turned cold, and her eyes narrowed slightly. “Do not assume he is _one_ aspect of what you believe simply because that’s the only side he has shown you.”

“She’s got a point,” Clint butted in, trying to ease the argument before it started. “He’s pretty good at playing Poker. You should play him sometime, Sam.”

“I’ll give it a miss. Last time I played with Barnes, he nearly broke my jaw.” 

“Then it should teach you not to piss him off,” Natasha said before turning her attention back to the two women she was stood with. Ruby’s eyes had widened at the admission from Sam, but she didn’t question it. She wouldn’t ask Sam. She would ask Bucky. Even if Bucky hated the man, he still treated everything fairly. Sipping at her drink, Ruby joined in the small talk happening around her, until the elevator doors opened, and Steve walked back in with Bucky at his side. 

“Finished, Captain Christmas?” Tony immediately asked, to which Steve rolled his eyes. Bucky was barely listening though, because his eyes had found Ruby. She felt her face start to get warm and tried to will it away, not wanting to draw attention to herself. Bucky flashed her a small smile that could have easily been passed off as one for Natasha who was stood right next to her, but she knew that it was for her. 

“Have fun delivering happiness to all those kids?”

“Yeah,” Bucky looked at Clint as he replied, taking the glass from him that he was holding out. “Funnily enough, I like kids.” 

“You _like_ kids?” Sam asked from his position on the couch. Bucky rolled his eyes, turning to look at him. 

“Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I dislike everyone.”

“You seem to hate a lot more people than you like, Barnes.” 

“Just you, pal.” 

“Hey,” Steve warned, looking between the pair of them. “Knock it off. It’s Christmas.”

“Listen to the old man, kids. Besides, it’s time for dinner.” Stark clapped his hands, grinning. “You all better be hungry.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had gone dark before Ruby finally got to be alone with Bucky. She had excused herself from room, where the majority of their party were drinking after opening their presents. Bucky had excused himself a while ago to cool down, and nobody had questioned it. They all knew that groups even like this for an extended period of time sometimes caught him off guard, even though he knew every person at the table.

 

On her way back to the living area, she wasn’t prepared for the metal fingers that wrapped around her wrist, pulling her into the room. The door shut behind her and she barely had a moment to adjust to the dark of the room before Bucky’s lips were on hers, pressing her against the door. She melted into it instantly, letting her hands wrap around his neck and into his hair. He kept his left hand on her hip and his right cupping her face, stroking her cheek gently while he deepened their kiss. Ruby made a noise against him, tightening her fingers in his hair. 

“I missed you,” his voice was a whisper when he pulled back, and she was slightly breathless. She didn’t have a chance to return his words before he had pulled away from her, leaving her to hold back the slight whimper at the loss of his body pressed against hers. He flicked on the lamp beside the bed, where two presents lay on one pillow, perfectly wrapped in red paper. Ruby looked at him with wide eyes – he had already given her a gift in front of everyone. He had simply gotten her a bottle of expensive perfume, claiming that he didn’t know her well enough to get her something she would like. Little did everyone else know that it was the perfume she had worn on their date to the Ballet.

“What’s this?”

“I couldn’t give you your presents in front of everyone, babe. I had to get you on your own.” 

“You shouldn’t have.” 

“Too late,” he shrugged. “They’re already paid for. Come on, open them.” 

So she did. Ruby made her way over to the bed and sat down, pulling the biggest gift into her lap first. It was soft to the touch, giving no clear definition of what it was. As soon as she unwrapped it, a gasp fell from her mouth. A red dress was pulled from the wrappings, and she could tell almost immediately that it was more expensive than the first one he had seen her in, and probably more than half of her entire wardrobe. 

“Bucky…”

“Keep going. That’s not the best one.” 

The next gift was heavy, and as she unwrapped it, she noticed that there were two gifts in the wrapping. The top gift was a bound leather journal, and the gift underneath was a book of Russian sheet music for her piano. She placed one hand flat on the book and looked at him, leaning over to kiss him. 

“I love them.” 

“You still have one more gift.” 

Bucky pulled a small box from behind him, offering it to her. With raised eyebrows, she took it from him, unwrapping it as slowly as she had done the last two. This one however was making her hands shake, and even more so when her fingertips brushed the black velvet of the box lid. With a deep breath, she opened the lid and her eyes widened. Inside was a thin silver chain with a silver heart on, and a smaller heart within that – a ruby. She glanced from the necklace to him quickly, unsure of what to say. Without a word, Bucky took the chain from the box and fastened it around her neck, letting the two hearts sit over the collar of her sweater. 

“You’ve gotten me too much…”

“I’ve not got you enough,” Bucky murmured, kissing her cheek. “I wish I could get you more.” 

“You don’t have to win me with gifts. You’ve already got me. I’m yours.” 

“I know,” his hand slipped into her hair, toying with the straight blonde locks before he pulled her into another kiss, wrapping his arm around her waist to pull her onto his lap, and from there both arms wound around her to hold her against him. Ruby’s hands held onto his shoulders as she kissed him, falling into the pattern that neither of them would never quite be familiar with. She only pulled back when she knew she was beginning to become breathless and knew they had been gone too long. Bucky kissed her once – twice – _three_ times before he let his arms go slack around her, rubbing his nose against hers. 

“Let’s just stay here.” 

“You know that we can’t,” Ruby murmured against him, kissing his cheek. Bucky groaned, letting his head fall back. 

“We could. He’s too pissed to notice you missing anyway.” 

“You said after Christmas.” 

“But now you’re here.” 

“And I’m going to be here,” she told him, playing with the end of his ponytail, “but we’re going to wait until after Christmas, aren’t we? Then we can be you and me.” 

“Alright, alright.” Bucky looked back up to her, meeting her eyes with a mischievous glint playing in his own. “One more kiss before you go?” 

Shaking her head, Ruby giggled before she leaned in to kiss him. Bucky’s hands found her hips again and pressed her to him, making her shift into a more comfortable position for the two of them. She could afford to spend a few more minutes with him. She could pass it off with an excuse as simple as getting lost in the Tower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> оставленный ребенок - Abandoned child.
> 
> отказались птица - Abandoned bird. 
> 
> Такой позор, отказались птица. Наталья всегда будет иметь мягкое место для ее Яша - Such a shame, abandoned bird. Natalia will always have a soft spot for her Yasha.
> 
> Наталья, пожалуйста. Я взрослый человек, я могу бороться мои собственные сражения - Natalia, please. I’m a grown man, I can fight my own battles. 
> 
> Конечно, вы можете. Вот почему у меня было спасти вас дважды, Джеймс - Of course you can. That's why I've had save you twice, James.


	11. Just One Night

“Babe, come on.” 

“No.”

“Why not?” 

“Someone’s going to find out.”

“How many times do I have to tell you? They’ve taken me off monitoring. I’m a free man.”

“How do you know that?”

“I checked it myself.”

“The answer is still no.”

Bucky groaned inwardly, pushing his hair back. For the better part of thirty minutes, he had been having the same conversation with Ruby, and every time he asked his question he was met with the same answer – no. The two of them had moved from their original position where they had been curled up on the couch, legs tangled together with her lay on him, to standing up where Bucky was leaning against the back of the couch and Ruby was standing in the doorway to the dining room, looking pointedly away from him. All of this over a small request. 

He had gotten the news the day before. He had been pulled into Maria Hill’s office to have the situation explained to him. SHIELD would no longer be monitoring his apartment, but there would be an Agent coming to check on him every week. His behaviour had improved since his temporary break in November, and so they were prepared to let him live unsupervised. He had checked the apartment over himself after SHIELD had removed all monitoring systems just to make sure that they had all been taken, and then gone out to get things he knew Ruby would like. After several large bottles of Coca Cola, two bags of shopping and one brand new set of bedding had found their way through his front door, Bucky set to work making his apartment more accommodating for her. His collection of movies had been growing steadily over the course of the months he had spent with Ruby, and they were now neatly lined where they could be seen. In little ways, she had made herself known in the apartment despite only spending one night there. Everything, from the movies stacked on his shelf to the music on his iPod, to the aftershave in the bathroom – ‘I like you better with this one’ had been the reasoning behind that – had a touch of her.

But now she didn’t have to have just the memory of that one night. She could now go and choose as she pleased. Bucky had always hated that they had to spend their time at Wilson’s house and even the new bed that she had gotten for the two of them still never made him feel comfortable with doing anything other than kissing her while in it. It was too weird for him, to have _those_ type of thoughts while knowing that Wilson and he shared a mattress. 

“Why don’t you want to?” His voice was quiet, with his hands holding him up on the back of the couch. He couldn’t understand why she kept refusing to stay over. He would have thought that she wanted this – that she wanted somewhere to stay that Wilson didn’t taint. 

“I don’t understand, Ruby. We can be alone at my place without any hint of _him_ around. Don’t you want that? I’m asking for just one night. Just _one._ ” 

“You want to play with fire. I’m not ready to get burnt.” 

He bit his tongue. Maybe he was playing with fire, but did he really care about that? He knew the answer to his own question before he had even thought about it. 

“We’ve been playing with fire since the beginning. This isn’t any different.”

“We’re going to get caught, Bucky. You know how close we came to it last week.” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The window slid open almost too easily, allowing him to climb right through the space. There was no sound as his feet hit the carpeted floor, much like there was no sound as he slid the window closed again. The bedroom door was already shut, which left him retrieving his phone from his pocket, typing a quick message. 

**_Bedroom._**

It wasn’t long after he hit ‘send’ that there were footsteps coming up the stairs, followed by the door opening and shutting swiftly while Bucky slid his phone back into his pocket with a smirk. The wide eyes and hurried tone that then met him were not what he had been expecting. 

“What are you doing here? Sam’s downstairs!” Ruby’s tone had a nervous edge to it, but Bucky still made his way over to her, stopping inches away. 

“I had to see you.” 

“We talked about this,” her voice hadn’t lost its edge as he stepped closer, but her eyes had glanced down quickly and then back up to meet his, blue boring into blue. “You said you wouldn’t come over when Sam was here.” 

“I couldn’t stand thinking about him having his hands on you,” Bucky told her, reaching out his own to touch her sides, guiding her closer to him even though her expression seemed to disagree. 

“I just wanted one more kiss.”

“One more kiss is not one more kiss with you, Bucky.” 

“Come on.” 

The smirk played on his lips until he kissed her, reaching for her hands instead of holding her sides. Ruby was right, one more kiss with Bucky wasn’t just _one_ more kiss. It wasn’t much after him initiating it that he had her backed against the wall, holding both of her hands above her head with his body almost touching hers. He broke their kiss to start trailing them down her neck, not hard enough to leave a mark, but enough to draw a whimper from her. 

“Bucky…” 

“What?”

“Downstairs…” 

Smirking against her skin, Bucky loosened his hold on her hands but still held them where they were. He pulled back just enough to look at her, trying to clear his expression of the amusement that wanted to take over.

“Babe, he doesn’t know I’m here. He didn’t hear me come in. Hell, the only way he would know is if I went downstairs and clipped him across the back of his head. We’re _fine._ Now, can I kiss you again?” 

He didn’t wait for an answer before his lips met hers again, biting down gently on her bottom lip. Another whimper came from her and Bucky’s hands tightened on hers again - flesh more than metal – and he moved to press himself against her, making a quiet noise between their kisses as he did. They had been testing boundaries for a while now, what they could and couldn’t do around kissing, and how far they were going to go. Hands snaking under shirts to allow exploring fingers to roam was as far as they had gotten. 

The world had been forgotten since Bucky had hitched one of her legs up around his hip, allowing her free hand to grip his hair, while her other hand was still in his hold. That changed when the footsteps started coming up the stairs, and the voice accompanying them grew louder. Bucky broke apart from Ruby and released his hold on her, giving her enough time to push herself off of the wall. As she turned to look for him, he had gone, leaving the bedroom window open in his wake. No sooner had she turned away and tried desperately to fix her hair and even her breathing that the door was banging open, revealing a scowling Sam looking at her. 

“Can’t you fucking hear? Whatever you’re cooking, you’re burning.” 

“Can’t you turn the stove off?”

She thought for a moment that the slight breathlessness of her words were sure to give her away, but Sam merely looked past her and to the open window.

“What the fuck are you doing up here? Letting all the heat out of the goddamn house?”

“I needed some –”

“You need to get down the stairs and back to dinner,” Sam said, walking past her to slam the window back down with enough force to make her move to the doorway and hurry down the stairs. Ruby touched her swollen lips as she shut the kitchen door behind her, imagining Bucky’s still there. She allowed herself the small moment before she heard Sam coming down the stairs after her and jumped to the stove, trying to stir the contents that had stuck itself to the pan. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“He’s not even here. They’re in Italy, remember? All of them. We’re not gonna get interrupted by Steve, or Natalia, or _him._ ” 

Moving from leaning against the couch, Bucky took the few steps between them to stand in front of her, bringing both hands up to cup her face. She was chewing on her bottom lip while he kissed her forehead softly, sighing against her. 

“Just one night. I swear, we’ll come right back here first thing tomorrow.” Lowering his voice, he raised his chin just enough so that she could tuck her head underneath it. “I want to spend one night with you where it’s just you and me. No cameras, no COMMs, nobody else. Just you and me, spending one night together. I think we deserve to have one, after so long.” 

So long. Six months. They had been together like this for six months. In fact, thinking about it, it was closer to seven than it was six. 

“You promise nothing will happen?” 

“I promise nothing’s gonna happen, doll. We’re gonna go to my place, I’m gonna make you dinner, then we’re gonna watch one of those musicals that you love so much – Singin’ In The Rain, I got that for you – and then we’re going to go to bed. Alright? That’s it. Nothing bad’s gonna happen.” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ruby learned within the first two hours of being in Bucky’s apartment that he was an awful cook. So awful, that she had gone into the kitchen herself and told him to stop cooking unless he wanted her to leave, and to pick a takeout to order from. 

“I’m trying to remember how to cook,” Bucky explained as he joined her on the couch, holding a stack of menus in his hand. “I used to be able to. I had to learn, because if Steve was sick then he couldn’t do it. Phil’s been trying to show me and I thought I was picking it up, but –”

Ruby pressed a finger to his lips, making him fall silent. She shook her head softly, smiling at him. She stroked a lock of his hair back before she moved her hand away, taking the menus from him. 

“That’s why you’ve got me. I can cook.” 

“I don’t love you just because you cook, you know.” He repeated her action to him, pushing a lock of her blonde hair behind her ear. “There’s more than one reason as to why I love you. That you can cook is just an added bonus to you, doll.” 

A deep blush started to cover her cheeks, making her clear her throat while she looked through the stack of menus that had accompanied him from the kitchen that now had a burning smell coming from it. She leafed through all of them before looking at him in disbelief, earning a grin in return.

“What?”

“This is what you used to do for food before I started making it for you? Bucky, half this stuff is disgusting.”

“You’re not fussy when you haven’t eaten properly in decades. I never got fed when I was with HYDRA. The first time I ate proper food again was when I accepted the tray that they gave me at SHIELD.” He shrugged at her, watching the frown grow deep on her face.

“They didn’t feed you?” Ruby asked, keeping a normal tone with him. He rarely spoke about his time with HYDRA or as the Winter Soldier to her, but she never asked him to. Moments like this, when he would tell her something from that time in his life, were all of his own doing. She didn’t push and he gave her explanations anyway. 

“Didn’t have to. They just stuck my arm with enough to last me the mission and then threw me back in Cryo. When I first got out of SHIELD, this place was covered in Post-Its so I wouldn’t forget to do stuff. Things that normal people wouldn’t forget, like showering and eating. Remembering to wash the dishes or I’d have none to use. They wanted someone to stay here with me, but I wouldn’t let them. That’s when Coulson started coming over.”

“You said you accepted the tray…” Ruby paused, looking down at the menus and away from his eyes. “How long was it before you accepted it?”

“Couple of days. I thought they were gonna poison me at first, but then I just felt like I didn’t deserve it. They were being too _nice_ to me. I didn’t understand. I still don’t. If I’d have brought me in, I wouldn’t have been like that.” 

He stopped naturally, tilting his head to look at the side of her face. For a moment, he didn’t understand why she had turned away from him, until he realised. He was talking about his own death. He would have been more than willing to end his own life in those first few weeks if someone had passed him a gun. The memories were unbearable at times, and that meant that he had restraints on for as long as they could keep him there. For those first few weeks, he didn’t want to be alive. He begged Natalia to end the pain more than once, but she had turned the other way with every request, telling him that the pain would be over soon. A cold shiver ran down his spine, imagining Ruby in the place of Natalia, and him begging her to end his life. To aim and pull the trigger. Then he would be alright. The ghosts wouldn’t haunt him. The pain would stop. 

“Everyone deserves a second chance,” her voice was quiet, fiddling with the menus. “You more than most.” 

“I’m glad they gave me one,” Bucky murmured to her, shifting closer to wrap his metal arm around her shoulders, letting her lean on him. “I would have never met you otherwise.”

“Even if you hadn’t met me, you would still be alive.” 

“No.” Bucky shook his head, meeting her curious eyes. “I’d be awake, not alive. I only started living again after I met you. Every day before that was a routine that I was trained to follow. With you, I see why it’s okay to break rules again. I see why I don’t need to keep to a routine. I understand better with you, Ruby. I sleep better. I _am_ better when I’m with you. I would have been awake if I hadn’t met you, but I’d still be a dead man walking.” 

Ruby turned completely on the couch, putting the menus on the coffee table so she could cup his face. She stroked along the hard line of his jaw, traced her index finger over his lips, and finally, kissed his forehead, making him close his eyes for the brief moment that she did. 

“I’ve never been this happy before, and that’s because of you. Before you, I thought I was stuck. I was in SHIELD’s system with nowhere else to go. They staged my death and closed me off from the rest of the world. All I had was my piano and my kitchen. That’s it. I couldn’t be happy, because I didn’t know how to be. I wore my mask and perfected it, up until I met you. You saw _me_ through my charade. You’ve taught me how to be me again, and you’ve done it all by loving me.” 

“It’s always going to be you,” Bucky whispered to her, feeling her settle herself on his lap. His hands moved to her waist, holding her still on him. “I’m always going love you, Ruby. It doesn’t matter what happens. I’ve been _in_ love with you since you kissed me back. I loved you before that, though. Long before. The first time I didn’t knock on the door, and I came in, you were playing your piano. One that Fred Astaire sang and I _knew_ that song, and I was gonna come in and tell you, but then I heard you singing. I just stood there and listened. That’s when I knew I loved you.” 

“You sure know how to take a girl’s breath away, don’t you?” Ruby’s blush was furious by now, with her hands still on either side of his face. Every word he was saying, she couldn’t believe. She knew that he loved her, but everything he had just told her was something that she would have never expected. She had only allowed him to hear her sing after he caught her off-guard and she jumped when he had spoken to her, but it wasn’t Fred Astaire that he had been singing then. 

“I try my best, Ruby.” 

“Kiss me?” 

He didn’t need to be asked twice. Leaning in slowly, he caught her in a gentle, barely there kiss, keeping his hands gentle on her sides. Ruby’s hands slipped down from his face to his shoulders, moving closer against him. Bucky waited until she had parted her lips of her own accord and then he deepened their kiss, winding his arms around her tighter. His hands travelled from her waist and down, earning a sound muffled by his kiss from her as he squeezed. Ruby’s hands slid down and across the material of his shirt, letting her fingers graze along the hard lines of his body. He leaned back to allow her the room to explore, now slipping his right hand under her shirt, snaking his hand up her back. She shivered under his touch, with her fingers fumbling to tug the hem of his own shirt up. 

Their kiss heated up until Bucky was tugging at her shirt, finally freeing her from the material. Once she was out of it, he lowered his lips to her collarbone, leaving a hot trail of kisses there. Glancing up as if for permission, Bucky started to kiss down her chest, making her lean back to accommodate him. His metal arm was firmly around her, so no matter how far she leaned, she wouldn’t fall. Her hands had left his shirt up but not quite off, and as he worked his way back up to her neck with his kisses, her hands found his shirt again and tugged. Bucky made sure she was balanced before he pulled his shirt off, tossing it over the back of the couch. With her hands roaming wherever they could reach, Bucky moved his metal one from its position and upward, stopping at the only offending material on the top half of her body.

“Can I do this?” 

But Ruby had stopped moving for a moment, before her hands resumed their exploring, though shakier than before. Bucky pulled back, catching her eyes. The expression on her face wasn’t exactly the one that he wanted to see. She was hiding it well, but he could see underneath that. The glint of nerves in her eyes was all he needed before he was putting the pieces together. 

“Baby, how long has it been since you’ve…?” 

The words wouldn’t leave his mouth, but they didn’t have to. Her bottom lip, so swollen from his kisses, now had her teeth sinking into it, letting her hands simply rest against him rather than trace along his torso. She looked to be thinking, and Bucky didn’t disturb her. His metal hand lowered itself to the middle of her back, leaving the other to slip down to her thigh, resting there.

“Eleven months, two weeks and four days.” 

He held her gaze for a long moment, trying to work out just how Wilson had ever left it so long – _no._ He wasn’t going to do that. This was about the two of them. They had waited to do this, and now without prying eyes, they could. Bucky could truly show her how much he loved her. He wanted to worship her in the way that she should have been worshipped all along. He lowered his mouth to her collarbone again, kissing softly and slowly, hearing her breath hitch in her throat. 

“Far too long for a pretty thing like you who needs regular attention.” 

A low whine sounded from her as his teeth grazed her pulse point, making him jerk his hips up involuntarily. He could tell Ruby was still nervous, but even so, she responded with a slight roll of her own hips, making him groan against her neck. That was enough. Bucky’s hands moved to hitch themselves under her thighs, lifting her easily. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck, pressing herself to him as much as possible. Bucky carried her toward the bedroom, his lips never leaving her skin once. 

The bed was soft as her back met it, allowing her to sink into it. Bucky followed shortly after she had shifted herself toward the headboard, with his hands roaming over her as much as he possibly could. He explored her skin in ways that he never had, allowing his fingertips to stop for moments and then start back up, until his metal hand found its way around her back again, stopping at the material. 

“Can I – ” 

“ _Yes,_ ” Ruby breathed, digging her nails into his flesh shoulder. He wasted no time at all after that in taking the offending item off of her, tossing it to the floor. Her legs had wrapped around his hips, allowing him to settle comfortably. It was only when his other hand went down to the waistband of her bottoms that her breath hitched in the same nervous way that it had done before they reached the bedroom, pulling him to a stop. 

“Hey, look at me.” Bucky moved his hand, lifting himself up so that he was looking down at her, with his hair hanging loose around his face. “We don’t have to, babe. We can stop.”

“I want to,” Ruby assured him, having her hands still on his shoulders. “I just… What if I’m not good at it anymore?” 

“Then we’ll go slow,” he nodded at her, but he could still see the nerves. “We don’t have to go that far tonight. There’s other stuff I can do, babe, other stuff that –”

“Will you shut up and kiss me?” Her voice interrupted him, and as if to accompany that, she moved her hips impatiently, rocking them against his. Her eyes widened slightly as she did so, getting a slow roll of his hips in return. He leaned down, bare torso pressed against her own and caught her in a searing kiss.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

True to his word, Bucky had gone slowly and gently with her. He hadn’t uttered another word after her telling him to shut up, until he had been repeating her name as a breathless plea on his lips and murmuring that he loved her and how much he loved her. Currently, the pair of them were lay in bed, with Bucky’s metal arm thrown up over his pillow with Ruby curled into his chest.

“Are you okay?” 

“How many times do I have to tell you?” Ruby murmured, having drawn the sheets up to her shoulders. “I’m _fine_ , Bucky. More than fine. I’m perfect.”

“And it doesn’t hurt?” 

“No. Though, the hickey did.” She didn’t have to gesture as to where the hickey was, because both of them knew more than well enough where he had placed it. Chuckling, Bucky threaded his flesh fingers through her matted blonde locks.

“Couldn’t help myself.”

“I think it’s just because we skipped dinner and came straight to bed.”

“We did, didn’t we?” Bucky made to sit up, now aware of just how hungry he actually was. He moved away from her, slipping to the end of the bed, until her foot tapped his back. He turned to look at her over his metal shoulder, frowning. 

“What?”

“You have a tattoo?” 

He had forgotten about that. Ruby shifted to the end of the bed, kneeling behind him with the blanket locked between them. Light fingertips traced the black lines of the tattoo between his shoulderblades, making him roll them and bow his head at her touch. 

“It’s the SSR badge,” he explained quietly, shutting his eyes to focus on her touch. “The Commandos were part of it. I used to have one wing on my uniform coat on the same side that the star is now.”

“How come you got this one?”

“I wanted to, and I could, so I did.” His eyes opened again, feeling her fingers move away from the tattoo and trace over his back. “I felt like I owed them something, you know?” 

Ruby was silent as her fingertips roamed his skin, tracing over old scars on some stretches of his back. Then he heard a quiet giggle as her hands drew toward his left shoulder, and for a small moment, he wondered if she was laughing at the scars from where the metal met flesh. As if she could read him, Ruby took on a soft tone. 

“It’s not that. You just… You have freckles on your back. You have a cluster of them right here.” 

She drew a circle just below the metal of his left shoulder, making him shiver as her nail grazed his skin. Ruby’s hands continued to learn him, until she was settled comfortably against his back, wrapping her arms around his middle. 

“Your tattoo is pretty hot, babe.” 

“You like it?”

“I love it.” Ruby kissed the side of his neck sweetly, making him smile. He was going to lean back and kiss her again until she pushed him forward, shaking her head with a chuckle. 

“Go and order some food. You can kiss me when you come back.”

“Yes ma’am,” Bucky gave her a mock salute before retrieving his boxers from the floor, leaving them as low on his hips as he possibly could. Ruby shuffled back in the bed, stretching out happily, propping herself up on one elbow to watch him as he walked away. 

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?” He stopped at the door, using his metal hand to hold the doorframe. Ruby gave him a sweet smile, making him smile before she had even spoken. 

“I love you.” 

Bucky made his way back over to the bed and Ruby turned to meet him, smiling into their kiss that he gave her. It was gentle, just like he had been before. 

“I love you too.” 

Ruby’s leg slipped out of bed so she could kick the back of his leg softly, giggling as he made a face, backing away from her. 

“Now go and order some food so you can come back to bed.” 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time the morning came, she didn’t want to go back home. Bucky had made her breakfast just like he had done the previous time she had stayed, and brought it to her in bed. From there, the two had kissed which had led to more, and was now the reason that Ruby was her underwear and one of his shirts. Not that Bucky minded – he himself was walking around in a pair of boxers and a loose shirt, kissing her whenever he got the chance to. Ruby was currently inspecting the bookshelf, giggling as she went through his iPod.

“We have to get you some better music, Bucky.” 

“Those aren’t good?” He asked, bringing two glasses in from the kitchen. “What should I get?”

“Leave it with me. I’ll pick you some decent music.” 

“Whatever you say,” Bucky shrugged, placing the glasses on the coffee table, “just don’t delete Bon Jovi off there. I like them.” 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was ridiculous. Where the fuck was she? It was one thing to go out for the night, but it was another thing to not even turn up the following morning. Not that he had cared while he slept, anyway. He couldn’t have given less of a damn the previous night, but now it was morning, and she still wasn’t home. 

He suspected it was just a momentary lapse for her. She wouldn’t be too far away, because she knew she couldn’t be. Apart from SHIELD, nobody knew she existed. Her family thought her dead, so did her friends. Nobody knew who she was. Hell, even half of SHIELD only knew her by her codename. But that wasn’t his concern right now. His concern was where the hell she was. How dare she not even come home the following morning after what he assumed was a night of drinking her ‘sorrows’ away. Honestly, he didn’t know what her whining was for. She got the stuff she wanted, didn’t she? She had that stupid piano downstairs, she had the latest console for playing her video games, and she had solitude. There was nothing for her to complain about in her life. Yeah, she couldn’t see her family on the holidays. So what? Not a lot of people who were involved with SHIELD did, unless their families were also involved. He barely saw his mother, so why should she get the privilege of seeing her family? 

It was only out of anger that he opened the laptop, logging onto programmes that she didn’t have a clue how to use. A few clicks and several passwords later, he had set off the tracker in her phone so that he could pick her up from whatever sorry dump she had managed to get herself into. He jotted down the address quickly and left, not even bothering to grab a jacket on his way out. 

It didn’t take him long to arrive at the building the address had on it. This couldn’t be right, could it? She couldn’t be _there_. Why would she be there? But as he thought about it, as he thought about Christmas, he was beginning to notice things. The way she had rushed back to the main room to sit beside him in a trip that took far longer than necessary. Her swollen lips, cleverly disguised by her lipstick. The way Barnes had sauntered in after a short while, looking completely different than he had done all day. That silver necklace with the Ruby on the heart that he knew he didn’t get. The stupid Russian sheet music that he had found that morning. The more he added together, the angrier he grew. Who the fuck did Barnes think he was? Who the fuck did _she_ think she was? 

The elevator ride up to the floor that he lived on – no, that SHIELD had cleared to put him on – only frustrated him more. What he wouldn’t give for Steve’s strength right now. Barnes couldn’t just charm his way into his wife’s life and seat himself comfortably there. He couldn’t steal Ruby away from him. Not now, not ever. 

By the time the elevator doors opened, Sam couldn’t see anything but red. Barnes needed teaching a lesson. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Ruby went back into the bedroom to grab her phone, she saw a light blue arm poking out from under the bed. Bending down, she retrieved the item, turning it over in her hands with a smile. Her phone lay forgotten on the bedside table as she walked back into the living room, stopping where he could see her. The embarrassment was clear on his face as he took in the Bear, holding up both his hands. 

“What is it?”

“It’s a Bucky Bear. They started making them when the Commandos started up.”

“They made bears of you?”

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded, getting up from the couch to make his way over to her. “Apparently I was the cuddliest of the lot of us. Loads of kids got them. That one’s been remade. Phil had it done for me in hopes that I’d be able to remember. So far, all I remember is that I didn’t like it then and I still don’t like it now.”

“I like it. He’s cute.”

“Then you – ”

The hairs on his neck stood up just before the harsh knocks hit the front door from the other side. Instinctively, Bucky moved in front of Ruby, feeling her bury her face in between his shoulders, hearing her breathing becoming shallow and rapid as the hammering continued, making her squeeze the Bucky Bear too tightly while the real thing took another step to the door, with his blood almost boiling as he recognised the voice. 

“Open the fucking door, Barnes! I know that slut is in there!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains hints of a twitlonger by @MissRubyRed_. http://www.twitlonger.com/show/n_1s1qd85


	12. Confrontations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am well aware that Wilson is OOC .This does not reflect how I feel about the character, it is simply for this fic.

The hammering on the door didn’t quaver. Bucky could feel Ruby trembling against him, hiding against his back. He wanted to curl his fists, but he wouldn’t. Not while she was standing right behind him. Instead, he turned his head as if to look back to her, but his gaze never left the door. 

“Go to the bedroom, Ruby. Go to the bedroom and lock the door. Don’t come out until I’ve said it’s okay to, alright?” 

But she still trembled. Carefully, Bucky moved himself from her, knowing that the door would hold under Wilson’s hits to it. He had tested it out himself, and if it hadn’t broken when he had hit it with his flesh hand, then there was no way that it would break under Wilson’s. Her hands had tightened on the Bucky Bear, and he moved into her line of sight to try and give her a reassuring smile. 

“It’s going to be okay, babe. Remember what I said yesterday? Nothing bad’s gonna happen. Now I need you to go into the bedroom and wait there, okay? I don’t want him shouting at you, that’s all. Just go in there and wait for me to tell you that it’s okay.” 

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, Bucky rubbed her shoulders. She didn’t need Wilson talking to her like Bucky knew he wanted to. She didn’t need Wilson accusing her of anything. If he wasn’t going to be there then he didn’t get to be the one to point the finger of blame. There was nothing, no force strong enough, to make him even consider letting Ruby still be in the room when he let Wilson in. If there was anyone he was going to deal with, it was Bucky himself. Wilson wouldn’t be getting close enough to Ruby, and he never would be again. Bucky was going to make sure of that.

“You’ll be okay?” Ruby murmured to him, holding the Bear tightly to her. Nodding, he flashed her a small smile. His hands had stilled on her, and were slowly letting her go. 

“Don’t worry about me. He can’t hurt me. I’ll be fine, doll. I promise you.” 

Ruby seemed to be contemplating the honesty of his statement as another hit came crashing down on the door. Bucky had never been more thankful that Wilson had no idea of the passcode to get into the apartment. Ruby flinched at the hit, even though she was putting on a brave face. Bucky wanted nothing more than to kiss her right then and there for the expression that she was wearing. Her husband was on the other side of the door, waiting for the moment that Bucky opened the door so Wilson could hit him, and Ruby was putting on a brave face for _him_. But he wouldn’t kiss her – not now. Instead he watched her turn and go to the bedroom, watching her shut it, before he even turned around to face the apartment door, breathing in deeply.

This was it. 

He instinctively avoided the hit as soon as he opened the door. Wilson’s fist fell through air, and his second came up straight after. Bucky avoided that punch too, making no attempt to hit back. 

“She’s my fucking wife!” 

Bucky didn’t speak. He just kept avoiding Sam’s punches, but making sure he stayed in front of him, and kept him in the living room. The door to the apartment was wide open, and Bucky had to ignore the thoughts of what his neighbours would think if anyone else lived on the same floor. He didn’t give any reaction to what Wilson was doing, barely taking in any of his words. He knew Ruby would be though. She would be able to hear everything that was being said, and hear that Bucky was making no attempt to retaliate or defend the two of them. A few hits landed – mostly because Bucky let them – and soon there was blood dripping down his chin. It was only when Wilson accused Ruby of doing something that Bucky’s eyes hardened and his stature became straighter, hands curling into fists. 

“How long have you been screwing her, huh? Every fucking day since that first dinner? Little slut!”

“Watch your fucking mouth!” 

“She has, hasn’t she? She’s been fucking you every chance she got!” 

“Don’t talk about her like that!” Bucky’s flesh fist had swung at Wilson before he even had a chance to think about what he was doing. He missed, but only because Wilson jumped out of the way and hit the wall instead. Still, it didn’t make Wilson back down. 

“She’s a bitch! Can’t wait two fucking weeks for her husband to come home, so she goes to whatever crawls through the door first?”

“ _I_ went to her.” 

“Did she think she could get away with it? Being with you and then what, being with me a couple of hours after that?”

“You haven’t touched her in _months._ ” Bucky’s voice had turned venomous. Who the hell did Wilson think he was, talking about Ruby like that? _He_ had initiated it. _He_ kissed her first. _He_ had ridded her of her clothes the previous night. _He_ had given himself to her, but _he_ had asked. Bucky hadn’t expected anything from her. If she had asked him to wait, then he would wait as long as she told him to. 

“So what, you thought you’d step in and man up like it was your duty to?”

“I asked her for permission,” Bucky’s teeth were grinding together as he spoke. “Last night. That was it. That’s the only time we’ve ever been like that.” 

“Yeah right,” Wilson sneered at him. “We both know you’re not like that. You can’t keep it in your fucking pants.” 

The sneer was enough. Bucky’s flesh hand curled back into a fist, glaring down at Wilson. 

“I can’t. That’s why it was _my_ name she was shouting last night. That’s why it was _me_ who was giving her what she needed. That’s why _I_ got to wake up with her this morning, and why I’ll get to wake up with her from now on. You’re not getting near her again.” 

“You think she loves you or something?” Wilson was almost laughing in disbelief.

“She does love me. She told me.”

“What do you think she told me once over? She’ll get bored of you and her sorry ass will come crawling straight back to me. Nobody’s gonna put up with you for that fucking long.” 

“What?” The change in course of conversation threw him. His mind was desperately trying to catch up with what Wilson was saying, and understanding it so that Bucky could answer properly. 

“You. You’re a fucking mess. Unstable. You’ll kill her as soon as you’ll fuck her and you won’t even realise until you’ve got her blood on your hands.” 

“You’re wrong.” His tone had dipped only slightly, but for Wilson, that was all that he needed. He had found a weak spot. He had found a way to turn Bucky’s argument on the Soldier. 

“It’s only a matter of time. When was your last relapse, November? You’ll be due another one soon, won’t you? Do you even know how many Agents you hurt when we brought you in? _Seventeen_. You even put one of them in a coma. We weren’t supposed to tell you so you didn’t ‘close yourself off’ or whatever, but you should know, don’t you think? You should know how many people you hurt. Then you’ll know that you’re going to end up killing her.”

“I wouldn’t – I won’t –”

“That woman you put in a coma? She has kids. Two of them. Little girl and a tot. She came round a couple of months after you started to. She can’t remember a damn fucking thing about what happened to her. SHIELD covered it up. Made up a story for her ‘accident’. She was supposedly on her phone when her car skidded on some ice and crashed.” 

He could feel the burst of pain erupting from his temples. Had he really done that? Had he put someone into a coma when they brought him to SHIELD? He couldn’t even remember that. How many other people had come out of putting him in his restraints and cell looking like they had been in a war? How many bones had a broken or fractured? How many people had he terrified until they finally sedated him? The metal of his arm started to lock, while his hand curled into a fist. Wilson was back in his personal space, staring at him with hardened eyes. 

“You can’t control yourself. You’ll black out and wake up with her blood all over you and the only thing you’ll have is the satisfaction that the Winter Soldier got from shutting her up. It won’t take you long before you do it either. She’s always fucking running that stupid mouth of hers. Feeling sorry for herself because I’m not there. Playing that stupid music on that damn piano.”

“That’s why you’re not right for her,” Bucky’s voice had quietened a considerable amount, but he still tried to maintain the force behind it. “I love her music. I love everything she does. I love _her_.” 

“Sorry to break it to you, but she ain’t capable of love. She’s proved that. Moving on from me to _you_? She just wants someone to keep the bed warm. Nobody’s ever gonna love a monster like you. That’s all you’re good at being. A monster. You’re not capable of anything more than getting a job done.” 

“Stop.” 

“Is your head hurting? I told you that you were due a relapse. Killing that slut might come sooner to you than you expected.” 

The back of Wilson’s head had hit against the wall before he even registered that Bucky had moved. His metal hand was gripping Wilson’s throat, with the other raised to punch. His eyes had gone cold, and were meeting Wilson’s to intimidate the shorter man. However, that was exactly what Wilson wanted. He wanted Ruby to _hear_ how violent Bucky could be. 

“Come on, Barnes. _Hit me_. That’s what you’re good at.” 

“I’m not going to hit you,” Bucky’s voice was void of any emotion. “You’re going to leave this apartment, and you’re never gonna see Ruby again. Do you understand?”

“She’s my fucking wife,” Wilson sneered. “She might be your toy now, but that’s my last name she’s got. She’s gonna come back to me when she sees who you really are. You’re nothing but a weapon.” 

And then Bucky did hit him. His fist collided with Wilson’s jaw, snapping his head to the side. The groan of pain passed from Wilson, but Bucky didn’t stop. His knee came up, and his metal hand tightened around Wilson’s throat, making him cough. 

“See? You got a one track mind. You’re always going to be somebody’s puppet.” 

Somebody’s puppet. 

Wilson’s words struck him, keeping him in place. His fingers were pressing down against his throat, making his breath come out haggard. He never moved against Bucky’s hold, but Bucky didn’t move either. He was too busy replaying the words. That was all he was. A toy. A puppet. He could be controlled so easily with the right words. They could bind him to someone’s will. 

_**Then cut the strings.**_

Ruby’s voice came as that much of a surprise that it made Bucky release Wilson. The man started to cough, moving as much away from Bucky as he could from his position against the wall. Bucky was uncurling his flesh hand, looking at it. Cut the strings. He could cut the strings. He didn’t have to be this way. There were other ways to go about this. 

“She’s gonna come back to me. I know she is.” 

“Get out.” 

That wasn’t his tone. That was the Soldier’s voice addressing Wilson, and it wasn’t a request. It was a demand. Wilson glared at him, and Bucky could see the swelling starting to form on the man’s jaw. He hadn’t broken it, but he had done sufficient enough damage to him to earn himself a disciplinary from SHIELD. He just hoped they didn’t put him back on surveillance. Two days in and this is what he did as soon as they stopped watching him? 

“She can never love you.” 

Wilson’s parting words hung in the air as the door slammed shut. Bucky’s metal hand, still curled into a fist, collided with the wall where Wilson’s head had been only moments before. The wall cracked beneath the force, and Bucky was left with his fist in the wall and the small burst of dust settling around him. His jaw had locked, and his eyes were still fighting to come back to himself instead of holding the Soldier in them. 

His mind was working faster than his arm was locking itself. The metal clicked into place as Bucky’s thoughts resurfaced, spilling reasons for why he would never harm Ruby in every direction, trying to force him to listen, but Wilson’s words had some truth to them. He had harmed the man that he had sworn to himself not to touch when he came in the door. It wasn’t even self-defence. Wilson hadn’t touched him by the time Bucky had hit him. He had only been spewing poisonous words at the man, but they had been enough. Words cut deeper than actions did. Wilson could try to break Bucky with physical force all he wanted. He could break his bones. He could dig blades into his skin. He could put bullets into him, and it wouldn’t bother him. Words were different. Orders, choices, decisions. Telling him who he was. Telling him what he was capable of. That woman he had harmed… He didn’t even remember her face. 

“Bucky?” 

Ruby.

Her voice was quiet; muffled by the door. She had heard everything that had happened between them, and she was still waiting for Bucky’s signal that it was okay to come out. Right then, though? It wasn’t. He was scared. Fear was almost consuming him, pulling him back into his own darkness even after her words had pulled him through it. 

“Can I come out?” 

“No.” Bucky was quick to answer her. “I just – I need you to stay there.” 

“You’re not okay.” 

No, he wasn’t. He wasn’t okay in the slightest. He didn’t know how far away he had gotten from the Soldier, but judging by the locked arm with its fist still embedded in the wall, it wasn’t far enough for Ruby to be safe if she came out. 

“Please, just… Just stay there.” 

He shut his eyes, hoping she would listen to him. That she would allow him to struggle through this on his own. As much as he hadn’t wanted her to see him when he had taken his arm off in his last relapse, he didn’t want her to see him in what could possibly be the beginning of another, where his temper was going to be unpredictable. 

But the bedroom door opened and footsteps started to come towards him, as quiet as they possibly could. Bucky started to panic. He couldn’t move his arm. He couldn’t pull his fist from the wall. She was going to see what he had done. She was going to see what he could do. 

“Bucky?”

“Don’t come closer.” 

“Like hell I’m not.” 

Soft hands were then tracing down his left arm, stroking the locked metal. Bucky kept his chin high, willing his arm not to come back to life. If he even so much as caused her the slightest bit of harm, he was taking it off and never putting it back on. He wouldn’t do that to her. 

“I’m not going to hurt you.” His voice became almost childlike. He needed to reassure her. He wouldn’t hurt her. He would never hurt her. 

“I know.” Ruby rested her head on his forearm, looking up at him. “I trust you, Bucky. Everything Sam said, he was wrong. Remember what I told you?” 

“Cut the strings,” Bucky murmured. Slowly, his hand started to uncurl until he could pull it from the wall, and the moment he did, Ruby’s hands came to hold it gently, wiping away the fragments and dust that were covering it. As soon as she had cleaned it, she brought his hand up to her lips and kissed the back of it. Bucky sighed heavily, letting his shoulders slump as he leaned forward. 

“You heard everything.”

“Yeah,” Ruby’s voice was soft, moving now to stand in front of him, wrapping her arms around his middle. Bucky’s arms came around her, and as she rested her head on his chest, his chin came to rest on top of it. 

“I’m never going to let him come near you again. He won’t get the chance to.” 

“All I have left of my life is in that house,” Ruby whispered. “Everything I have… It’s there. I don’t have anywhere to go.” 

“You don’t need to,” Bucky found himself saying. “You can stay here with me.” 

Ruby stiffened slightly in his arms, but didn’t pull away to look at him. 

“That’s a big step, Bucky.” 

“So? We practically lived together anyway. This just means that I get to wake up with you every day, whether I’m going to SHIELD or not.” 

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to. You don’t have to do anything for me. They’ll find me somewhere to live.” 

“I want you to live _here_. I want you to live with me, Ruby. If for nothing else, just so I know that you’re safe. That he won’t be coming to bother you. When it settles down, you can move out if you want. Heck, you can even move into one of the other apartments on this floor. Take your pick, they’re all empty.” 

Her hands were locked around him, and she had the side of her face leaning against his chest. For a long moment, they were quiet. All that Bucky could hear was their matched breathing, until Ruby’s voice broke the silence. 

“You really want me to move in?”

“I want you to do what makes you happy. Would that make you happy?”

Her answer made him pull back to gently cup her face, stroking his thumbs across her cheekbones before he kissed her softly, making her sigh against him and letting her arms go loose around him until she was playing with the ends of his hair. 

“Yes.”


	13. Home

Within the space of a few hours, the majority of things in both Bucky and Ruby’s life had been turned upside down. Not long after Sam had left, Bucky received a call from Maria Hill, telling him that he needed to be at SHIELD for eight o’clock the following morning, and that he was to bring Ruby with him. He hadn’t managed to finish his question of if everyone knew before Hill cut him off.

“Fury has known for months. He wasn’t going to deal with it unless it became a problem, which it now has. You’ll be coming to a disciplinary tomorrow with Fury himself.” 

“And Ruby?”

“Red will be coming with me for a briefing. She has a lot of new information to take in.” 

“I assume Wilson’s going to be there.”

“In your meeting? Yes. Captain Rogers will also be in attendance, and Agent Coulson.”

“Sounds like a great party,” Bucky rolled his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I hope there’s pie.” 

“You’ve caused a number of problems for yourself and for others with what you’ve done. You attacked another Agent.” 

“Does anyone care that he attacked me as well?”

“You’ll be discussing it in Fury’s meeting tomorrow. At least try to refrain yourself from causing more problems for yourself.” 

“Right. Yeah. We’ll be there tomorrow.” 

“Agent Barnes,” Hill caught him before he could end the call. “None of us are taking either side. We’re simply asking you both to come in so that Red can be briefed and you can work out a way that this won’t affect your work with the team or with SHIELD. That’s all. I’ll meet you both at the front desk.” 

“Got it.”

Bucky ended the call abruptly, feeling Ruby watching him from her seat on the couch. She was curled up on one end of it, with a blanket pooled at her feet and her clothes from the previous day on her. He turned to her as he pressed the call button, running one hand through his hair. 

“Who are you calling?”

“Natalia,” Bucky held the phone against his ear, walking from the coffee table to the window. “I’m gonna be under watch again if I go.” 

“Can I not go?” 

“No. I’m not giving him the chance to get near you.” 

“She won’t know where everything –”

“I need a favour.” Bucky’s tone changed as soon as the other end of the line was picked up. 

“What have you done?”

“Wilson knows. He’s just been here.” 

“Red?” The sharp tone in her voice made the corners of his mouth turn upward. She cared about Ruby, even if Ruby didn’t know it. She was important to him, which in turn made her important to Natalia. 

“She’s fine. Listen, I need you to go over to Wilson’s and get her stuff. She’s moving in with me.” 

“That’s a big step.” 

“I know.” 

“I’m taking her with me.”

“Ни в коем случае в аду.” Bucky snapped at her. “Он причинил ей боль.” 

“I wouldn’t let him touch her, James. You know that. It will be easier for her to get what she needs rather than tell me.” 

“I’m driving.” 

“No. I assume SHIELD is ready to put you back on their radar because of this. You need to stay where you are and calm down. I’ll take care of Red. You make room for her things.”

“It’ll be –”

“Easier if let me handle this. He wouldn’t treat me the way he would treat you. I’ll be there to pick her up soon.” 

Grunting in frustration, Bucky threw the phone on the armchair before collapsing on the couch next to Ruby. She nudged his leg with her foot, getting him to turn to her with a slight smile. 

“She’ll be here soon. She’s going to take you to get your things.” 

“She’s going to come in with me, right?”

The hint of fear in Ruby’s voice made him reach out for her hand, taking it gently with his left to entwine their fingers. He wouldn’t squeeze them, not with that hand, but she knew that the support was there. 

“She’s going to be right there. She won’t let him touch you, babe. I promise.” 

“I’ve caused so many problems,” Ruby’s voice was quiet, and her hand slipped out of his hold. She wrapped her arms around her knees instead, pulling them up to her chest. “I’ve ruined everything for you.”

“Don’t you dare say that,” Moving along the couch to her, Bucky slung his metal arm over the back of it so he could face her. “You’ve done nothing, Ruby.” 

“That’s a lie and you know it. If I wasn’t in your life then none of this would have happened. You wouldn’t be having to arrange your friends taking me there to pick up my things. You wouldn’t have had that argument with Steve. You wouldn’t be under threat of being monitored again. All of this, it’s because of me. Don’t tell me different, Bucky. I know that it is.” 

“Yeah.” Bucky nodded at her. For a moment, Ruby’s eyes grew wide and then she cast them down, taking interest in her knees. He made no attempt to stop her, but simply kept studying the side of her face to watch for the change in expression. 

“But you know what? I wouldn’t be like I am now without you. I wouldn’t be making enough progress to be taken off monitoring. I wouldn’t be asked to go on short missions. I wouldn’t be anything like the man I am now without you. You changed me, Ruby. You have no idea just how much and if all of the shit that we’re going through now means that I get to end up with you, then I’ll take it every damn time.” 

“I’ve made such a mess for you though…” Her voice became quiet, still looking at her knees. He had seen the change in her eyes – the look of adoration had crossed them, but they still held sadness. “What if they take you off missions? I know you hate the intel work they give you.” 

“So what? It means more time at home with you.” 

“And if they put monitoring back on?”

“Then we’re going to have to be careful about what we do until they get rid of it.” This time, his right hand reached out to take a hold of her knee, rocking her slightly. “Look. We’re gonna get through everything together. You and me. We’re doing this.” 

Nothing else was said. Bucky knew that she was still thinking she was the problem, but he wasn’t going to keep forcing her to listen to his disagreeing on the matter. If it wasn’t working now, then it wouldn’t work no matter how hard he pushed. He would take it back up later, when she was ready to listen to him. For now, he left his hand on her knee and looked away from her, the two of them sitting there studying the apartment wall across from them. 

The moment that Bucky heard the buttons for the lock code being pressed, he stood up and walked toward the door, while Ruby stood up herself, brushing off her pants and making sure her hair was completely tied back. The first thing the red-headed woman did when she came through the door was make her way toward Ruby, completely ignoring Bucky. 

“We’re only making one trip, so if you have anything bigger than the backseat of a car, you’ll have to organise a pick-up with SHIELD for it. I’d like to not be there any longer than I have to be and I’m sure you feel the same way, so we’re going to make it quick. I’m assuming you have a suitcase or at least something that we can put some of your belongings in. Wilson won’t be coming anywhere near you, so you can get your things in peace. Do you understand?”

Ruby nodded quickly at her, taking everything in as quickly as she had been told. Ruby made to come around the couch and take her jacket from the hanger, but Bucky was there and holding it out to her, with his eyes locked on Natasha’s. 

“There’s just the piano,” she said quietly, watching the two of them as she took her jacket. “I only want my piano. Can I have my piano here…?”

“You don’t need to ask. There’s a spare room, we could turn it into a music room for you.” Bucky turned to her after whatever silent conversation he was having with Natasha ended, nodding at her. “I like listening to you. I want you to have it here.” 

“Great,” Natasha interrupted before Ruby could give him a thank-you that he would deflect. “You can start clearing out the room and organising someone to pick it up. We need to be on our way, Red.” 

“ _Ruby_. Her name is Ruby.” 

Natasha shot him a look while Ruby moved around the back of him, but he caught her hand before she could exit the door. Moving toward her, Ruby suddenly grew uncomfortable with how close she was to Bucky, given both the situation they were currently in and the knowledge of what Bucky had been with Natasha once over. Bucky didn’t seem to care. He leaned to catch her in a kiss that she barely responded to due to the presence of the other woman, but he didn’t press for anything more than a chaste meeting of their lips. 

“You’ll be okay.” 

“I know,” Ruby whispered back to him. With one more kiss, he let her go, watching her leave the apartment. Natasha made to follow, but as Ruby waited on the other side of the door, she could hear their hushed voices. 

“Не относятся к ней, как это имя снова. Она человек. У нее есть настоящее имя.” Bucky’s tone wasn’t angry, but Ruby could sense the hints of annoyance that lay in the foreign words. 

“Я делаю тебе одолжение, Джеймс. Я не придется.”

“Вы можете, по крайней мере действовать, как вы, как она.”

“Если вы собираетесь продолжать принимать свой гнев на меня, то я собираюсь оставить ее здесь, и вы можете получить себе в более сложном положении со щитом. У меня нет, чтобы помочь вам в любом случае. Уилсон мой товарищ по команде так же хорошо, как и вы. Если речь идет о нем, то вы знаете, что я всегда примет вашу сторону, несмотря ни на что, но я не буду стоять здесь и слушать, как ты снайперские на меня. Вы знали, что это должно было случиться. Уилсон собирается выяснить. Не будь ребенком.”

Natasha’s tone had turned deadly. Ruby was thankful that she couldn’t see the expression that the woman was wearing, because her words alone were enough to make her quiver. There was a long pause between the two of them and she wondered if they had realised that she would be trying to think about what they were saying, but a quiet voice left Bucky. 

“I’m sorry.”

“We’ll be back soon.” 

Ruby managed to take a few steps away from the door before Natasha joined her in the hallway, walking silently to the elevator with her and listening to the apartment door shutting as the elevator doors closed. 

The two were shrouded in silence until Natasha spoke. Ruby hadn’t been expecting it that much that it made her head snap around to look at the woman, instead of watching them pass familiar places on the way to what yesterday would have been referred to as her home. 

“None of this is your fault, you know.” 

Was that what Bucky had been saying to her when they spoke in their other tongues? Natasha seemed to pick up on whatever frown had formed on her face. 

“James didn’t say. You’re not hiding it very well.” 

“If I hadn’t come into his life, everything wouldn’t be getting ruined for him.” Barely above a whisper, had Ruby spoken. “I know he never truly got along with Sam and Sam didn’t like him so much, but they would have at least had a working relationship rather than none at all.” 

“He was only cooperative with Sam because we are. James doesn’t trust easily. He’s never liked Wilson. He’s not the kind of man that James wants to be around anymore. He’s too loud, he’s too brash, and James has always had a thing for rescuing women in relationships that they shouldn’t be in.”

Rescuing women… But before Ruby could ask, Natasha started to talk again. 

“I was promised to another man when I met him. James was my trainer and for a long time, he was the closest thing to a friend that I had. James was always there for me, whether I wanted him to be or not. He’s always saved people that he knows need it, no matter what the cost is.” 

Ruby knew that this was a topic to be kept between the two of them, and the fact that the redhead was even telling her showed progress in the relationship the two of them had. Natasha trusted her with the new information. Natasha trusted her enough to tell her about her life. 

“I can’t tell you more than I already have about how much you have changed him. When you go to SHIELD tomorrow, you’ll see for yourself.” 

“What do you mean?”

No answer. The car had pulled to a stop. Ruby’s stomach dropped as she turned to see the sight that she knew was coming – her house, and half of her things already thrown out onto the lawn. 

Natasha was the first out of the car. Ruby followed closely, starting to pick up the scattered items that lay around. Clothes, books – whatever Sam could get it hands on, it seemed, were lying outside for all their neighbours to see. She hurried to put everything on the backseat of the car, no longer caring if the books were torn or the clothes were ruined. She just wanted to get out of there as fast as she could. Natasha stepped through the open door with Ruby following, and the noise of the cracking wood and grunts of a man made her eyes widen and begin to water. 

She didn’t even need to look into the room to know that the piano was being broken into pieces. Wood was scattered across the floor, the bench lying in a fractured mess near the window, and a few of the keys were lying around. Natasha didn’t give her time to mourn the loss of the only object that had saved her before Bucky had come into her life. She gestured for Ruby to go around her and upstairs while Sam was distracted, and Ruby didn’t think she had ever moved so fast. 

Everything was packed. Clothes, makeup, shoes, jewellery. Anything that was hers, she stuffed into the suitcase that she had tugged from the back of the closet. The perfume Bucky had gotten her for Christmas. The blanket she had managed to keep from her life before Sam and SHIELD. The box that she rarely opened because of the memories it brought her. It was only when she was locking the suitcase that she heard Sam’s voice shouting at Natasha. The woman never answered back, but Ruby could tell that she wasn’t moving. She was holding fast where she was, and Ruby couldn’t have been more thankful for that. She hurried down the stairs with the bulky suitcase, not even bothering to stop in the living room. She didn’t truly need anything from inside it. She could survive without her things from that room. It was only when faced with the hallway that Natasha was blocking a door in that her breath hitched in her throat. She had to do this. She had to pass him, and she had to get out of the house. He wasn’t going to harm her. Natasha wouldn’t let him. 

Shutting her eyes tightly, she sucked in a deep breath. She could do this. Once she was out of that door, she never had to come back. She never had to be in an empty house again. She never had to sneak around behind backs to be with the man that she truly loved. She never had to tiptoe around the man she lived with in fear an argument would start. Bucky was different. He would be there for her, and all she had to do was walk across the hallway. 

Bucky would be there.

She didn’t have to live this life anymore. 

Hitching the box higher under her arm and tightening her hand on the suitcase, Ruby started to walk. She bit her tongue as she passed Natasha quickly, trying to ignore all the slurs coming out of Sam’s mouth as she did. Focus. She was focusing on everything that she was going to get from leaving him. This was okay. Her life wouldn’t be lived in isolation anymore. She didn’t have to be shut off from a world that she had been held back from. Bucky took her out in public. Bucky wanted people to see her. Bucky wanted to show her off. She didn’t have to live behind a closed door for the rest of her life. It was going to be brighter, and she would be able to be in it instead of being a perfect mask to hide the sadness. 

The suitcase joined the rest of her things on the backseat. It was only a second of a thought that she realised everything she owned in the world didn’t even fill the back of a car. The box she kept close to her, placing it on her lap as she got in the passenger seat. She could hear Sam even through the glass as Natasha started to walk down the pathway from the house, and she shrank back in her chair when she saw him coming out after her. Natasha didn’t falter. She kept walking towards the car and got in, and Sam stopped at the gate, looking directly at Ruby. 

The last thing Ruby saw of Sam was him pointing a finger at her with venomous words spewing out of his mouth. 

She drowned it out. 

She had to. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky was waiting on the street when they got back to the block of apartments. The first thing he did was open the passenger door and ask her if she was okay, cupping her face with gentle hands, metal cooling one side of her face and flesh warming the other. Nodding against him, her hands tightened on the box on her lap. She just wanted to get out of the car. She wanted to forget. 

Natasha helped them bring her things inside, placing them on the couch. Both of them thanked and said goodbyes to her, and Bucky at least waited until the door was shut to gather Ruby in his arms, kissing the top of her head. He pulled her onto the armchair with him, letting her curl against him. His flesh fingers threaded through her hair, while his metal one was firmly around her. 

“You don’t need to have them pick up anything else,” Ruby whispered to him. “He broke the piano.” 

“We’ll get you a new one. That spare room is yours, doll. You can pick out whichever piano you want to. I want you to have one.” 

“Sam said that I had to be quiet. He didn’t like me playing.” 

“I want you to play, Ruby. It makes you happy. You don’t have to be quiet here anymore. If you want a piano, then you’re getting a piano. If you want a guitar, then you can have one of those too. If you want to redecorate the place, then do it. This is your place too.” 

He was murmuring into her ear, pressing kisses to her jaw after every couple of words. Her place now. Their place. They were living together. They were doing this. 

“Then I’m changing that bookshelf,” Ruby murmured back to him, turning to face him. “It’s not big enough to fit my books on too.” 

“Whatever you want, babe. This is your home now.” 

Home. 

The notion made her curl more into him and meet him in a soft kiss, running her fingers through his hair. She had a home, and she had it with Bucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ни в коем случае в аду. – Not a chance in Hell.
> 
> Он причинил ей боль. – He’ll hurt her.
> 
> Не относятся к ней, как это имя снова. Она человек. У нее есть настоящее имя. - Don't refer to her as that name again. She's a person. She has a real name.
> 
> Я делаю тебе одолжение, Джеймс. Я не придется. - I'm doing you a favour, James. I don't have to.
> 
> Вы можете, по крайней мере действовать, как вы, как она. – You could at least act like you like her. 
> 
> Если вы собираетесь продолжать принимать свой гнев на меня, то я собираюсь оставить ее здесь, и вы можете получить себе в более сложном положении со щитом. У меня нет, чтобы помочь вам в любом случае. Уилсон мой товарищ по команде так же хорошо, как и вы. Если речь идет о нем, то вы знаете, что я всегда примет вашу сторону, несмотря ни на что, но я не буду стоять здесь и слушать, как ты снайперские на меня. Вы знали, что это должно было случиться. Уилсон собирается выяснить. Не будь ребенком. - 
> 
> If you're going to continue taking your anger out on me then I'm going to leave her right here and you can get yourself into more trouble with SHIELD. I don't have to help you in any way. Wilson is my teammate just as well as you are. If it comes to it then you know that I will always take your side, no matter what, but I will not stand here and listen to you sniping at me. You knew this was going to happen. Wilson was going to find out. Do not be a child.


	14. SHIELD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long.

Bucky reached for Ruby’s hand with his right as they pulled into SHIELD’s garage, bringing it up to kiss her knuckles. She gave him a weak smile, which he returned. Some part of her wished that he would start the car again and drive them back to his – back to _their_ apartment – but Ruby knew that he couldn’t do that. They had to do this. They had to deal with SHIELD just this one time and then they would be free of them. 

“Hey,” Bucky’s voice was quiet as he unclipped his belt, still holding her hand. “Look at me, doll.” 

So she did. Slowly, but Ruby’s eyes did eventually meet Bucky’s. He entwined their fingers, tightening his hold just enough to make sure that she couldn’t pull away. 

“It’s gonna be alright. They can’t do anything to you. You’re gonna be fine. Hill’s gonna meet you on the other side of the doors and she’s gonna take care of you for the rest of the day, alright? I’ll meet you back here.”

“I’m not worried about me,” Ruby told him quietly. “I’m worried about you, Bucky.”

“Me? I’m gonna be fine. That’s why I got witnesses in the room when that dick’s in there with me.” He flashed her a small grin, then leaned over to catch her in a soft kiss. “It’s gonna be fine. I promise.” 

“Promise me that you won’t start anything with him? Don’t start a fight with him… He’s not worth it.” 

“I promise not to throw the first punch. How’s that?” 

Ruby held his gaze for a long moment before she nodded, leaning over to tuck one of the loose strands of his dark hair behind his ear. She stroked along his jaw and touched the dimple in his chin before she withdrew her hand, taking a deep breath. 

“Are you ready?”

“As ready as I’m ever going to be,” Ruby told him. Bucky squeezed her fingers one last time before letting go, getting out of the car and waiting for her a few feet away. Once she was standing with him, his bionic arm slipped around her shoulders and pulled her close, locking his car over his shoulder while they walked toward the elevator to take them up to the main entrance of SHIELD. 

True to her word, Hill was waiting to meet them the moment the doors of the elevator opened, and she wasn’t alone. Natasha was standing with her with crossed arms, looking at the two. Ruby was almost immediately out of Bucky’s hold, to which he dropped his arm by his side and raised his eyebrows at the two women in front of him. 

“Agent Barnes, Red,” Hill nodded at the two, inviting them forward. “I’m sorry that it’s come to this, but this is now a matter for SHIELD to intervene with. Red, you’ll be coming with me today. You need to be briefed on issues that will now become yours. Agent Barnes, Agent Romanoff will be taking you to your meeting with Director Fury.”

“I’m that bad that I gotta have a babysitter?”

“No. Agent Romanoff’s presence has also been requested in your meeting.” 

“Anyone else gonna be there? Y’know, you should invite Barton. Make it a real good party. Heck, call up Stark and Banner too. What’s the word on Thor? Can we get him here in time?” 

“Bucky.” Ruby whispered his name, with her blue eyes glancing at him. Bucky rolled his eyes and wiped his metal hand over his face, sighing heavily. 

“Let’s get this over with.”

But instead of letting her go easily, Bucky grabbed hold of Ruby’s hand before she could move and tugged her toward him, giving her only a second to turn her head to the side when he tried to kiss her. His lips met her cheek for the briefest of seconds and then she was pulling her hand out of his hold and making her way toward Hill, with a fierce blush starting to form on her cheeks. Natasha, on the other hand, shot Bucky a smirk and wiggled her eyebrows. 

“Shut up,” Bucky said flatly. “She’s just nervous, that’s all. She doesn’t like it here. You know that.” 

“She’ll be fine, James. Hill’s not going to let anything happen to her. Now come on, or you’re going to be late.” 

“Yeah…” But Bucky made no attempt to move until he had seen Hill and Ruby get into the elevator together and the doors close, taking Ruby away from him. Natasha grabbed hold of his flesh arm and started to pull him along to the other side of the building, where they would then get the elevator directly into Fury’s office. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ruby’s elevator ride was eerily silent, with Hill standing on the other side. She was nervous enough as it was, but with the added seemingly cold exterior of Hill, she was beginning to grow even more so. She had been awake since dawn broke, with Bucky waking up alongside her, simply out of nerves. What was SHIELD going to do to her? They had given her an entire life with Sam and she had thrown it away on a whim. Were they going to expose her life again? Would they tell her family that she was still alive? Would they tear down every foundation they had made because she had gone against what they expected of her? It was fear that kept Ruby awake. What else could they do to her? How much was Bucky going to be punished for breaking up a marriage? These were questions that she didn’t want to know the answer to, but she knew that they were the questions that her briefing were relying on. She needed to know, for her own peace of mind, and for Bucky’s. 

“You won’t be briefed by me. This was for Agent Barnes’ benefit. There’s someone here who would like to meet you, Red.” 

“Meet me?” Her voice was quiet and full of disbelief. Who in SHIELD would want to meet her? Sam’s lawyer? Fury himself? Was she to be kept in a waiting room until Bucky was finished with the man, and then she would be shown in too? 

“She personally requested to when we were organising your briefing yesterday,” Hill turned to look at Ruby, nodding once. “She’s looking forward to meeting you.” 

“Who is she?” 

“You’ll see.” 

Before Ruby could ask another question, the doors to the elevator opened and she found herself on the thirty-fifth floor of the building, and being ushered out of the elevator by Hill while the woman remained inside. 

“Knock on the first door on the left. She’ll be waiting.” 

The elevator doors closed, leaving Ruby alone on the floor with an eerie silence surrounding her. She tugged at the sleeves of her jacket subconsciously as she turned to look up the left side of the room, noticing the thick, heavy door that was waiting for her to knock on it, and as soon as she did, she heard a fumble of paper and quick footsteps before it was pulled open, revealing a smile. 

Well, a smiling woman was the more appropriate term. She looked to be in her early fifties, and had a calm sense about her. Her eyes, while dark, were full of excitement, and when she looked Ruby up and down, the smile only grew. 

“You must be Ruby! I’ve heard so much about you. It’s wonderful to put a face with your name. Come in, come in! I don’t bite, dear.” 

“Thank-you,” Ruby murmured as she stepped inside, seeing the large room for the first time. There were two plush chairs on either side of a desk, along with an overstuffed couch and a coffee table. Without the desk, the room would look like a living room. 

“Have a seat. I’m Diane, by the way. Diane Jackson. I’m James’ main therapist.” 

Suddenly, it all made sense to Ruby. Who better to brief her on how Bucky could be than his therapist? He had mentioned Diane once or twice, but that was all. Diane offered her a drink and a cookie, to which she promptly refused in the nicest fashion. 

“James doesn’t tend to eat or drink while he’s here either. He just wants to get his therapy done so he can go back home and get back to you, I suppose. I must say, he describes your appearance excellently, down to that little twitch you’re doing with your nose. He said you do that when you’re nervous.” 

“I am nervous,” Ruby admitted. There was something about the woman that made her comfortable to talk to, and right now, that’s what Ruby needed. 

“I haven’t requested to meet you to scare you. You prefer your real name than your name at SHIELD, don’t you? I like to have boundaries with the people I speak to. James prefers to be called by his birth name while he’s here. It’s his personal preference.” 

“I’ve only ever heard Agent Romanoff call him James before.” 

“He’s not overly fond of the name,” Diane explained, “he prefers Bucky, but when he first met Agent Romanoff, the Russians called him James. Sometimes, at least, before he was referred to as the Winter Soldier. I suppose that’s where we should start, isn’t it? With his time as the Winter Soldier. I have some recordings that I’d like to share with you, if that’s okay.”

Ruby gave a soft nod, to which Diane started to open up files on the computer screen embedded in her desk. It took a few moments but then Diane was dimming the lights, looking at Ruby with an expression the blonde couldn’t quite place. 

“This is the first session I had with James. It took place three months after he was brought into SHIELD, when he could be trusted to be let out of his cell and he decided that he wanted to cooperate with us.”

Ruby waited patiently for the video to be played, and when it did, her heart plummeted. Bucky was being brought into the room with six Agents around him, each one with a gun aimed at his head. But that wasn’t the worst part. The sight that knocked her sick to her stomach was Bucky’s hands cuffed behind his back, and the left one with a considerably larger cuff than the right. There was a chain leading up to his neck – with the chain tight enough that if he went to headbutt someone in either direction, it would force him to cause damage to his own neck - where there was another thick cuff. His ankles were bound together in the same fashion, so rather than walking, he was shuffling into the room, taking the smallest steps that he could have been made to. He refused to sit down and instead loitered near the couch, looking ill. He had told her that he had refused to eat, but this couldn’t have possible been that. Maybe he had been eating the bare minimum per day. True to her word, there was Diane, standing safely behind her desk with two other Agents beside her. 

“I’m Diane Jackson. You must be James Barnes.” 

Silence. Bucky looked like he was weighing her up, and then when Ruby thought he was going to refuse to give her an answer, he spoke to her in Russian. 

“I’m not familiar with the language. If we’re going to work together James, then I need you to speak in a language I understand.” 

“I’m not comfortable.” His voice was scratchy, as if it had remained unused for hours – possibly even days. Ruby’s heart hurt just listening to him, but teamed with watching him, it was awful. Now that the camera had focused on his face, she could see the dark circles underneath his eyes, an unkempt beard and his hair falling lank around his face. Even seeing him in his apartment without his arm wasn’t as bad as this was turning out to be. 

“Then help us make you be.” 

“I want them to leave.” 

“You know they’re not allowed to leave. They’re here for your own safety, James.” 

“Then I don’t want to talk.” 

As soon as the words left Bucky’s mouth, there was a slight jolt in his posture, shortly followed by him bowing his head. Diane on the other hand started to glare to the Agent to Bucky’s right, and then gestured to the door. 

“ _You_ may leave. I’ll see to it that you’re now off the case of Mr. Barnes.” 

Diane ended the clip, then looked at Ruby, who had a slight expression of confusion washing over her features. 

“James had specially designed cuffs when he first arrived here. The left cuff was designed heavier and wider to make sure that he would struggle to get it off, but it also came equipped with electronic convulsions to make his arm short-circuit should he get out of hand.” 

“That Agent hurt Bucky for no reason.” 

“He’s since been dismissed from SHIELD and sent to work at one of our other facilities. The Ice-Box? He’ll be there for life. Coulson made sure of that.” 

Ruby chewed her bottom lip, playing with the cuffs of her jacket. She had questions for Diane, but then wondered if there were more videos. As if the woman could read minds, she nodded at Ruby, opening up another video for her to watch. 

“This is a month after our first meeting. It was a slow process of getting him to cooperate, but the challenge was getting him to believe his self-worth and show him that what he did during his time as the Winter Soldier wasn’t his conscious state. They were a man following orders without any reason as to why. 

This video was considerably more different. There was a lack of Agents with Bucky now – save for the two standing at the doorway, and Bucky’s feet and neck cuffs had been removed, but the cuffs around his wrists still stayed. However, his hands were no longer behind his back. He had shaved and no longer looked as ill, but he still didn’t look like her Bucky. 

“How are you today, James?”

“Guilty as always, Diane.”

“Did you have a nightmare last night? You seemed okay after our session yesterday.”

“That’s the great thing about having next to no memories. You can just take up whatever you know the other person wants you to be like and they don’t even realise that they’re doing it.” 

As Bucky spoke, Diane watched him with an expressionless face. It seemed like the best thing to do, given the situation, but once his mouth opened again, she had picked up her pen and started to write. That only caused Bucky to become more agitated. 

“Yeah, I had a nightmare. You wanna know? I’ll tell you. Picture this, some guy taking his kid to school. Little girl, and he drops her off right at the front gate and tells her he’s gonna be right there to pick her up as soon as the bell rings. Then as soon as he’s getting back in his car, he’s knocked unconscious. When he wakes up, he’s tied to a chair and his head is bleeding. Then this guy? He’s tortured for hours by a man in the shadows. The Ghost asks him questions and this guy, well. He doesn’t respond. The Ghost doesn’t like that, so he starts punishing him. By the end of it, this guy can’t even breathe without every bone in his body hurting. The Ghost’s satisfied, because he got what he wanted, but he’s not finished. He walks behind the guy and picks something up, and then when he comes back, the guy starts crying. Know why? The Ghost’s got hold of this guy’s daughter’s favourite stuffed animal, and it’s covered in dry blood. The guy, he’s already chanting his stupid ‘no, not her, not her’ crap, but the Ghost’s just dangling it in front of him. Then he leans real close and tells the guy ‘she screamed for her daddy’ and then finally puts the poor bastard out of his misery. Later on, the Ghost? He stops by the school just to see the kid waiting at the door for her dad that’s never gonna pick her up again. Ain’t that just _swell_?” 

By the end of Bucky’s speech, his feet are bouncing off the floor and his hands have started to tug at his hair, causing the Agents to try and stop him. Diane promptly ends the video, and Ruby couldn’t have been more thankful. Bucky had never spoken with her about what he had done as the Soldier, but after hearing his tale, her mind started to conjure images of a man with Bucky’s face taking someone’s life while wearing a blank expression. That was who he had been before SHIELD had custody of him. A man with only a name and scattered memories. It took her a long while to speak, simply because her mouth had gone dry from listening to him. Even then, she couldn’t accept it as Bucky. 

“That went on for several weeks. James had nightmares and proceeded to discuss them with me, only to grow frustrated with himself for what he had done. He feels like he has to prove something to make up for all the blood he’s shed throughout the years.” Diane’s voice was soft as she leaned forward in the chair. 

“But it’s not him,” Ruby’s voice was quiet as she looked at Diane. “He didn’t have control over his own actions. He was just doing what he was told to do.” 

Diane paused, looking at Ruby for a long moment. Ruby immediately thought she had done something wrong and shrank back in her seat, only for Diane to give her a firm shake of her head. 

“That’s what I tried to tell him for all those months before he met you, but he refused to believe it. The only reason James was put into starting mission work was that he had stopped trying to hurt himself and started to respond to other forms of treatment, like workouts and Intel. He agreed to keep coming for sessions with me, but it only truly began to work when he met you. Here, this is the session from the day after he had dinner at your previous home.” 

There was no break between Diane speaking and the video starting, and Ruby leaned forward to watch. The cuffs were long gone and Bucky was in clothes that he looked like he had actually picked rather than SHIELD gym clothes, and he looked _happy_. There were no Agents in the room with them, and Bucky had gotten comfortable on the couch instead of sitting stiffly on one side of it. 

“You seem to be in an exceptionally good mood today, James.” 

“That’s what seeing a great girl does to you, Diane. She was great. A real catch.” 

“What’s her name?”

“Hey, I can’t tell you secrets like _that_.” Bucky grinned, and Ruby’s face started to heat up again. “Then you’ll really know everything about me. Pretty sure you already do, but I wanna keep at least something from you.” 

“Then how about you tell me about her?”

“She’s amazing. She really is. I’ve only known her a couple of hours, but I already wanna talk to her again. It just felt easy, y’know? She didn’t ask any questions about my arm or anything. Hell, she didn’t even flinch when she caught sight of it. She just looked at it, looked at me, and then asked me if I wanted seconds.”

“Seconds?”

“Dinner. She made dinner. Real good dinner too, like the kind my mom would be jealous of.”

“You haven’t spoken about your mother before.”

“Oh, my mom would’ve loved it. She would’ve been asking for the recipe and everything if she’d have been there last night. This girl, she’s the kinda girl you wanna take home to your parents. Dad would’ve put one of mom’s records on and danced with her, mom would’ve wanted her to help cook dinner. Becca? She would’ve loved her. Would’ve wanted to braid her hair.” 

“You think your family would’ve liked this girl even though you’ve known her for a few hours?” Diane paused in her writing, looking at Bucky curiously. “That’s a rather large assumption, don’t you think?”

“No way. I can’t describe it, Diane. She’s gotta be the most amazing woman I know already, and I don’t know that much about her. Sorry to break it to you. You gotta be my third favorite gal now.”

“And you’re sure that you can’t tell me her name?”

“Maybe one day I will.” 

The video ended, and as it did, Ruby had nothing to say. He thought all that of her after the first time he had dinner with them? Bucky had been at dinner with them for five hours, maximum, and if he thought all that after their first meeting, she was curious to know what he thought of her now. Did he still believe that his parents would like her? Did he still believe that Becca would love her from the moment she introduced herself? 

“The therapy from the day before this video was taken was one of his ‘down’ days. Meeting you put him in a different thought pattern entirely. He wanted to change and make progress so that he could work toward being the kind of man that would look like he had a place next to you. After meeting you, his breaks began to become less frequent and he was more cooperative with what we asked of him. That’s why his sessions started to decrease. James started to be stable enough to go a few days without them. After his break in November, we put him back on a tighter schedule with them, but ultimately? Meeting you has been the best therapy he could have received.” Diane studied Ruby’s face, smiling softly at her. “You’ve changed him, Ruby. When he first came into our custody, we wouldn’t have believed this was possible with him.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Ruby told her, working on gaining her usual complexion back. “I don’t look at him like he’s anything else but normal, because that’s all he is. He’s an Army Veteran with a missing limb. That’s not uncommon. Whatever he’s done in the past, I don’t care. He’s here _now_ and that’s what I’m concerned with.” 

“You truly are remarkable. However, I still have a few things to show you at Director Fury’s request. Although James hasn’t relapsed to the point of the Soldier in months, we worry about what his triggers are. We don’t know them all, and neither does Agent Romanoff. For all we know, near enough anything could set him into that mindset. I need to show you signs of what you should look for and what he’s capable of, should he ever switch from one to the other while he’s around you. Is that okay?”

It didn’t seem like much of a question, but rather a command, which resulted in Ruby nodding, and Diane holding her gaze for a moment.

I should warn you, it’s rather graphic..."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Across the building, Bucky’s meeting was considerably worse. The room had been split in half – with Natasha sitting next to him, and Steve sitting next to Sam – for moral support, of course. Coulson was standing with Fury, who were both trying to work something out. 

“Look, I don’t give a shit about what you do with your personal life, Barnes, but when it becomes a problem here, then I gotta put my damn foot down.” 

“It’s only a problem because he’s a dick,” Bucky spat, slamming his metal hand on the table with enough force to make it creak. “How the hell am I getting in shit for that?”

“You attacked him!” Fury snapped back at Bucky, who rolled his eyes. 

“If I’d have attacked him, don’t you think I would’ve done some more damage than that? Look at him. He’s barely scraped.”

“Thanks,” Sam’s voice was dripping with sarcasm, which only angered Bucky more. “You’re lucky I didn’t request anything else but a meeting.”

“Oh, so it’s your fault we’re all sat in this room doing jack shit when I could be at home rearranging my apartment?” 

“So the slut is moving in with you?”

“She’s not a slut,” Bucky growled. “And yeah, she is. What’s it to you?”

“Nothing,” Sam shrugged, looking away from Bucky. “I’m sure you were more than willing to get her back into your bed, weren’t you?”

“Is that what you think I did? Screwed Ruby every night that you weren’t there? I got news for you, buddy. I only had sex with her once.”

“Yeah. You only had sex with her _once_.” 

“Enough!” Fury snapped, which earnt a simple sigh from Coulson. 

“Look, all we want to do is organise a way that you’ll be able to work together while all of this is going on. That’s all we want from you today.”

“I’m not working with him,” Sam said flatly, causing Bucky to roll his eyes again.

“You gonna be like that, Wilson? Gonna run away with your tail between your legs?”

“Barnes, if I gotta tell you one more time…” 

“No, it works out great. I don’t wanna work with him either.” 

“Right. From now on, you’re split up. Wilson, you work primarily with Captain Rogers and Stark, and as for you Barnes, you’re on office work for the next two months.”

“What?!” Bucky stared at Fury, letting his mouth hang open. “You’re fucking kidding me! I barely graze him and I get put on office work? What’s he get?”

“A disciplinary. We’re dealing with it as it comes to us, Barnes.”

“This is bull.” 

Bucky didn’t give Fury another chance to open his mouth. He was up out of his chair and heading toward the door before anyone could stop him. 

“Barnes! Get back here!”

“Not a fucking chance!” 

Bucky flipped Fury the bird as he walked out, with Natasha close on his heels. Grunting, he looked over his shoulder at her. 

“What do you want?”

“You have to calm down, James. Fury’s trying to be civil – ”

“By putting me on office work while you guys head out and do something worthwhile. I gotta stay here and do fuck all.” 

“Look.” Natasha gripped his left arm, preventing him from walking away even though he could if he wanted to. 

“It’s just a short term punishment.” 

“ I’m gonna be late. I told Ruby I’d be there and she’s gonna think I’m in some sort of trouble.” Bucky wrenched his arm out of her hold and started to walk off again, with his nostrils still flaring. How could Fury put him on something as menial as office work? Was he trying to make sure Bucky didn’t do it again, lash out at another Avenger? All of this time, and they still thought of him as an uncontrollable monster. His fist slammed into the elevator wall as it set off, leaving a dent in the metal. 

“Great. Just great. Well done, Buck, you got yourself in a right mix-up here, ain’t you?”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

His murmurs continued all the way down to the garage, and the only thing that could stem them was Ruby leaning against the roof of the car, and for the most part, it did change his attitude. She only started to smile as he started to make his way over, stopping just in front of her. 

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?”

“I’m waiting for my boyfriend. I don’t think you’ll like him. He’s very protective over me. He won’t be happy if he sees you talking to me.”

“Then I guess we gotta leave before he catches us, huh?” Bucky murmured to her, still hiding how annoyed he was at Fury’s orders. He grabbed hold of Ruby’s hand and walked her to the door, opening it for her.

“Ma’am.”

“Thank-you, So-Bucky.” 

Frowning at her slip-up, he shut her door firmly before he got into his own side of the car, not even bothering with the belt as he set off. Why would he? Fury wouldn’t care if Bucky died now, as long as they were out onto the road instead of in the garage. Ruby noticed too, but didn’t say a word and simply reached over to rest her hand on his knee, giving him a reassuring squeeze. 

The entire car ride was exceptionally quiet, without Bucky so much as questioning about her meeting with Hill. There was something nagging at his mind and she could see that, but she wouldn’t press him. If he wanted to tell her then he would, and if he didn’t want to, then she would let him keep it to himself. She had seen the videos with Diane and knew how easily he could go from one extreme to the other from personal experience, but with her hew information from the therapist, she now had a lot to take in. Bucky kept his hands on the wheel for the ride home, not even tapping along to the radio. No, Bucky was still. So still, that if he hadn’t have moved when they pulled up outside the apartment that Ruby would have believed him to be lost in his own thoughts, but he did move.

The silence followed them up into the apartment and lingered as Ruby started to cook and Bucky started to sort through the boxes that she had brought back the previous night. It did however disappear when Bucky slammed his fist down on the coffee table, making Ruby jump. 

“Bucky? What’s wrong…?”

“What’s wrong? They put me on office duty. For two fucking months. Can you believe that? I’m not allowed to do anything decent for _two_ months!” 

Ruby put the pan on low and then abandoned it, coming to sit in front of him on the coffee table. Guilt washed over her at his words – was that really what Fury had done to him? Bucky hated paperwork. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“What are you sorry for? It’s not your fault,” Bucky didn’t meet her eyes, and his jaw started to lock. “You didn’t put me on paperwork for two months, did you?”

“No, but…” Ruby bit her lip, looking at him. He wasn’t sounding like he normally would. He sounded bitter, and she was trying to avoid upsetting him further. “If it wasn’t for me, you would have never had to fight with Sam.”

“He was due it. Sooner or later, I was gonna end up hitting him. But this? This sucks.” 

“It’s my fault, Bucky. Look what I’ve done to your life. I’ve turned it upside down in less than a day. Yesterday, you could go halfway across the world and Fury would think nothing of it. Now you have to stay in the country and you’re getting forced to sit still. Because of _me_.” 

She had ruined his life, hadn’t she? He had been somewhat stable yesterday, finally getting back onto his feet. His apartment was clean and although he didn’t look like he lived there, he had still made it his own. His therapy sessions were now once a week, and he was starting to make friendships within SHIELD itself, and then she had come in and broken every tie he had – save for the people who had already been in his life. With a shake of her head, Ruby started to back away from him. 

“I’m so sorry. I’ve done all of this to you… You didn’t need it. I’ve ruined everything for you. I should… I’ll leave, Bucky. I’ll go across the hall or something for the night…”

Her hand closed around the doorknob at the same moment his flesh hand grasped her wrist, pulling her back. 

“I didn’t say I wanted you to leave.” 

“Bucky…”

“No. This is it, doll. I can take whatever they’re gonna throw at me because of this as long as you’re _here_. I wouldn’t be doing this if it wasn’t for you, but you know what? I’d do everything in the exact same way if I had to do it all over again. You’re all I’m ever gonna want, Ruby. We’re in this now, all or nothing. That’s it. Bottom line.”

For the first time since they arrived home, Ruby could see every emotion in his eyes reflecting back at her. The determination was there, as well as that loving look she caught him wearing when she caught him staring at her. Bucky leaned forward, catching her in a kiss. They could do this. They _were_ doing this. When they pulled back, Ruby tucked her head under his chin, wrapping her arms around him as he reciprocated the action, whispering into his neck;

“All or nothing.” 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that night, the pair of them were in bed, with Ruby's back pressed against Bucky's chest and his arm wrapped securely around her. His lips found the way to the back of her neck and he left a kiss there, hearing her hum contentedly. 

"How'd it go with Hill?"

In her sleep-like state, Ruby couldn't find it in her to lie to him. She yawned, letting her eyes fall closed as she settled against the pillow comfortably.

"It wasn't Hill. Diane wanted to speak to me." 

Bucky tensed behind her, which made Ruby reach her arm over his, tangling their fingers together.

"And?" His voice was empty as he asked his question, trying not to let any emotion sink into the word. 

There were a million things that Ruby could have said to him. She could have told him how she had seem pictures of the Soldier's kills. She could have told him that she had seen the recordings of him in therapy. She could have told him that she had read the extensive files on his first few nights in SHIELD. She could have told him that she had seen the footage of when he had first been brought in and attacked the woman that no longer worked for SHIELD. 

But none of those things came out of her mouth. 

Instead, all she said was;

"And I still love you."


	15. Dinner

“What does he like?”

“I don’t know,” Bucky groaned as he lent over the cart. “Why don’t you just cook something that you like cooking?”

“But what if he doesn’t like what I make?” Ruby didn’t turn to look at him, but rather kept studying the selection of meats in front of her. Bucky shook his head, shutting his eyes. 

“He’s a guy that can live off whatever he can get hold of when he’s on missions. I’m sure whatever you make him, he’s gonna like.” 

“Bucky…” 

“Steak. Make steak.”

“You’re only saying that because it’s your favourite,” Ruby shot him a glance, raising her eyebrow. Even with his eyes shut, Bucky could feel her staring at him and started to smirk. She sighed, resting one hand on her hip as she turned back around, chewing her bottom lip. 

“I’ll make steak, but only because I know Natasha likes it.” 

“Finally.” Bucky opened his eyes again, watching her drop her choice into the cart. “Now can we go?”

“From this store? Yes. We still need to pick up the table though.” 

“This is my first day off all week and you’re making me shop,” Bucky said to her, continuing to lean as he pushed the cart to the checkout. “I hope you’re happy with yourself, babe.” 

“I’m very happy with myself,” Ruby gave him a smug smile, then nudged his ribs with her elbow. “You weren’t going to lie in bed all day and then emerge wearing nothing but your boxers to answer the door in. I want to make a good impression today, _and_ you already said you’d pick up the table on your day off.” 

“Alright, alright. I suppose since you treated me so nicely last night, I can pick up the table.” 

“ _Bucky._ ” Ruby’s voice lowered as they approached the checkout, with Bucky now starting to empty their cart while wearing an innocent smile. “We’re in public.” 

“And? Nobody’s listening.” 

“That’s not the point.” Ruby told him, moving to the other side of him while she rooted in her bag for her purse, flashing the cashier a smile as she started to scan. Bucky stayed quiet and walked around Ruby, starting to bag their shopping. Ruby, on the other hand, had a small smile playing on her lips as she looked at him, catching sight of his gloved hands. Anyone else who looked at them would have thought them to be just a regular couple. Nobody would know that the previous day had consisted of Ruby making plans with a world famous assassin for dinner tonight, or would know that Bucky had spent the day showing trainee SHIELD Agents the basics of Muay Thai fighting. Apparently, his ‘Office work’ had meant ‘train the new recruits’. No, from the sight of them bagging and paying for groceries, nobody would be able to tell that the two of them were connected to SHIELD in any way. 

“Is the table our last trip today? When have we gotta pick up the unit?” Bucky’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts as they left the store, making her eyes find him. His cap hid his face for the most part, and he had come out without shaving, so the stubble disguised him well enough. Of course, she didn’t have to disguise her appearance, so her hair was back in a simple braid for now – she would have it straight when their guests arrived later – and wearing comfortable clothes. 

“I haven’t picked one yet. I’m growing attached to the one we already have.” Ruby popped open the trunk of the car for him, and once he had put the bags in and closed it, he leaned over to kiss the top of her head. 

“I kinda like it too. Plus, you’d break the cat’s heart if you got rid of his favourite spot.” 

“His favourite spot is your chest, Bucky.” Ruby said flatly, smacking the top of his right arm for him to get into the car. “He’d sleep there all day if you let him.”

“Not gonna happen. I didn’t want him in the first place and now we’re stuck with him.”

“You love him, admit it.” 

“No, I tolerate him. There’s a huge difference.” Bucky flashed her a grin over the top of the car as he got in, hearing her sigh beside him once she had followed his lead and shut the car door. With the keys in the ignition, Bucky set off to pick up their new table. 

Needless to say, a lot had happened in the two months that Ruby had been living with Bucky. After he had initially settled with his new line of work – which hadn’t taken long, a day or two at the most to accept that he would be training the new recruits – Ruby had started to make changes to their apartment. The walls had been first, changing them to colours that both suited the pair and that brightened the too white space. Next had been the pictures. There were few that Bucky and Ruby had taken together, but the ones they had now found their way onto the wall next to the bookshelf. On the wall where their living room window was, there was a picture of Ruby’s family. Her music room had been next. She had picked the piano herself, but Bucky had surprised her with box of books that were purely sheet music, ranging in different styles and composers. The music room had been painted a light blue, and her piano now sat in the centre of it, along with a guitar under the window and a bookshelf for her music. On one of the walls was an outline of a world map, with all of the countries and separated by black lines. There was no other colour, but Ruby never once complained about it.   
Bucky’s wardrobe – scarce as it was – had been restocked with clothes, after she had pulled him along shopping with her, claiming that he couldn’t live in SHIELD gym clothes for the rest of his life. Together, they had picked out enough clothes to fill so much space that Bucky had turned his one set of draws into two wardrobes, one for her and one for him. He had turned the bottom half of their closet into a place where Ruby could put her shoes, and the middle was for all of her jackets and sweatshirts. The top shelf of the closet remained unused as it was for him. The bathroom had begun to hold its collection of women’s products, complete with assorted nail varnishes under the sink and sweet smelling soaps on the shelves over the bathtub.   
It was an ongoing process, with Ruby still replacing Bucky’s old furniture for new – the bed had been the first to go, along with Bucky’s plain white sheets. Now he had four colours to choose from, even though he liked to keep the black on as long as he possibly could. There were subtle changes too – like the additions to his movie collection and the updates to his entertainment system, which now housed different games consoles that Ruby was trying to teach him to use - but the biggest change the two had was now in their apartment, and more than likely curled up on Bucky’s pillow, purring in his sleep.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It had happened two days previously. Bucky had returned home from breaking in new recruits and as he walked through the door, he noticed something that made him stop walking toward Ruby, who was sitting on the sofa. 

“Babe, why is there a cat next to you?” 

He crossed his arms as he took steps forward, confirming what he had already thought to be true. There Ruby was, watching TV quietly, with a cat curled up beside her. She was absentmindedly scratching the cat between the ears, who made an appreciative sound and moved to curl up on her lap, and it was only then that she gave Bucky a response in the form of a shrug.

“I brought him home.”

“I can see that. Why?” 

“He’s for you,” Ruby told him, rolling her eyes. Bucky groaned, moving close enough to rest his hands on the back of the couch, peering over at her. 

“I don’t want a cat.”

“Tough. You already have one.” 

He sighed heavily as he went to the other side of the couch, collapsing on the end opposite to her. He eyed the black ball of fur in her lap, staring at it as much as it was staring at him. 

“Can you not just take it back?”

“James Buchanan Barnes. You’re supposed to say ‘I love him, thank-you so much, Ruby.’ And then kiss me twice as long because I was the one who got him for you.” 

With a heavy sigh, Bucky gave her the biggest grin she could manage and then edged closer. 

“I love him, doll. Thanks a bunch.” Leaning across to her, Bucky kissed her, letting his flesh hand find its way to the back of her neck. It wasn’t long before he was trying to deepen the kiss, only to be met with a hand pushing at his chest. 

“Bucky. Tomas is still on my lap.” 

Groaning as he pulled away, he pressed his face into the crook of her neck, making her giggle. His voice was muffled against her skin, but the defeat was present in his tone. 

“You named him?”

“He needed a name and I knew you would give him a ridiculous one.” 

“But now we have to _keep_ him,” Bucky whined as her free hand found its way to his hair, playing with his ponytail. 

“We were keeping him anyway; you had no choice.” 

“Give me a reason why we should keep him?” 

“Because he’d be good for you. Animals help with getting better. He needed a home, Bucky. I picked him up at a shelter.” 

“Babe –”

“You can bond with a cat, and it takes less looking after than a puppy. Plus, he’s not a kitten so he doesn’t need your attention all the time.” 

“I’m doing just fine without –”

“ _James._ We’re keeping Tomas.” 

Bucky once again groaned against her neck, but then felt movement on his left hand. Turning just enough to look, he saw Tomas pawing at his metal hand. He felt Ruby smile and knew that he was fighting a losing battle, so he simply leaned his head against her shoulder, opening up his hand for Tomas to paw. 

The following morning, Ruby woke up first. She stretched and worked her way out of Bucky’s loose arm around her, and then smiled as she turned to look at him. She reached for her phone, opening up the camera and snapped a quiet picture – one that was now her lockscreen. Bucky was lay on his front with his arm stretched out for her, with Tomas curled up on Bucky’s back, and both of them fast asleep. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time they got to their building, Ruby was the one carrying the groceries and Bucky was carrying the boxed table with the promise of putting it together while she started the beginnings of dinner. However, as soon as the door opened, a bundle of black fur came running over, wrapping himself around Bucky’s legs.

“Cut it out, will you? We’ve been gone two hours!” Bucky shooed him away, only for Tomas to follow Ruby into the kitchen and sit at her feet patiently. 

“He missed you,” Ruby shrugged, starting to empty the bags. “You should be nicer to him.”   
“We weren’t even gone that long,” Bucky called from the living room, and the sound of his voice was followed by a loud thud. “Hey, do you want me to get rid of the old table first?”

“It’s going to the shelter. It just needs taking down and packing up.”

“So take that down first, get the new one out, and swap them over?” 

“Yeah,” Ruby called back to him, leaning down to roll one of the balls of yarn she had gotten for Tomas. The black cat instantly chased after it, running to the other side of the kitchen while Bucky came in, having already taken off his gloves, hat and jacket. 

“It’s not gonna fit through the door like that, so I’m gonna have to take it down in here. I won’t be in your way, will I?” 

Ruby shook her head, moving to the sink. Bucky took that as the opportunity to grab her by the hand and pull her toward him, cupping her face gently once she was close enough and softly pressing his lips to hers. His thumbs stroked her cheeks while her hands found the tops of his arms, resting there softly. As he pulled away, he kissed the tip of her nose and then her forehead, smiling at her. He opened his mouth to speak, only to roll his eyes and look at the floor with a raised eyebrow, where Tomas had begun to paw at Bucky’s foot. 

“Clear off, will you?” 

“He thinks you should get back to work,” Ruby giggled, squeezing the top of his flesh arm. “And you should. They’re coming at six.”

“It’s only two,” Bucky shrugged. Ruby gave him a pointed look, to which he stole one more kiss and then separated himself from her, opening the cupboard under the sink to retrieve his toolbox.

“I hope I’m getting a reward once I’ve finished.” 

“You are,” Ruby told him as she watched Tomas jump up onto the table, with the cat curling on it as if he knew Bucky’s intentions. “Steak.” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ten minutes until Ruby knew their guests were arriving, and she was panicking. Dinner was prepared and just had to be cooked, their new table was sitting ready, now surrounded with the chairs she had ordered last week, and their apartment was clean. Bucky had made sure of that. Once she had finished preparing dinner, he sent her off to the bathroom where he had set up a bubble bath for her, telling her to relax while he finished off everything else – everything else being the repackaging of their old table and cleaning up their apartment. Ruby wanted to make a good impression, regardless of how many times Bucky told her that Clint didn’t care what their home looked like. 

Clint Barton. That was who she was meeting tonight. She had seen him briefly when she attended an event or two with Sam, but she had never held a conversation with the man. The only reason for him coming over was that Bucky had told Ruby to ask Natasha, who in turn would ask Clint. It had taken all of five minutes the previous day to plan, and now the nerves were beginning to set in. What if he didn’t like her? After all, Clint was friends with Sam. What if he was coming over purely for the sake of reporting back to her ex-husband? Well, _husband._ Officially, the two were still married, even if it was only on paper. Ruby was yet to receive the divorce papers back that she had sent Sam a month ago.

“Will you relax?” Bucky stepped out of their room, pulling his freshly washed hair into a loose ponytail. “You’re gonna lose your appetite.”

“What if he doesn’t like me?” Ruby’s voice was a murmur. Bucky made his way over to the couch and settled beside her, placing his flesh hand on her knee to give it a reassuring squeeze. 

“Look at me, doll.” He waited until her eyes had met his, holding her gaze. “You’re amazing. Who wouldn’t like you? You’re sweet, funny, kind, one hell of a cook, and a goddamn knockout. He’d be crazy not to like you, and I know for a fact that he’s not that crazy.” 

His words did little to calm her, but she gave him a soft nod of her head anyway. Bucky tapped his fingers on her leg, nodding his head back at her. 

“You really are a knockout, y’know. Look at you.” 

She was wearing a simple blue dress, one that had made her think of Bucky’s eyes when she picked it. Her hair was straight and hanging around her shoulders, and she had her eyeliner expertly done. 

“You’re not too bad yourself, Barnes.” 

He hadn’t changed much from the clothes he had been wearing earlier. A clean white t-shirt and jeans, with a clean-shaven face and his hair pulled neatly back so that his features weren’t hidden. 

“Me? I know. I put on pants and everything, though I’m pretty certain they’ve both seen me in less.” 

“Clint’s seen you naked?” Ruby raised an eyebrow, and Bucky smirked back at her. 

“When I was staying at Stark’s for a couple of days so they could set this place up. He walked into Steve’s bathroom with the intention of putting a prank into play. He just wasn’t expecting me in the shower.” 

“You just stood there, didn’t you? While he freaked out?” 

“Hey, I didn’t have nothing to hide. I’m pretty proud with myself.” 

“I know you are,” Ruby muttered, earning another squeeze of her knee. She checked the clock hanging near the bookshelf and sighed, but tried not to let it get to her. Two master assassins were bound to be late to dinner, weren’t they? They more than likely had other things to do before this, like save the world while she had busied herself with relaxing in bubbles. Bucky reached for her hand instead of leaving his on her knee, giving it a light squeeze.

“Hey. They’re coming, doll. They’re just running a little late. Barton’s probably primping.” 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clint Barton had certainly _not_ been primping, no matter what Natasha said to him on their drive over. While he loved the name ‘Hawkeye’, he didn’t appreciate it when his hair decided to get out of control and resemble a nest. If he went over to Barnes’ place with hair like that, he’d never live it down. That was one of the things he had learnt about the soldier – once he found something funny, he found it hard to let go of. That was why every so often around SHIELD, you could hear ‘The Star-Spangled Man With A Plan’ blaring through the speakers, with no way to shut it off until it had played at least once. It made for one embarrassed and annoyed Captain, and one hysterical master assassin.

But Bucky was only half of the reason that Clint and Natasha were pulling up outside a block of apartments, with a bottle of red wine in Clint’s hands. No, they had been invited over by the woman that was now living with the man, and the woman who had once been his friend’s wife. He had never spoken to Ruby, not once, but that didn’t mean that he didn’t dislike her. She had betrayed Sam and gone to Bucky when Sam couldn’t be there for her, and ultimately, she had left her husband for a man that had stolen her away after a couple of dinners and a lousy date. That was the way Clint saw it. It was wrong to take away a man’s wife. There had been nothing wrong with Sam and Ruby’s marriage, not that he could see. The two had seemed perfect together and there was no crack for Bucky to make into a gaping hole from which he could pull Ruby from and yet here they were, getting the elevator up to the floor Bucky and Ruby now lived on. 

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this,” Clint muttered. “Sam’s my friend.” 

“And James is mine,” Natasha countered. “And Ruby’s nice. You’ll like her.” 

“Yeah, that’s what you think.” Clint rolled his eyes, looking at her. “She cheated on Sam, Nat.” 

“In terms of marriage laws? Yes. In terms of physical or emotional intimacy? No. Sam made no attempt to touch her or give her the attention that a man should be giving his wife.” 

“I still don’t think it’s right.” 

“Well lucky for you, it’s not your relationship.” Natasha gave him a pointed look as the elevator doors opened onto Ruby and Bucky’s floor, and Clint sighed as he followed her out and to the door, watching he knock. 

“I’m just saying – ”

“Just be civil.” 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the time the knock on the door came, Bucky was letting Tomas crawl all over him and Ruby kept going to check on dinner, even though it wasn’t cooking. Then she was rushing out and moving to straighten out the skirt of her dress, while Bucky and Tomas watched her. The moment she looked over at him though, he was getting up off the couch and brushing the stray cat hairs off of his chest. 

“He’ll like you, doll. I know it.” A fleeting brush of his knuckles against her cheek was all he gave her before his hand wrapped around the doorknob, revealing the two assassins. Ruby just had time to take a deep breath before Bucky invited them in, smiling. 

“You’re running late, you know. Keeping us waiting.” 

“We’ve been ten minutes longer than you expected,” Natasha rolled her eyes, then greeted Ruby with a smile. Clint followed her forward as Bucky shut the door, looking at Ruby.

“You must be Ruby,” he said, holding the wine bottle out. “Clint Barton.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you, Agent Barton. Bucky’s told me all about you, and of course, Natasha’s mentioned you as well.” With a smile to hide how nervous she was, she took the wine from him. “Thankyou. Would you like a drink? I hope you like steak, and apple pie. I wasn’t sure what kind of pie you’d like, and I just thought that almost everyone tends to like apple pie, but if you don’t, I’ll make you something else – ”

Bucky touched the small of her back gently, coming to stand behind her so he could look at the wine. Ruby trailed off quietly, still giving Clint a slight smile. That was until the man’s eyes widened as Tomas wound around Ruby’s legs, and Natasha gave a quietest snort of laughter. 

“You have a cat?”

“Yeah,” Bucky shrugged, flipping the bottle of wine in the air and catching it easily. “Why?”

“Barton doesn’t like cats,” Natasha told them, causing Bucky to start laughing as he handed the bottle back to Ruby and picked up the black mass of fur that was walking around her. 

“You don’t like him? Look at him, Barton. He’s got bigger birds to fry.” 

“Bucky, he’ll have to go in the bedroom,” Ruby told him quietly, listening to Tomas purr. She didn’t want Clint to be irritated by Tomas, as much as she loved the cat. Just for tonight, he would have to be shut in their bedroom. Bucky rolled his eyes, brought Tomas close to Clint once more, and then moved to hold the cat in one arm.

“You gotta go in our room, buddy. Barton’s afraid of you. I know, right? A man, afraid of a little cat like you?”

“I’m not afraid!” Clint called after him, then his eyes found Ruby’s as if to back up his point. “I just don’t like them. Never had. Bad experience with a Tiger once over.” 

“Barton was a Carnie when he was younger,” Natasha explained. Ruby must have been wearing an odd expression for her to do that, so she cleared her throat as Bucky shut the bedroom door and held out the bottle of wine. 

“Drinks?”

As the night went on, Ruby grew less nervous and Clint became more relaxed. It didn’t take long for Clint to be the one initiating conversation with Ruby, while Bucky was discussing Natasha’s latest piece of espionage work with her. Dinner was over and done with fairly quickly – and as it turned out, Clint loved apple pie and told her that it was the best food he had ever eaten, which made her laugh and Bucky then explain that he had said a similar thing to her in the early stages of their relationship, and then warned the man that he better not try to steal Ruby – and after that, they had settled into the living room with the wine. Ruby had only had one glass, as had Bucky, and as Clint looked around, his smile became a full on grin. 

“You play video games?”

“Yeah,” Ruby nodded, settling on the couch beside him. “You do too?”

“When I’m not busy, yeah. I never really get time to sit down and play properly.” 

“How about we play one now?” 

Clint looked at herm raising one eyebrow, before starting to smirk. 

“You don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into, Ruby.”

From their places in the kitchen, since Bucky had told Ruby that he would wash up, and Natasha then volunteered herself to help out – partially to continue their conversation, and partially to let Clint and Ruby be alone for a short while – they could hear the two talking. Natasha shook her head, filling her glass up again. Bucky had gotten a beer from the fridge, and was now leaning against the counter so they could both listen to their partners. 

“They’re like children.”

“No, Barton’s a child. Red’s a dame. A proper dame.” 

“Careful, James. I’m not going to catch you if you swoon.” 

Smirking, Bucky took two large gulps of the beer, while she sipped at her wine. The vodka could wait for another time. This was Ruby’s night, and right now, it was going just how Bucky knew it was going to. 

“And to think, you thought going out as a group would cause less problems.” 

“I thought it would be better for those two,” Natasha said quietly. “He wasn’t happy on the way over.”

“I didn’t expect him to be, but I knew he’d like her. He just had to get to know her.”

“You took a big risk there.” 

“Not as big as you did. Seriously Natalia, _Barton_?” 

Natasha leaned across to punch Bucky’s flesh shoulder as he chuckled, making him clutch it seconds after her fist came into contact with it. Making a face at her, he pretended to be in pain and shifted along the counter to get away, only to earn himself a smile from her. 

“I gotta ask. Why him?”

“Because he makes me happy,” Natasha said, listening to Clint shout over Ruby’s laughter, followed by angry clicking of whatever console they were playing on. “Why Ruby?”

Bucky then let a smile dance on his own lips, looking out of the open kitchen door where he could see the woman in question laughing and enjoying herself. 

“Because she’s someone worth living for.” 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the early hours by the time their guests left. The two had continued to play video games even after Bucky and Natasha had come to join them, and invited them to play as well which resulted in Bucky failing miserably, Clint laughing that he had finally managed to beat Bucky at something, and the two women laughing at them. 

“I’ll get you next time!” Clint laughed as he tugged his jacket on, watching Bucky slip his arm around the blonde’s shoulders. 

“Is that a threat, Clint?” Ruby had passed calling him ‘Agent Barton’ by now. The man shook his head and tugged at Ruby’s hand, bringing her in for a tight hug. 

“You’re alright, Ruby.” 

The hug had thrown her at first and she had stiffened, but slowly relaxed into it as Clint patted her shoulder. She whispered a silent ‘thank-you’ to him while Natasha and Bucky said their goodbyes, and then Clint took hold of Natasha’s hand. 

“I’ll see you soon, yeah?” He waved as he left the apartment, with Natasha in tow. “I’m not letting you think you’re going to win every game we play!” 

“Don’t try me!” 

“Oh, you’re on!” 

The two were laughing at each other until Clint’s laugh was stopped by the closing of the elevator doors, and then Ruby was beaming at Bucky as she shut their apartment door. She leant against it while Bucky came toward her, reaching out both of his hands for her. 

“Well?”

“I like him. He plays video games and he likes my cooking.” 

“I knew you would,” Bucky told her as she reached to entwine their fingers. “And you know what? He likes you too. That guy never hugs girlfriends as he leaves. I think I’ve only seen him ever nod to Pepper and Jane.” 

“He’s like a big brother,” Ruby decided. Chuckling, Bucky pulled her toward him, kissing her softly. 

“You like him that much already? Even I don’t like him that much.”

“You don’t like anyone that much,” Ruby smiled at him, which soon turned into a yawn. Bucky pulled her closer, putting his arms around her while her fingers were still locked with his. 

“It’s late. We should go to bed.” 

“Tomas will be asleep now,” Ruby told him, starting to walk forward as he walked backward to their room. “And he’ll be on your pillow.” 

“That cat’s got a serious attachment issue to me.” 

“He loves you,” she gave him a sleepy smile as they entered their room where sure enough, Tomas was curled on Bucky’s pillow. “Just like I do.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” leaning to kiss her nose, he let go of her hands and untangled himself from her. “Get in bed, babe. I’ve just gotta tidy up.” 

“Okay…” 

Bucky left their bedroom and quickly cleaned up the coffee table and switched out the lights, but by the time he had returned, Ruby had changed into her long pyjama bottoms and his grey shirt, and had fallen asleep curled on her side of the bed. Shaking his head, he changed into soft bottoms and a faded SHIELD shirt and slipped in beside her, disturbing Tomas to the point of him waking. Bucky just shook his head and felt the cat move to curl up on his back, while his arm reached out and wrapped around Ruby. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The following morning, Bucky was awake first. His ‘office work’ was officially done, and now he had the weekend for just him and Ruby to spend together. He kissed Ruby’s cheek and then slipped out of bed, leaving Tomas to stretch in the warm space that Bucky had left, but instead of going to start breakfast first, the knock at the door caught him. Who would be knocking at their door? Rubbing his eyes, Bucky moved toward it, opening it just a fraction before he fully opened it. There, on the other side, was a SHIELD Agent with their mail.

“This is for Mrs. Wilson,” the Agent said, making Bucky look at him flatly as he handed over a thick, brown envelope. The Agent cleared his throat and then passed the rest of the mail over, before giving Bucky a quaint nod. “Have a nice day, sir.” 

Ruby was just beginning to wake as he shut their apartment door, and was sitting up by the time he came to sit on the edge of their bed. 

“You’ve got mail, babe.” He passed the envelope over to her, then started to look through his own mail – An invite to a Gala, a couple of pictures from children of himself, and a pack of magnets from a girl named Pearl. He was making a note to write back to all of the children when Ruby dropped the envelope back onto her lap, letting her eyes find him. 

“It’s the divorce papers.” Her voice was barely above a murmur, and Bucky gestured to them so he could see. She pushed them to him while her face became expressionless, and Tomas took that as his sign to crawl into her lap so she could stroke him. 

“He did it,” Bucky flicked through the pages, shaking his head in disbelief. “He finally signed them.” 

“I’m not married anymore…” Ruby’s voice was quiet as if she didn’t quite think the situation were true, until her words started to catch up with her mind. “I’m not married anymore. Bucky, I’m not married anymore!” 

If he hadn’t braced himself with his left hand, she surely would have sent them both onto the floor from the way she jumped onto him, throwing her arms around his neck with a loud laugh. His right arm slipped around her and held her to him, laughing with her. 

“I’m not married! I get to have my name back!” 

She started pressing kisses to anywhere on his face that she could reach, making him laugh all the more. He pushed the papers out of the way with his left hand and made to stand, pulling her up into his arms to spin her around. 

“You’re free from him, Ruby. You don’t have any more ties to him.” 

“I get to be me again…” Ruby gave him a proper kiss then, smiling into it. It was as she pulled away that Bucky got an idea. Kissing the tip of her nose as he lowered her back down to the floor, his arms slipped around her waist. 

“I got a crazy idea, Miss.” 

“What’s that?” Even her eyes had a new found spark in them. Bucky couldn’t stop himself from staring at her. It was like she was an entirely new person, and in truth, she was. He had only ever known her to have Wilson as her last name, never her maiden name. 

“Come away with me. Let’s go on vacation.”


	16. Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't a new chapter.

This fic hasn't been written in a while. That's because I've moved all time onto a new Red and Bucky fic I've been writing:   
  
[Home Is Me, You Are Mine](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3981400/chapters/8936308). It's set in an alternate universe to this one purely to have Red in the 1940's.   
  
It's still the same character ship, and features Bucky before he goes off to war. The story will follow along the Captain America MCU storylines for Bucky.   
  
I'd appreciate it if any readers that enjoy Red also read this.   
  
Thank-you. 


End file.
